Tuesday, August 3, 2010

It just might SCARE you!

I sometimes think that the topics I write about scare some of you off! Or maybe you take what I say too seriously. In all honesty, I am being serious - but I am not a debbie downer. If you met me in person, I am quite animated and am always joking around.

I began rereading some of my blog posts and I realized that MAYBE my topics lean on the "heavy" side. I know that I am sharing my ups and downs in a multi-cultural marriage, the dysfunctions of growing up, fighting against discrimination and human rights atrocities, and then I bring up topics like fear and bullying and codependency and.. I could go on and on.

Here's the thing - I work in a position where I have to be at 100% all the time. Happy, excited, peppy. But really, I like to talk about the deeper issues. I like having a place I can randomly ask people, "Hey, what do YOU think? And DO you think like me?" It's nice.. I look forward to it.

One of my words I promised to write about was "Truth." Telling the truth and being okay with it - that's what this post is about. I try so hard to be honest with each of you - about the way I feel, the way I see things, the way I understand things. I am not pretending to be anybody or anything different from what I am. I could try the whole "positivity" bit and share my little pieces of wisdom.. but for me to get to that point, and for you to take me seriously I think I should share with you who I really am.

I share and say things here you would never hear me say in person. I realized that the other night. I was someplace and someone who I noticed was on my "fan page" list on FB came up to me and said, "Hey, How are you doing?" (so very seriously) - I kind of laughed and said, "I'm fine, thanks.. " And I kind of looked at this person like they were a little strange. She then says, " Okay.. " (skeptical) "I just wanted to ask.. and say hi." And then she nodded at me as if to say - Hey.. I KNOW.

That was the first time it took me by surprise. I sometimes forget who is reading this on FB. There are almost 200 people on the fan page and another 100 or so on networked blogs. More than half are people I know, not necessarily people I see everyday. Only a handful of close friends actually read this. My own husband does not read what I write. So I thought this was a safe outlet.

You have to understand - I am the queen of "everything is okay." And folks - it is. BUT (and that's a big one) - there are things I think about , worry about, fear, feel sad about, feel excited about, want to rejoice about, want to brag about - and THIS is the place for me to do it. It just so happens a handful of you get to go on the ride with me.

There are days when I just want to delete the blog, and then pretend I never shared half of what I have written. Then, every once in a while, one of you will comment and share with me how something I wrote touched you, or how you could relate, or you share words of encouragement, or you commiserate with me or you rejoice with me. That's why I keep doing this!

Truth. That's what I am dishing out on the unknown journey called life.

I just want to thank you for hanging in there with me. Your comments, your support and your understanding truly lifts me higher in spirit and I am so grateful for every single one of you.


Leanne said...

You know, I really love this post, Nicole. And I have to say, one of the reasons why I have continued to come back to your blog time after time is because of the honesty that you give. I love that you writing is of SUBSTANCE. THOUGHT. MEANING. Not fluff. You make me think about things that are important, and I really appreciate that. I tend to be someone who is always "on" (happy face and all), but it's so nice to stop by here and really hear your words and think about the subjects that you are passionate about. I find that so very refreshing, and I thank you for it.

I am, however, one of those regular worry warts. And as you know from my very own emails to you - I'm one of those, "How is everything...really?" kind of people. But don't take it too personally - because I would do that to anyone (not only you.) Not that I don't 'really' want to know - but I have that need to want to HELP people - even when they don't need it (that is often a really annoying trait of mine.) Don't give up on me, though.

Keep your writing real to who you are, and know that there are some of us out here who really appreciate it and recognize it for the greatness that it comes with.

Nicole said...

Oh Leanne - you can ask me how I am as much as you like! ;-) Thank you for sticking with me!

Anonymous said...

Nicole, you read my blog faithfully and you know I am all about keeping it real. I love that you are so honest. First and foremost being honest with yourself. That is a rare quality, but one that I sincerely admire!

Please oh please don't delete your blog...I would be beside myself! I look forward to your daily post, or how ever often you feel like sharing a part of yourself. And I totally love the way you write!



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