Sunday, October 31, 2010

Meet Me on Monday!

 Giving this little blog hop a WHIRL again. Was a pretty good experience last time.. sooo.. here we go! I encourage you to join in on the fun.
Visit my friend JAVA at her Blog known as :
There will be a place to link up on her page.
Part of the deal is to answer a few questions about myself. Here is what she has offered:
1. Have you ever been on a cruise? I have never taken a cruise. Never, ever, ever. I find it odd that I have not. I live soo close to a handful of ports to the Caribbean, yet I have never cruised anywhere. I have to admit, I am not sure I would like it. When I go to "relax" - I tend to want to be alone. Not surrounded by a couple hundred retirees or screaming children. I'm just saying! ;-) However, there is one cruise I might be interested in - the Windjammer Bare Foot Cruises. Have you heard of them? It's on a sail boat. Pretty cool.. smaller party - and more of an adventure!

2. What is your favorite way to eat eggs?
Eggs ROCK, don't they? I like my scrambled with cheese - first and foremost. I am also a BIG fan of omelets (cheese) or one with Corned Beef Hash. I am a huge believer in egg beaters also.

3. What is your favorite reading material? Good, old fashioned books. I have sooo many. I keep eyeing those Kindle devices and Ipad and Barnes & Noble's Nook. Still not sure.. still trying to decide. But yes, I am a book girl.

4. Name all the pets that you have ever had?
Hmm.. Let's see if I can: Shadow (black cat), Tiger (striped cat), Stoney (wein/lab mix), Rebel (mutt), Aires( russian blue cat), Sebastian( Main Coon), Mischa (Husky/Chow mix), Pasha (Husky), Nanook (Husky), Venus (whippet mix), Snowflake (white kitty), Maximus  (gray kitty), Santana (tuxedo cat), Sir Edgar the Lessor )lab mix) , Timber (husky/lab mix), Aristotle (calico), Miles (tabby), Merlin (Iguana) and Lestat the Vampire Cat tabby).

5. Were you ever a girl/boy scout?
Was I? Why YES! I joined the Girl Scouts in the 1st grade Troop 222 and remained there all of the way until I entered the 7th grade. (Then it got uncool.) I attended G.S. camp every summer during those years. When I turned 18 - I worked as a camp counselor at Camp Martha Johnston all of the way until I was 23 years old. Then, when I was 28 I worked for the Girl Scouts of Middle Georgia as the Communications Director until 2005. (Post TV years.) So - was I a Girl Scout - yep, you could say so!

Now it's your turn! Join up - Join the fun,.
If you are new to my blog, please check out the About Me section and Best of. Might help you navigate me! :-)

Emotional Puppet Master

How often do we give someone else control over our thoughts and feelings?

As a child, our well being and happiness depended greatly on our parents. As a teenager, we got our validation from our peers. As an adult, more often than not, we get our validation from our significant other.

I was thinking about how we give so much of ourselves to others, because it feels good and we are social creatures. But how do we know if the person we give our love/heart/ whatever you want to call it, is capable of handling our "well being." What if they are careless with our feelings and in turn, it completely affects you as a person?

I got this visual of a puppet master. Isn't it amazing how a few little words, or a smile, or someone lending a simple hand - how it all can change our moods from blah to wow in a heart beat?

Life is complicated enough without us seeking our happiness in the actions or words of others. 

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Sleep is precious

For years I never got enough sleep. Never, ever, ever. I think it started back in college. Sleep was more of a drunken, exhausted "pass out" phase. Oh yeah, I partied as hard as I possibly could. Pursuit of pleasure and a Bachelor's degree was my goal. I indulged my every whim, and came out with the piece of paper that confirms my intelligence and a beer gut to boot. I picked up important social skills and an amazing alcohol tolerance.

But sleep was not important to me at all.

Then a few years later, something odd started happening. I would wake up gasping for air. I was stressed, a little heavier, and waking up numerous times in the night- thinking perhaps I was having a panic attack in my sleep.

This went on from 1997 - 2010. Maybe a solid 2 or 3 hours of sleep. Not without trying. Last October/November I went to the cardiologist to work on this blood pressure thing. Through numerous tests (many of you may remember all of the posts about that) - I found out one of the many causes of my higher bp was the sleep apnea. No, I am not a 500 pound person.. it can happen to anyone. Apparently if you snore or momentarily quit breathing in your sleep - that's a sign.

Since then, I have struggled with this CPAP machine. It took about 2 months to really get the hang of it. NOW - I sleep like a baby. Better than I have in a decade... maybe even longer.

For example, I came home last night after that long journey back from the coast, went and had a massage, grabbed some groceries and even sipped an espresso (pretty late.) I decided to chill with the tv - then I ended up staying up pretty late. (Mixed with a little nap.) I went to bed close to 4am and woke up at 8:30am. I FEEL WONDERFUL. You would think that was not enough sleep. However, with the machine - it's uninterrupted, pure filtered air with a humidifier streaming into me. Translation - feels like I slept 8 hours.

I never realized how precious sleep was. Now, I can fall asleep fairly fast, and sleep hard. Like a baby.

What about you? How are your sleeping habits?

Learning to be alone

It is a curious thing - this learning to live alone again. This time, it feels different.

I lived alone post college, in my first little apartment. I often worried about "what if" someone broke in my apartment. Or "what if" I did not make enough money to pay my rent.

Then I remember living alone post divorce. That "what if I feel lonely?" feeling and the - "what if" I did not have enough for rent. ;-)

After visiting the egyptian in his country, I came home thinking "what if" I never saw him again and "when" will I see him again. All in an almost desperate need. Sadness, uncertainty.. it was hell.

This time - yes, there is a void, but there is not a desperation. I am 98% sure no one will burst into my house and rob me of my treasures. I am 99.9% sure the rent will be paid. (Only way it would not get taken care of is if the home invaders took my debit card and took all of my money.) And I know when I will see "him" again - and that day is December 1st.

I can sit here in the living room, wrapped warmly in my fleece nightgown and blanket, with the sound of the sports anchor reporting the high school football scores, and a belly full of fat free/sugar free ice cream.. and  know I am okay, I am safe and I will recover. I have a sense of peace.

Yes, I wish he was sitting on that damned laptop again. Annoying me with his chatting in arabic with friends back home. His spot of the dining room table (that typically drives me bonkers - b/c I want my table back lol) looks empty. But I know in a few more weeks, his glowing smile will return. God willing, in a better mood. 

Tomorrow I do not have anything planned, technically. I actually plan to go looking for a new couch. Yep, that's right. I am ready to get rid of the black one. I have to tell you the TRUE push. Honestly, I have wanted to get rid of it for years, but I fought sooo hard for it in the divorce. Silly thing, but it was where I sat all of those years. I now want it to go away. It represents the past and I am done with all of that.

I also hope to go to the arabic market and purchase my yogurt and cheese. I need to brush up on my arabic greetings, b/c the owner knows the egyptian and always speaks. :-)

I even want to knock out a box or two in the storage room. Decisions Decisions my friends.

Alone can be good. How often are you TRULY alone?

Friday, October 29, 2010

Back to Thoughts

Looks like it is time to return to reality. I am sitting in the B&B in Mobile, Alabama, preparing for my last two meetings, and thinking about all I have to do when I get back.

Which is - nothing.

I think this week was good for me. Time to think only about work, and where to drive to according to the GPS and what I will say once I arrive to meet different people. Not a lot of time to think of the empty apartment I will be returning to.

I have received 3 emails from the egyptian. That's all. He says he is really busy (I can only imagine) and that he is exhausted (again - jet lag.. sure.) He says he doesn't have a lot of time to write anything, that he is using his brother's computer and about to leave. He never closes with an "I miss you" or "I love you." That part hurts.

I don't know what I expected? Perhaps I thought he would suddenly to revert back to the darling I once knew when he was in Egypt.?Does he finally feel the freedom he so longed for? Is he just showered in attention from his mother and family? Does returning to Egypt give him the purpose he so longed for in America?


I will head home - to "our" home and just read a little. Eat soooo much less. Go to Zumba tomorrow. Just be.

What's on your mind today? Any thoughts hanging over you like a virus? Or are you happy and care free? Maybe today.. an email can change my mood.. only three little words would do it. ;-)

Thursday, October 28, 2010

This and That

I don't even have a decent title for you. My brain is full of food -lol. I think having three square meals a day has fogged up my brain. It's kind of funny.

That got me to thinking about over indulging. When I am traveling for business (or otherwise) I indulge like crazy. I would never think of spending $30 or $40 on a dinner every night.. but when I know that is my limit, I tend to shoot for the stars. I never eat this much meat, or fried food or drink that many sugary espresso drinks in one day. However - that's where I find myself. I am going to need a wheel barrow to get me through Zumba on Saturday!

What do you indulge in? In my younger days (like elementary school days) I would indulge in ice cream or butterscotch discs. As a teen ager it was make up or Dr. Pepper. In college it was beer - and as an adult it was wine and martinis and random crap for the house.

Now? Books, music, and indulgent food.

Oh blasted sweet gluttony. ;-)

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


Day 2 - Pensacola, Florida

** using cell phone for pictures (quality is sooo bad)

My breakfast - course #1 - yeah, I hardly made a dent! Prepared by the Innkeeper - Barbie!

Then the most amazing French Toast was served!

Visiting one of my media sponsors - a Lite Rock Radio Station (This is Jackie Linn - the DJ)

Ooh.. second pic of breakfast.

Sorry the pics are out of order (and I am too lazy to fix them.. lol) Here is a glance at the menu where I had lunch. Just a few of my FAVORITE things.

Lunch! - Middle Eastern!

The Pensacola team - Natalie and Kelly

Dinner time - me, myself and I on the porch at the Dharma Blue

Don't you just love the ugly closeup - where you look like you have 8 chins and have a smirk?

View from my table

Spicy homemade chips with a blue cheese dip (I ate like 1/4 of it... but DELISH)

This is the Dharma Blue Salad. Steak with blue cheese, dressing and what is up with all of the spicy fried onion rings on salads in this town?

Some of the house in Pensacola

A drive by shot of downtown Pensacola.

After dinner I drove down to the pier. Don't worry - I called mom. I have been watching too many episodes of Without a Trace. I thought I should let someone know where I was!

a little H2O

Night! Night!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Safe, Sound & Stuffed!

That's right - I am safe, sound and completely stuffed! Unfortunately, I forgot my camera (brought the charger and the USB cord..but no camera. I do have my mobile phone - but the pics are all blurry.

However, that never stopped me before!

Day 1 - Pensacola, Florida Work Trip

I left the house at 6am and made it down to Pensacola. I started off with a meeting at The Fish House.

Here is the view from our table

Then when I turn my head to the right - here is my view

I had a salad with Beef Tenderloin, Feta Cheese, Vinegarette with friend onion rings

My Peanut Butter Chocolate Mousse Cake

This is where I am staying - The Pensacola Victorian B&B

My room - the Captain's Room

Across from the bed

My junk spread out on the dresser

To the right of the bed

My bathroom

Fun little toilet handle

Heading down the stairs


Dining room

Fireplace in the living room


Dinner was at the Melting Pot about one mile down the road. I ordered the Wiscoinsin Trio.

The silliest pic I could possibly take of me eating dinner  - alone! LOL

Monday, October 25, 2010

Alabama Politco ads make me want to vomit

OMG. I don't think it could get any worse than the following ads.

Welcome to my personal hell, that will end next Tuesday.

Someone.. please.. make it all go away!

Happiness is as easy as 1-2-3

"What a wonderful life I've had!  I only wish I'd realized it sooner. " ~Colette

How true is that quote? When we look around and look backwards - for the most part - there is a LOT of good. 

After a hard core pity party last night, I was able to get a handle on my emotions, my thoughts and my spirit.

I knew I just needed one day to fall apart. But I know, with all of my heart, that my life is full and how amazing to have someone in my life that can travel abroad and bring back awesome gifts. hahahahaa. See? I am concentrating on the positive.

The other good news - we are going to be thrilled to see one another soon enough.

On to other things - Happiness, that's the word of the day. BTW - I  got my thunder storm I wished for. Unfortunately, I guess my request was taken very seriously, as it turns out - we have intense storms for the next week. Lovely, especially since I am traveling tomorrow through the weekend.

That's right, another business trip to the coast and I am actually looking forward to the trip. I need to shake off the funk of this past week.

For now, here is a list of Happy pieces of my week that I am looking forward to:

- A Pumpkin Spice Latte this morning.
- Body Jam Class tonight
- Planning of my trip today at work. (I just looove planning. Weird, I know.)
- Packing my bags. Another thing I enjoy! (I always know I am going somewhere and I get great satisfaction from living on purpose!)
- Picking up my rental car (I like the idea of driving someone else's shiny new car for a week.)
- Getting that first email from the egyptian tonight
- Having a peaceful drive (before) the sun comes up - watching as it rises on the way to Florida.
- Visiting the adorable city of Pensacola.
- Finally eating at The Fish House. Apparently it is the BOMB!
- Staying in an old Victorian B&B for two nights in Florida
- Having an evening (just me) at The Melting Pot. A little treat after a long day of meetings.
- Driving to the coast, to sit alone on the Gulf of Mexico
- Driving across that big bay to Mobile. (Yeah, I am actually looking forward to it this time.)
- Staying at the other Victorian B&B for a night
- Stopping by my favorite Soul food Restaurant in Mobile
- Coming home and truly relaxing.
- Saturday - going to see the Phantom of the Opera at the Alabama Theater
-Knowing the egyptian gets to spend time with his family and friends!

See.. there are GOOD things. I am excited! :-) What about you? What makes you happy this week?

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Dark Clouds

~ Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad. ~ Henry Wadsworth

I have tried all morning to come up with something to write. Today was "the" day to say goodbye and try my best to not break down emotionally.

Last night we sat up and went over the details of his trip. I reassured him all of the bills would be taken care of, that security measures are in place, and my schedule is the same. We slept (sort of) and then at 5am we ventured to the airport. I gave him a hug, and he told me he hates goodbyes. I quickly got in my car and drove with the windows down and the music blaring. Trying to shake off the sadness. But it came - like a thunderstorm, consumed my heart, and I cried all the way home. I prayed to God for his safety, for my sanity, for a better tomorrow.

I came home numb. Literally stripped the clothes off and left them in the living room, found my most comfortable pjs and fell into bed. I slept hard. I woke up at 9am.. and sat up.. then fell back into bed. I turned on the tv, hardly moving, just watching.. numb. I checked my facebook account, went to the bathroom, heated up corn beef hash (then ate in bed) - and went back to sleep.

I finally pulled myself up and drove to get coffee. My head feels disconnected, my body numb, my spirit gone. I figured the only thing that could shake this feeling was to caffeinate. I went for a venti caramel macchiato. Now, I am back - in bed with my laptop, drinking my coffee and trying to sort through my feelings. This is a TRUE personal journal entry.

I wish it would rain really, really hard.

~ Man could not live if he were entirely impervious to sadness. Many sorrows can be endured only by being embraced, and the pleasure taken in them naturally has a somewhat melancholy character. ~ Emile Durkheim

Saturday, October 23, 2010


Fiesta - Birmingham, Alabama (A celebration that reaches out to the Latino community)

** The wind was kicking! (As well as the sun!)


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