I am not sure if you knew this or not, but I think I have the flu. I know, I know - 10 years and no flu. Then again, I am slowly starting to feel a little better.
While in complete delirium (fever induced I am sure) and the simple fact I just spent the past 4 days with my immediate family in my one bedroom apartment - I came to the realization that I need to create my own traditions and my "own" kind of family.
Hang in there with me folks - I am on meds..
Okay - sooo.. here is the thing.
When I got married in 2000 I was in a different place. I was 27, had the big traditional catholic wedding, married the (baptist) preacher's son and lived in a great house with 2 dogs, a few cats, a garden, and two exchange students. A ready made family, if you will. We all celebrated Christmas and Thanksgiving, Valentines Day and Easter - family is 30 minutes away (on both sides) and most of my friends I had known for years and years.
Times have changed, and I am not sure if I have accepted everything.... completely.
See, I met the egyptian right before I got divorced. No, he was not the reason I got divorced, but he was right there to pick up the pieces for me when it was all said and done. I never dealt nor had proper closure from my previous adult life. I moved into uncharted territory - a foreign man from a foreign land with different customs, language and traditions. DUH - I know, you are thinking that.
Here's the thing, I feel like the egyptian and I are like dance partners now, but we are both trying to lead and both know the steps to a different dance. The kind that ends a sloppy mess - yet our intentions are to be great dancers??? Okay.. Okay.. maybe I should write when my meds wear off - but do you understand where I am going with this?
The fact of the matter is - I will never have children of my own. My traditions (from the past) and my husband's traditions are drastically different. But that does not mean they can't become a beautiful fusion. I need to make new traditions for us (with his input - of course!) and create our own little family, a more modern/multi-cultural mix of a family. Two people make up a family unit. We need to see that.
I think another thing he and I have to realize is, unlike couples with children (who can throw themselves into the growth and development of their little ones) - we have only ourselves, with family miles (and oceans) away. I think that I seem to be "working" on my relationship more than most because, well... that's all we have.
With that - I think in 2011, it is time to create our own traditions and recognize our very special type of family. I think the next decade has a lot of amazing things in store for us, and during this holiday season, I will reflect on the traditions I want to keep in my life and the ones I think we could adapt.
What about you? Do you hold onto the past because that's what we know and are comfortable with? Are we living authentic lives and creating our new reality?