Ho! Ho! Ho!

I simply LOVE Christmas Eve. Even when times seem rough, some how, some way, the spirit leaks in, and just in the St. Nick of time!

Yesterday was nothing but lots of preparations. Cleaning, calling friends and wishing them well, watching Christmas movies, and just thinking of what the New Year will bring and all that Christmas is about.

Which is really what this post is about - the true spirit and meaning behind Christmas.

Yes, it's the celebration of Jesus's birthday and the fact that God sent his only begotten son into the world to teach people how to love and forgive. Sure, there's more to that story, but that's really for later in the year - and that's called Easter. But for now, it's about new beginnings, promises, and most importantly - LOVE.

That word has done a number on me this year. I loved working, I loved my apartment, I loved my friends, and most importantly, I loved my husband.

A few of those pieces of the equation are no more, but that sort of signifies what the world went through over 2,000 years ago. People loved their families, their beliefs, their way of life - then something monumental happened, something that would change history forever. Regardless of if you believe Christ is the Son of God, he was a historical figure and his life and message has shaped most of culture.

My life, like the lives of the Jews and Gentiles back then was running okay for the most part, then something amazing and life changing happens. Some look at it as a much needed answer to  prayer, and maybe even a blessing, while others see it as a nusiance and obstacle. Regardless of how we see it, a Savior was born and he taught something so simple - "Love others as "I" have loved you." Kindness, compassion and a hope of a better tomorrow.

That's what Christmas is all about - and that is what I am embracing today.

Last night my Egyptian came home to me. Big hugs, warm smiles, and lots of laughs. We stayed up so late just whispering and talking and catching up. This morning we drove into town and did a little last minute shopping. We worked together to wrap the Christmas gifts, we talked with my family, and honestly it felt magical. Just what my soul needed, and that was the best Christmas gift I could have ever gotten.

Tonight, a dear friend will be joining us for Christmas. Most of her family has moved away, and I could not stand to think of her alone on Christmas Eve. We plan to have a huge feast, followed by presents, then I have both Taboo and Apples to Apples to play, and finally a trip to Mass.

God Bless each and every one of you. I love you guys and hope you have a most blessed and magical Christmas. Try to see it as a night of hope and anticipation for a better tomorrow.

Do Not Be Afraid

"The man who doesn't relax and hoot a few hoots voluntarily, now and then, is in great danger of hooting hoots and standing on his head for the edification of the pathologist and trained nurse, a little later on. "~Elbert Hubbard

Amen to that Mr. Hubbard.

Week two of unemployment commences. Hootie Hoo!

I have decided to embrace summer (finally) - since technically everyone told me to do just that last week. I think I was still in such a state of shock, I had to go into "fix mode." Here's the thing, it's been one week. Sure, time is just a ticking into the future, but I have sent out over 20 resumes to some seriously - quality jobs. I actually got a call back for one - but after much debate with the egyptian, I am going to pass on this "possible" opportunity. With his Praxis coming up in a month, and school about to start back (his job,) the cost of relocating is just not worth it.

The sucky part - it was in Savannah. Yep... the city I have wanted to move to.

BUT - I think we have a plan we can both be satisfied with.. and that's what I am going with.

Instead of worrying about jobs this week (though I will spend 1 - 2 hours a day searching) - I plan to have a little fun this week. For instance, the pool. I live in a great apartment community. We have a racquet ball court, tennis courts, basketball courts, 2 pool, a gym, jacuzzi, a 1 -mile wooded trail and a movie theater (seriously.) There is no reason I don't take advantage of all of this crap I have been paying for.

So... beginning tomorrow - Vacation: Nicole will commence. There is food in the frig, gas in the car, and outside of one errand for a friend (picking her up from the train station) and one coffee "date" with another friend - I am a free agent.

You better believe I am going to embrace it.

I have to give all props to the big guy upstairs. I was feeling sort of.. well.. lonely, and a little worthless (one week with nothing to officially do other than clean house and drive the egyptian to work is a little disheartening.) I decided to go to mass. Except I tried another church -and guys - I LOVED IT. Everyone was so friendly (that's saying a lot for catholic churches... we tend to mind our own business..) and the priest was very nice, and it doesn't hurt that the message was dead on what I needed to hear.

The overall theme - "Do Not Be Afraid."  Remember when Pope John Paul II came out with his overall message to the world? It was those very words. Do Not Be Afraid. God is with you.

The gospel today was the story that involved Jesus walking on water. Don't remember that one? Well it goes a little something like this:

After feeding the 5000, Jesus sends his disciples ahead of him in a boat to cross the Sea of Galilee. Several hours later in the night, the disciples encounter a storm. Jesus comes to them, walking on the water. This terrifies the disciples and they think they are seeing a ghost. Jesus tells them in verse 27, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

Peter replies, "Lord, if it's you, tell me to come to you on the water." So Jesus invites Peter to come. Peter gets out of the boat and begins walking on the water toward Jesus. But when Peter takes his eyes off Jesus and sees the wind and waves, he begins to sink. Peter cries out to the Lord and Jesus immediately reaches out his hand and catches Peter. As they climb into the boat together, the storm ceases. Then the disciples worship Jesus, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."

For me, the story says - concentrate on what's important, and "He's" got this. So I kneeled in the pew at mass and just asked Jesus to hold my hand through this. I mean, seriously... if Jesus were to come to Earth, and we all saw him.. and he walked around with me, holding my hand... I mean.. come on.. I would not be afraid of anything. So, I decided that would be my little thought process.

During the Homily, the priest was talking about how God will is what we need to focus on. I sort of smiled, thinking of how arabs, before they even speak of the future, they always say, "Inshallah." Which translates to God Willing. Soo... I will be okay, Inshallah.

As I was going to take the Eucharist (Communion for my Protestant friends..) the choir sang, "Do Not Be Afraid" and all I could think was - THAT'S IT. That's God's message to me this week.

So, my friends.. I will NOT be afraid. This too shall pass. I will concentrate on Jesus and God and not look at the choppy waters around me, and you better believe, I feel like I am in the eye of the Hurricane... it seems calm.. but I know I am surrounded on all sides. Maybe with trusting God to be on my side, I can weather this storm.

Inshallah.

I will leave you with a YouTube version of the song. The lyrics speak volumes.

Thank God

"Angels descending, bring from above,
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love."
~Fanny J. Crosby

I am about to get biblical on you. ;-) Just kidding - not really, but I need to say something... and it might get a little "metaphysical."

I had a CRAPPY day yesterday, mixed in with little bouts of good. As the evening progressed, it only got worse. I can always tell when the stress is trying to overtake my body - every muscle hurts so bad.

I got home and all hell broke loose. After dinner and an impromptu peach cobbler (which I had no business making while trying to diet,) I decided to just PRAY. I cried and prayed for well over an hour. I even broke out the rosary.

The tension is palpable. Sometimes, I feel like I could just snap. Not in the "Snapped" A&E murderess type of way, but in the Sylvia Plath "Bell Jar" sense.

So I did the only thing I had left to do - and that was offer up all of my stress, sadness, and anger to God. I told God that I just could not handle the issues that are bothering me any more. I had no where else to turn.

Before bed, as I was laying secluded in my bedroom - I happened to glance at my phone. My friend, Laura, from work - sent me a message:

I was reading through that Praying God's Word book & found this quote & sent it to my brother. Thought you would like it too :)


"Overcoming rejection is God's unquestionable will for your life if you belong to Him. How do you overcome rejection? By applying large doses of God's love to your wounded heart daily and by allowing Him to renew your mind until the rejected thinks like the accepted.


Jesus Christ will never leave you or forsake you. He will never cast you away. He is incapable of suddenly deciding He no longer wants you. If you have received God's Son as your Savior, nothing you can do will cause Him to reject you. Believe what God's Word tells you about Him and about you. You are defined by the love and acceptance of the Creator and Sustainer of the universe. He happens to think you are worth loving... and keeping. Find your identity in Him."

Regardless of what, dear reader,  you believe - this spoke to me. It was timely and like an answer to a prayer. Laura had no idea what I was going through that night, or what I was experiencing. Out of nowhere - this was sent to me. Right after I had finished praying and trying to calm down.

***

That night, as I lay sleeping, I woke up suddenly by a bright light. I thought - WHAT IN THE WORLD? It was the biggest, brightest moon shining through the blinds of my bedroom. Something about it comforted me... and I went back to sleep... hoping the moon beams would somehow heal my hurt.

This morning, I awoke - calm. I feel a sense of peace. EXACTLY what I needed. Yes, I have prayed for this many, many times - but never actually felt it. This time, I do.

Then I get to work - and I open my little daily reading piece, and you will not believe what today's said! I will transcribe it here:

Love All of Yourself

Do more than just accept yourself, tolerate yourself, put up with yourself, endure who you are. Love yourself.

There came a time in my life when I simply could no longer put up with putting up with myself. I had talked about self-love. I had said out loud that I loved myself. The words were good, but they didn't ring true. I had to actually begin experiencing and practicing love for myself. It became the next step on my path.

To live in a magical way, one in which you connect with the universe, loving yourself isn't optional. It comes first. To hear the quiet voice of your heart so you know you are being led, to hear your thoughts so you can see what you really believe, to trust and open your heart, you must first experience love for yourself.

Have you abandoned yourself? Let yourself see if that's true, feel it that's true. Then learn to experience love for yourself.

Learn to love the way you handle things. Love your unique way of learning, growing and seeing things. Love where you've been. Love what you've done. Love where you are, and what you're doing now.

Love how you look, smell, and feel. Love the color of your eyes, the color of your hair, and the radiance in your heart. Love how you laugh. Love how you cry. Love your mistakes, and love all the good you've done. Love it all. Love all of you.

"Step into love for yourself, and the universe will reflect that love back to you."

Coincidence?

"Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous. ~Albert Einstein"

Learning the Language of Prayer

This week I have been reading a little Joyce Huggett. She is a Greek writer and commentator (who now lives in England) - she has written several books, "The Joy of Listening to God,"  "Listening to Others," and "Learning the Language of Prayer."

Since I am spending Sunday as my day of inspiration and meditation, I thought I would share with you some of the interesting things I have learned so far from this book.

One thing is - she defines meditation and how it will work for someone who is in need of "prayer time" - not just clearing the mind time.

This was great news for me! I tend to have a really hard time calming my brain down long enough to do a proper meditation. It is a rare day that I can completely focus. She says, "Meditation is another word people often use about prayer. But Christian mediation must not be confused with yoga, Eastern meditation or transcendental meditation. For unlike these disciplines, Christian meditation has nothing to with emptying our minds. Christian meditation engages every part of us - our mind, our emotions, our imagination, our creativity and, supremely, our will."

I like that. It engages all of the attributes and actions I hold near and dear to my heart: my mind, my emotions, my imagination, my creativity and... lord have mercy, and my will! It almost makes me want to run off and pray! But, let's be honest - it's not easy to do.

Archbishop Anthony Bloom once said, " Meditation is a piece of straight thinking under God's guidance." I like that also. Straight thinking.. with guidance from above. Pretty cool.

Even in the Bible (don't let me lose you here - I am going to get to my point, and it applies to everyone - regardless of beliefs!) - one of the Psalmist actually describes his practice of meditation:
On my bed I think of you,
I meditate on you all night long

Gosh, it sounds like a love affair. Wistful lovers... but in a way.. isn't that what devotion is?
It goes on to say:
I mean to meditate on your precepts
and to concentrate on your paths.

Though princes put me on trial,
your servant will meditate on your statues

I stretch out my hands to your beloved commandments,
I meditate on your statues.

Huggett says, "The word he used in these verses means to "muse," "to ponder," "to reflect," "to consider." In other words, the Christian meditation involves, not empties, but fullness."

I see that it means being attentive. To God.

Now it goes without saying, isn't this a bit like our blog posts, or any other journal writing? When we bare our souls, when we share what our needs, wants, fears are - it's a bit like "meditating" - we muse, we ponder, we reflect, we consider. With that being said, I almost see my posts as a bit of dialog with you and with.. well.. the universe (or God!)

Now for those of you on a more religious side, here is how you can apply. (And for those of you curious.. or not.. just hang in there!) - Using scripture can become a part of our make-up if we meditate on it. And the best way to prepare to meditate is to respond to the following:
(Psalms 46:10) - "Be still, and know that I am God." I have ALWAYS loved that.

When I am totally freaked - I try to remember that.

Without giving you an exhaustive review of all that I have learned, I highlighted some key items I found in her book. I thought I would share them with you. Also, I hope to take these ideas into my week. If you remember - each day for me is like a "theme" personally. I plan to write a second blog post today (a more personal one) and share the results of my "themed week." For now, I want to leave you with this (and some resources) :

- Christian mediation engages every part of us - our mind, our emotions, our imagination, our creativity and, supremely, our will.
- It means being attentive to God.
- Luke 4:5-8,  Jesus answered, "It is written: "Worship the Lord your God and serve him only."
- Psalm 46:10, "Be still, and know that I am God."
- We should stop to reflect and to treasure the words of inspiration.
- "Meditation" and "contemplation" are often used interchangeably. This is understandable because certain similarities suggest that the two forms of prayer are synonymous. Like meditation, contemplation involved putting ourselves into the hands of God so that he can change and transform our attitudes, perceptions and behavior. Like meditation, contemplation involves listening intently to the Word of God. And like meditation, contemplation requires still in order that we may open ourselves to God and his penetrating, powerful Word.
- "Contemplation is nothing else but the perfection of love." by Thomas Merton.
- Thomas Merton: Contemplation is about growing in love. If we take the work of contemplation seriously, we cannot escape the theme of love - of God's inexhaustible love for us, for people everywhere, for the whole creation... Contemplation is to know and love God perfectly in the depths of your being."
- While the person meditating mutters and muses on God's word, the contemplative pays silent attention to Jesus, the living Word - the one who is central to their prayer.
- We can do this while we tidy our room or drive home from work because it is an attitude of mind and heart rather than an activity.
- It will be impossible to contemplate until pressures have been handed over to God.
- 1 Peter 5:7 - "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
- The prayer is usually wordless and fed by a deep desire.
- Psalm 34:8 - "Taste and see that the Lord is good."


Resources:
Joyce Hugget - The Joy of Listening to God, Listening to God, and Learning the Language of Prayer (That's the one I was reading this week.)
Also - check out - Anthony Bloom's Beginning to Pray.

Look - you don't have to be religious, but try to sit and engage all of your senses and just be grateful.. and let what ever needs come into your mind - welcome the universe to come on in!

Good luck this week - I have a 'LOT' to contemplate. LOL

Loving my Neighbor.. even the one with the barking dog.

If only we lived in the fairy tale home, with the perfect little gingerbread houses and smiling and happy people as our neighbors.

However, this is not reality. 10 homes in my building. On my floor - there is a young, gay male who works as a waiter across the hall; the person to my left is a young, african american, single female; across from her is a 40-something year old white female. All professional. All quiet.

Below us is a young military guy and across from him is another guy in his early 30s. Right below me is a young african-american, military couple - and across from her is a LOUD, obnoxious 20 year old who throws parties most weekends. Below them is a punk-rock guy who practises his guitar most afternoons, and two college students across from him.

Do I love my neighbors? Lord knows I am trying. But I don't really think that is what the meditation I came across is all about today.

By loving your neighbor, you are traveling on a journey.

Where are you journeying except to the Lord God.

We have not yet reached the Lord, but our neighbor is with us already.

So, support your neighbor who is traveling with you, so that you may reach Him with whom you long to dwell.

~St. Augustine, 5th century

As promised, I am on my Lenten journey. I must admit - I have stayed off Facebook (and I miss it) - but I have not done my devotions the way I wanted to. I even skipped out of Ash Wednesday. I have my reasons, and they are personal. I will just leave it at that.

But I have done something that I normally am completely inable to do - I am loving my neighbor. This means I am truly taking a moment and seeing each person as an individual - living, breathing, feeling person. I know you are probably thinking - geez Nicole..

Let's be honest with ourselves for one minute. We love people who love us. We love people who meet our standards. And Lord knows, we love people who are really, really bad off (as in the poor children in Africa, and the victims in Haiti.)

What about the redneck down the street that slings racial slurs? What about the egotistical CEO that is taking more than giving back? Can we take a moment and see them for the person they are?

I don't believe anyone is born innately evil. I don't. I believe the world around us shapes us into the hateful, judgemental, angry, insecure people that we all are. And yes - we all have hate in our heart. Do you hate a sinner? Do you hate the murderer? Do you hate the child molestor?

Here is an example of what we (Christians) are taught:

~And one of the scribes came and heard them arguing, and recognizing that He had answered them well, asked Him, "What commandment is the foremost of all?" Jesus answered, "The foremost is, 'Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is one Lord; and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.' "The second is this, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these." (NAS, Mark 12:28-31)

In Jesus' teachings, our relationship with our fellow men, women and children is inseparable from our relationship with God. Love of God and love of our neighbors are two aspects of the same calling:
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (NIV, John 13:34-35)

Who is my Neighbor?
We commonly think of neighbors as the people who live near us, but Jesus meant it to include all mankind - even our enemies! Jesus told His famous parable of the Good Samaritan to make it clear that "love your neighbor" means to love all persons, everywhere - not just our friends, allies, countrymen, etc.:
One day an expert on Moses' laws came to test Jesus' orthodoxy by asking him this question: "Teacher, what does a man need to do to live forever in heaven?" Jesus replied, "What does Moses' law say about it?" "It says," he replied, "that you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind. And you must love your neighbor just as much as you love yourself." "Right!" Jesus told him. "Do this and you shall live!" The man wanted to justify (his lack of love for some kinds of people), so he asked, "Which neighbors?" Jesus replied with an illustration: "A Jew going on a trip from Jerusalem to Jericho was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes and money, and beat him up and left him lying half dead beside the road. "By chance a Jewish priest came along; and when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by. A Jewish Temple-assistant walked over and looked at him lying there, but then went on. "But a despised Samaritan came along, and when he saw him, he felt deep pity. Kneeling beside him the Samaritan soothed his wounds with medicine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his donkey and walked along beside him till they came to an inn, where he nursed him through the night. The next day he handed the innkeeper two twenty-dollar bills and told him to take care of the man. 'If his bill runs higher than that,' he said, 'I'll pay the difference the next time I am here.' "Now which of these three would you say was a neighbor to the bandits' victim?" The man replied, "The one who showed him some pity." Then Jesus said, "Yes, now go and do the same." (TLB, Luke 10:25-37)

The Jews and Samaritans had been enemies for hundreds of years. The Jews of Jesus' society considered the Samaritans to be ceremonially unclean, socially outcast, religious heretics. Yet, the Samaritan took pity on the poor man who had been robbed and beaten. He gave freely of both his time and his money to help this Jewish man who was not only a stranger, but also an enemy from a foreign country. In His parable of the Good Samaritan, Jesus challenges us to "Go and do the same."

To reinforce that "love your neighbor" applies to everyone, Jesus extended the rule of love to even our enemies!

"There is a saying, 'Love your friends and hate your enemies.' But I say: Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way you will be acting as true sons of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust too. If you love only those who love you, what good is that? Even scoundrels do that much. If you are friendly only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even the heathen do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect. (TLB, Matthew 5:43-48)

Like the unselfish Samaritan man of Jesus' parable, we are called to extend our love and concern to all persons everywhere, as our neighbors. We should not exclude anyone or any group because of social status, a supposed character fault, religious difference, racial difference, ethnic difference, citizenship difference, etc.

This is my Lenten revelation (of sorts.) This what I will attempt to do.