**photo by Shannon Singh
This morning I was so tired from very little sleep and no coffee. I sent out a plea asking for a "word" any word to write about.
Yenta Mary at Flood Floozie gave me an excellent word - Redemption.
What does redemption mean? Well - it is the act of redeeming.. so - what does it mean to redeem? Webster says:
v. To regain possession of by paying a specified sum. 2. Pay off 3. To turn in (coupons, etc.) and receive something in exchange 4. To rescue or ransom 5. To save from sin. 6. To make up for 7. To fulfill.
All good stuff. All serious stuff. The first thing that came to mind was relationships.
One thing I have learned in my thirties, life is not about the things you have or the things you achieved, it is definitely about how you relate to others.
In the end - that's all that we have.
I, for one, am horrible at relationships of any kind. Seriously. It takes a special person to get my sense of humor... so in turn, I might accidentally offend, disturb, or brush off someone without even realizing it.
Let me see if I can explain deeper - I have been accused of being brash, too straight forward, and lacking in tact. Basically, in my opinion, I just call it like I see it.
Honestly, when you meet me - I am normally smiling, happy, upbeat. I have tons of energy and I am a talker. Chatty chat chat. My husband asks me all the time, 'Do you ever just SHUT UP?' Yeah.. not very nice, but it's true. I have soo much to say... and add a little caffeine or a subject I am passionate about and I could seriously talk for hours. (Hello? Long winded blog posts.. ;-) )
Needless to say, I am not the best at relationships. I guess I just don't fall into rules governing friendships very well. No, I am not going to talk bad about you. I am very loyal. Yes, I will give you advise based on my life experience, even if you don't ask for it. Yes, I will honestly tell you if I think your boyfriend has a wandering eye. No, I will not pretend everything is okay when you verbally attack me, my husband, my family or other friends.
Redemption - perhaps I need to redeem myself.
So - to all of the "peeps" out there who I have left a bad taste in their mouths, here is what I have to say to you:
1. My intention is never to hurt anyone. I have been hurt enough in my life, and would never, ever choose to make any person feel the way others have made me feel.
2. I will never lie to you. I think I was not born with the "white lie to make people feel better" gene. Sorry.
3. If I chose to have you in my life, that means I see something really special about you.
4. If I am in a relationship with you (love), it means I carefully considered whether or not you are a good fit for my future. Please handle with care.
5. I have gone through quite a bit in a short amount of time - and I want to help you. It may involve advice. It is my way of "giving back" for all you have given me.
There. Not sure if that is good enough - but I look at my friend lists and past BFFs and whatever, and realize.. I am very misunderstood. However- what I will never apologize for is another's insecurity. I will never try to be the "hero" and I will never compare myself to you or try to be like you. I won't let you
I am an individual - and for that, there is no redemption.
Now on to Leanne's request - my favorite movie lines. Consider it done! Click HERE.
As for patience (from Telisa) - I finally have it. Seriously, after all of these years I have learned to let go.. and go with the flow. The problem with that is - I just choose not to do it!
As for Melissa's word - Destiny.. oh my.. let me tackle that one in a whole other post.
(PS - Welcome Ally!)
Okay.. that's all I have in me today. I accidentally fell out of my chair at work yesterday. No.. seriously... I did. I leaned over to get something and whack-a-doodle I went.
Pain Pain Pain on the lower right side of my back. Nothing seems to work and it feels like a freaking spasm. Every time I breath in it clenches.
Okay.. enough about me.. at least now you can see why I was having trouble writing.
PS - Not to mention my husband is insisting that we move to a city where there is proper public transportation by February. Lord have mercy upon my soul. :-$