Don Marquis once said, "The most pleasant and useful persons are those who leave some of the problems of the universe for God to worry about." That's what I have got to do.
I am a regular ring master these days, with trying to hold it all together. But it is times like these that always leave me in a load of trouble. High blood pressure, stress, emotional outbursts (or worse, I clam up) -even sickness will pop up. I feel it coming on, you know that feeling - the achy muscles at the end of the day, the dizzy spells, the clinching in the neck and shoulders, the shortness of breath, the inability to clearly focus when people are talking...
That's exactly what I am experiencing. Typical day. Add on top of that - I am not eating as much. I had a cup of coffee, a small breakfast sandwich from Starbucks, about 4 bites of my salad at lunch, and 2 cups of water. That's it. I tried to eat tonight, but I felt nauseated. It's what I do.. it's called STRESS.
My only Zen moment today was the brief drive home from work. I never turned on the radio, and I just drove. I unconsciously took deep breaths all of the way home - something I did not notice I was doing until I actually pulled up at a stop light. I realized I needed to slooooow down. I stopped by Walgreens and picked up a big bag of Epsom Salts, and I plan to just soak my worries away tonight in my big garden tub. Got to let this just roll off my back...
My egyptian shut down again today. I think he is getting nervous about his big move. He is super quiet, and if you knew him - you would know there is nothing I can do to get him to come out of his shell. I tried all the small talk in the world.. and that was all I got, small talk. He totally lacks any skills in the coping arena.
I tried over and over to even write tonight. NOTHING. Absolutely nothing came. I started to write about work, then I thought about the boring stuff of the day, I even went so far as to research a little about the Gypsies in Alabama (No, I am serious.. they exist.) I just could not do anything.
After a two hour episode of American Idol, inspiration came.
I am just trying to be the ring master in this three ring circus known as my life.
Step right up ladies and gentleman.. a spectacle like you have never seen before!
In one ring you have Nicole at Work.. trying like the devil to make magic happens with a massive media campaign to let women know that heart disease is their number one killer. Her rival? The little pink ribbon.. watches how she dukes it out with the Pink Ladies.. all while wearing her little red dress.
Then in the second ring is Nicole the Wife. Watch as she tries to hold down the house, clean, cook, earn the money, pay the bills, and somehow keep an ever-anxious husband happy... all the while, failing miserably.
Then in the third and final ring - see Nicole.
Wait.. where is she?