Friday, February 25, 2011

In case you were wondering...

"Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. If you twist it into something it was never meant to be, it can make you a doormat or an insufferable manipulator. Forgiving seems almost unnatural. Our sense of fairness tells us people should pay for the wrong they do. But forgiving is love's power to break nature's rule." ~Lewis B. Smedes

I don't know if it is the right thing to do. I don't know if it is the wrong thing to do. I just know, I have a little bit of peace about it.

The train was a little late. Amtrak in Birmingham should get a D- for the crappy conditions and smelly terminal.

I saw him. He smiled and lifted his shoulders as if to say - "Here I am. Let's face the music."

We did not say much in the car. Finally he said, "I'm hungry." I agreed, and we stopped at Taj India for the buffet.

We chatted just a little. Fairly uncomfortable small talk. He asked how everyone was.. I answered. Not giving much.

We got home and I went straight to my room. Opened my computer and began to answer emails. He came in there, and lay on the bed next to me.

I just looked at him, and he shrugged his shoulders, with this.. "I feel really bad" look on his face. A look I had never seen before. I got a glimpse of the guy I once knew.

He asked me to lay next to him, he wanted to hold me. I just stared at him and asked him if he forgot all of the things he had said.

He admitted he was completely crazed and disappointed and confused and felt all of his dreams had just drifted away. He said he was reacting. He said he reacted poorly.

I told him I was not sure if I could trust him. That decisions had to be made together.
I told him how I felt when he said those things. How I, at this point, was already making plans to purchase a cat and was ready to be single, if need be. I was fine.

He looked at me, defeated - a look I have never seen before. He is such a prideful man. But there it was.

He knew.

I asked, "Why are you here?"

He replied, "I choose you."

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. ~Mahatma Gandhi

10 comments:

Yenta Mary said...

:)

Cassandra said...

I can't help it - this made me smile a bit.

Despite what I've said, I have always hoped that you guys could work it out. I just didn't think he would let it happen.
But maybe he will...

Just remember not to settle for less than you're worth. He needs to accept you as you've accepted him.

Robin said...

I posted your Thursday, which turned into Friday vid, based on your old posts. However, I think it speaks to your strength and your spirit. So, there is still something in there that you can appreciate. You do fight for the things you believe in. That is always admirable. Fight for your happiness!

Mrs. Indecisive said...

awww this brought tears to my eyes. I do hope you get your happy ending Nicole.

becca said...

hugs hun

Leslie Limon said...

Awww! I'm so glad that things are working out. Best wishes!

Erin said...

Yesssss!!!!

Peggy K said...

And you are strong...there's no doubt about that!!
Give it all ya got, sweetie. Just make sure you don't get lost in the process!! Big Hugs!!!

Dafeenah said...

Thanks for stopping by. If you think that is weird you should read about my cat LOL

Leanne said...

This morning, when I first read this post, I wanted to find a quote on love and forgiveness to leave in a comment here. I searched and searched, and found through my search - a really silly Emo Phillips quote came up. It had nothing to do with love & forgiveness, but it made me laugh (I'll have to share it with you another time). I never did find a quote that encompassed all of my thoughts and wishes for you, so I didn't leave a comment at all.

Now, my friend, after reading this again, I think I second Yenta Mary's comment ... and leave you with just a simple :)

As always, I'm thinking of you.

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