Abdou.
When one of the O'Reilly's or the Rodriguez's or the Rizzo's ask for my full name... their eyes raise at Abdou... in the catholic church.
See - Abdou is an Arabic name. Which is my husband's last name. In America, we typically take the last name of our husband. Not a big deal. In the rest of the world (parts of Europe, Asia, Africa, the Middle East, South America, etc.) - the women do not take the name of their husband. So, in the beginning, my husband was confused. He said, "Nicole, it just doesn't sound right."
I will admit, I debated whether to become an Abdou. I had a few reservations -
1. It was a second marriage. When I first started working at AHA, my last name was Parker. Then I divorced just a few months after I started working there, and immediately went back to my maiden name. Then - about a year later, I was remarried. I just thought (professionally) it might be too confusing in a city where I was still trying to establish myself.
2. Abdou. It is Arabic. Would it cause problems for me when I send my resume out? Would people immediately judge the applicant, without seeing who I am? Meaning - did they think Arab? Did they think Muslim? Would I be discriminated against? I must admit, when I show up to meet people for a meeting, they are often surprised to see a fair skinned, blue eyed southern girl.
In the end, I wanted to take my husband's name. Maybe it is the traditionalist in me. But since we did not have a formal christian wedding, I needed to feel like I was married. That symbol of a union. It works for me. I proudly carry his name.
BUT - another item has popped up. The convergence of cultures. Yes, he follows the tradition of Islam and Yes, I follow the tradition of Catholicism... but our world's are colliding. I have more and more Egyptian friends, while he is gathering a few typical American friends. I would say I have 3 (traditional American) friends in Birmingham - the rest are from other countries. (Or are 1st generation American.) English, Cuban, Mexican, Lebanese, East Indian, Egyptian, Korean, African (Congo), Venezuela, etc.
When I started making friends at my church, I felt out of place. A circle I once would have melted into, suddenly felt like it did not fit. I have been toying with finding another place of worship... and I think I found a place to mix both traditions!
As I was browsing the Parishes in the Diocese of Birmingham - I saw two that really stood out - St. Elias (Maronite Rite) and St. George the Great Martyr (Melkite Rite.) Both are from the Mediterranean traditions but follow under the same Pope. (Translation - we are all catholic.)
As soon as I looked at the website for St. Elias, my eyebrows raised - I saw someone with the last name Saad. (One of the 5 names my husband has. Yes - I said 5.) Then I kept looking - more and more arabic names - BUT CATHOLIC - NOT MUSLIM. This may be a place I can relate. The Maronite is mainly a Lebanese population (very similar to Egyptian.) I plan to check it out. Not to mention - they host the Lebanese Food & Cultural Festival this month!
Then as I was checking out the Melkite Rite Parish - these are the people that throw the Middle Eastern Festival each year. (Their congregation is mainly Greek & Lebanese.) Another possibility!
I know it seems a little bizarre for me to transfer to a different sect of the catholic church, but my life has DRASTICALLY changed (culturally speaking.) I embrace my husband's culture - but my core belief system is very different. I thought I might do a little research, visit a few different mass schedules and see what happens.
Now I ask you - how have you compromised to fit into your adult life with your significant other? If you are single, how far would you go to fuse your lives?
