Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Stability

Sometimes it is just too hard to not let your emotions rule your life.

I used to be soooo in control. Then I met - HIM.
You know it is love... when all reason is thrown out the door. You say yes, when you would rather say no; you find that every decision you make involves the other person.

What happened to the good old days of "Who Cares? Whatever happens, happens."

Those days are long gone.

Boo. ;-)

I am hanging "in there" - though we are not even at a week apart yet. We talk daily, several times a day. He - busy getting the work thing situated, checking out apartments, things like that. Me - just trying to create a routine of sorts - one that exists without him. I suppose I became accustomed to being "needed" to drive him places, do things with him, and just deal with the daily stuff with the man I married. Now -we are both having to go it alone.

Well.. sort of.

I mean, he did call me when he stopped at a drugstore to ask the name of the throat lozenges I always bought him. He did ask if I checked the mail, or when did I plan to leave work. You would never know we were a plane ride away from each other. The only difference now - he is not here when I come home from work. Also - I am able to sleep completely stretched out across the bed.

I did have a moment of weakness and asked him to come home today. He said no, and told me to hurry up and come up there.

Oh how I wish it were that easy.

We both agree this time apart gives him an opportunity to "get himself" together. He loves the freedom to go and come as he please. Taking the subway is like owning a new car to him. He doesn't have to beg me to drive him somewhere. I can only imagine how good that feels.

This time also allows me the opportunity to just concentrate on me. Going to the gym, trying to get the weight off, spending more quality time with friends, concentrating on doing a bang up job at work.. all of this is the gift I receive from this brief time apart.

The good I see in all of this: BIG changes will happen for me soon enough. Maybe not tomorrow, a month from now or even 6 months from now. But I will, eventually, be with him in NYC. I really don't have a plan, nor have I even tried to figure it out. I am still waiting to see what happens with him there..

I told him I talked to my friend in Connecticut about staying up there the second week in March. He actually told me to wait - not make any plans to visit yet, he's not sure if he will be there in a month.

Hmmmm...

For now, I need to embrace the transitional time. This is officially the last time I will get to be really "alone" for.. well.. God willing.. forever. I need to just enjoy this quasi-single time (w/o all of the relationship BS) and just enjoy being me. Sharing my thoughts here, enjoying my friendships, and just embracing my non-typical life.

5 comments:

Christy said...

Change can be good...as we've already talked about. :-) And you know that anytime you get too lonely, you can just call and we'll plan a dinner/movie night! Here's to hoping you both come out of this stronger and more in love than ever!

The Phoenix Rising said...

it is said that seperation makes the heart grow fonder but it is "said" not known. =)

Robin said...

I can imagine that he is enjoying the independence that the city gives him. Not having to depend on someone else to drive him places must be wonderful. Being able to hop on the subway to go where he needs to be heaven is its own kind of heaven. Freedom. Yay. Hopefully, he will enjoy that so much that the job thing will work out and he will be happy. No one is happy living an unproductive life. He needs this. I hope he gives it to himself. Hang in there.

Mrs. Indecisive said...

I always gain weight when David is home haha sometimes, it's cool to have the security without the BS. Enjoy the time!

Cassandra said...

I do love the subway too. I'm glad he appreciates it.

Hang in there! You're so strong.

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