Sunday, January 30, 2011

Last Sunday

It finally hit me last night. No really - it hit me.

I have been telling everyone I am actually excited about the egyptian moving to NYC.. (well, to be perfectly honest.. he has been a jackass the past week or two.)

But the truth is...

It sucks.

Because THIS time.. I am not sure when we will see each other again.

That sucks.

Yes, we have plans to reconnect in NYC. Or if a miracle happened and I was able to land an amazing job (I don't expect that to happen.) Heck, I'm really not even trying.

Why? Because there was one little thing the egyptian told me..

I asked him, "Hey - are you taking all of your things?" He replied, "No, I am only taking my winter clothes, nothing else."


Perhaps he just wants to get it out of his system. Perhaps he just wants to save a little money.

He changed his tone after I mentioned (about a week or so ago) - that worse case scenario, he could always stay up there through spring, save all of his money - come back and he would have enough for a car. He replied, "Yeah.. that's a good idea."

Yep, it was THAT easy.

See, it's not that I DON'T want to live there. I think it would be waaaay cooler than awesome. But I DON'T want to move up there and be.. well.. poor. The cost of living is ridiculous and the job market is extremely competitive. I'm for it.. just not now.

I have a different plan in my head. Which I will reveal in due time. But for now... we will wait and see.

That takes me back to my moment of truth last night. I went to bed before him, and just lay there staring at the ceiling. Suddenly two tears just rolled down my cheeks (really more off to the side of my head, since I was laying on my back.)

Yes, he can be an a$$hole. But he is my a$$hole.



Leanne said...

Oh, sweetie . . . .one day at a time. One day at a time. You've been through this - when he last visited his home. You are strong and you will see this through, and will be stronger because of it. And whatever is meant to be, will be. One day at a time.

Thinking of you.

The Bipolar Diva said...

I keep thinking of you with all the turmoil in Egypt. I hope your husband's family is safe.

Heather said...

I was reading this post (it pulled at me on the blogger dashboard) and although I don't know you at all and of course you don't know me...I for some reason actually feel your pain. And since I don't know your situation I feel like an ass saying I think I know how you feel...but for some odd reason I do feel a connection and very strong empathy for you.
If you need a complete stranger to bounce things back and forth with and one who may very well understand what you are dealing with please feel free to email me at
Again, I know I have no clue but for some strange reason felt it neccesary to message you about it.
Happy and positive thoughts are being sent to you from me!

Bossy Betty said...

You are both going through major transitions. Hang in there. Take a deep breath and know we are thinking about you.

Kathy Rosenbaum said...

Remember, you always have a "B&B" at our house and so does Yass.

As I used to say to Dodie when she'd say "life isn't fair"-
Yeah, but you don't have to make it harder!

Fingers crossed that he gets this NYC bug out of his system soon. I got it out of my system about 3 days after I moved here! :)

Nicole said...

I cannot thank each of you enough for your kind words. It's a crazy hard time for us, too many things. I will sort it all out.

Heather - your words are truly dear to me. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your kindness.

Mrs. Indecisive said...

awwwwwww I feel ya. My butthead leaves in...two weeks. For six months. The denial is not just in Egypt. Speaking of which, I hope your family is okay. I hope they get the changes they so badly want!!!

Anonymous said...

I am certain whatever may come your way, you will indeed come out the other end stronger and in a better position. That which does not kill you only makes you stronger my friend. You will indeed pull through this...remember, this is only temporary...

TV's Take said...

Oh, sounds like you could either use a hug or a glass/bottle of wine. Sorry to hear how things are hitting you. Hope your in-laws are safe.

Hoosier Chick said...

Chef was always the worst right before we had to get apart. My dad said the same thing about he and his wife. I think it's just a natural instinct for guys to be an ass before they part.

Anonymous said...


Ruby@Ruby'sMusings said...

Just can not imagine. My heart aches for you. Keeping you in prayer!


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