Thursday, November 4, 2010

Figuring things out

"Freedom from desire leads to inner peace." ~ Lao Tse

I am at peace. Is it possible? Can it be true? Perhaps it is just the medicine I am taking to fight this mini viral infection, or perhaps I am just mentally clear, focused and.. well.. peaceful.

WTH?!?

After I went through the grieving period of having to be away from my egyptian for so long, and somewhere after the focus and stamina to drive down to the coast and work for a week, and somewhere after I returned  home then ended up sick - I found my quiet place.

I think knowing that each day, each minute, each moment is ALL mine is pretty powerful. I am completely in control, no negative words anywhere near me, and just a sense of center.

Sure - I miss my egyptian. I miss his smile, I miss his funny horse sounds he makes when he is trying to be funny, I miss watching him hide behind the kitchen window eating his flat bread and cheese...

But the truth of the matter is, a lot of his happy moments were slipping by. He basically sank into a bit of a depression and missed his family and friends. God willing, he is at peace - amongst his people, telling his stories, and speaking strictly arabic. No nagging wife, no sitting in an apartment, no stress of a daily routine as a husband.

I hope he gets it out of his system and returns to America refreshed and ready to take on the world. :-)

But I digress..

I AM enjoying my time alone. Lots of reading, a handful of movies, a LOT more shopping, quiet dinners with the TV in my pjs, leaving my shoes and bras where ever I want too..

It's like being single without all of the desire mixed in. My "desire", my love is across the ocean. This is the longest we have ever gone without hearing each other's voice (since we met.) Very interesting also.

Yeah - I guess I am just figuring some things out. Spending time with myself. Getting some clarity. Staying busy.

What about you - what have you "sort of" figured out this week?

4 comments:

TV's Take said...

What have I figured out this week...that weeks without working out do a number on my mind and body. This resulted in trying a pilates class at the gym and I LOVED it.

Leanne said...

I have to tell you, I completely "get" this post. As you know, PG travels OFTEN for work. I have to say, my most balanced and productive days are when my beloved is out of town. (I hate to admit it.) I think when he is here, my expectations are raised. And when he is gone, I don't rely on anyone to pitch in - I know that I am the only one to get things done, so I do it. Plus, I focus so much more on ME. Strange, isn't it, how sometimes all we need is a little alone time to clear up the craziness. I'm glad you are finding this time, Nicole. I am hoping that when Mr. E returns, you keep this clarity.

Thinking of you always, dear friend.

Hoosier Chick said...

I figured out that my identity wasn't in my job or place or work. And that I had slowly lost some of the things that I missed about myself. Including my ridiculously warped sense of humor.

Cassandra said...

Good for you Nicole!

I haven't come close to figuring anything out this week, except maybe my schedule for next semester. Blah.

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