I sometimes think that the topics I write about scare some of you off! Or maybe you take what I say too seriously. In all honesty, I am being serious - but I am not a debbie downer. If you met me in person, I am quite animated and am always joking around.
I began rereading some of my blog posts and I realized that MAYBE my topics lean on the "heavy" side. I know that I am sharing my ups and downs in a multi-cultural marriage, the dysfunctions of growing up, fighting against discrimination and human rights atrocities, and then I bring up topics like fear and bullying and codependency and.. I could go on and on.
Here's the thing - I work in a position where I have to be at 100% all the time. Happy, excited, peppy. But really, I like to talk about the deeper issues. I like having a place I can randomly ask people, "Hey, what do YOU think? And DO you think like me?" It's nice.. I look forward to it.
One of my words I promised to write about was "Truth." Telling the truth and being okay with it - that's what this post is about. I try so hard to be honest with each of you - about the way I feel, the way I see things, the way I understand things. I am not pretending to be anybody or anything different from what I am. I could try the whole "positivity" bit and share my little pieces of wisdom.. but for me to get to that point, and for you to take me seriously I think I should share with you who I really am.
I share and say things here you would never hear me say in person. I realized that the other night. I was someplace and someone who I noticed was on my "fan page" list on FB came up to me and said, "Hey, How are you doing?" (so very seriously) - I kind of laughed and said, "I'm fine, thanks.. " And I kind of looked at this person like they were a little strange. She then says, " Okay.. " (skeptical) "I just wanted to ask.. and say hi." And then she nodded at me as if to say - Hey.. I KNOW.
That was the first time it took me by surprise. I sometimes forget who is reading this on FB. There are almost 200 people on the fan page and another 100 or so on networked blogs. More than half are people I know, not necessarily people I see everyday. Only a handful of close friends actually read this. My own husband does not read what I write. So I thought this was a safe outlet.
You have to understand - I am the queen of "everything is okay." And folks - it is. BUT (and that's a big one) - there are things I think about , worry about, fear, feel sad about, feel excited about, want to rejoice about, want to brag about - and THIS is the place for me to do it. It just so happens a handful of you get to go on the ride with me.
There are days when I just want to delete the blog, and then pretend I never shared half of what I have written. Then, every once in a while, one of you will comment and share with me how something I wrote touched you, or how you could relate, or you share words of encouragement, or you commiserate with me or you rejoice with me. That's why I keep doing this!
Truth. That's what I am dishing out on the unknown journey called life.
I just want to thank you for hanging in there with me. Your comments, your support and your understanding truly lifts me higher in spirit and I am so grateful for every single one of you.