Thursday, April 14, 2011

Time and No are not the problem

Last night at the WW meeting, the subject was Making Time For Yourself. The leader of the group asked questions like, "Who had to make breakfast for someone else?" or "Who had to get their kids dressed?" Or "Who walked their dog, fed their cat.. etc." Just on and on with a series of questions. She concluded her little introduction with - "A show of hands for those of you who said yes to at least one of those."

I was the only one who did not raise her hand.

I almost felt guilty. But instead, I realized something. I am that rare bird that, as she gets older, will HAVE to seek out external groups and become a joiner if I plan on having a social life.

I am already feeling the pangs of it now. Most people I know are happily married with kids and pets and church and.. I could go on and on.

Then there is me. Take for instance, right this very second - it is 8:38pm. I am sitting alone in my living room, on the couch, in my pjs, lights are down.. a few candles lit, I have an ice cold diet pepsi to my left, feet propped up - with only the sound of the a/c.  The egyptian is not here (as usual).. and I am just here. Alone. The phone has not rang..

It's me. Little old me.

I have to literally plan things with others in order to do something socially. But it is Thursday night, and most people are with their kids, or their loved ones.. doing whatever normal American couples do. ;-)

So - making time for myself is never the problem. I think having too much time on my hands in the evening is the problem. It  gets sort of lonely up here. Then all I really have to look forward to is heading back into work and dealing with all types of items.. chatting it up with people, etc. Sure - my job can be fun. Like today - I had a coffee meeting in the am with one of the local meteorologists and two of my closest friends at work at Starbucks. Then, I headed back to the office, did a little writing, then took off to another meeting at a really nice restaurant, where the sales person at another TV station bought me an excellent lunch and we discussed a news item my company will be doing soon. Then off to write some more, and I set up some radio interviews for an upcoming event.. you know, basic stuff like that.

Then I came home to an empty house. I made low fat blue berry muffins, and watched American Idol.

Now.. I sit here.. just chilling out. There are tons of movies I could be watching, not to mention, I am in the middle of a good book. But the silence, can sometimes be deafening.

I remember when I could not get the egyptian to get up and leave the house. Now that he has made some friends, he is never home. Heck, I have no idea what he is eating for dinner these days. He might stay home once or twice a week. But for the most part, I don't see him until 11 - 12ish.

I discussed this with him this morning. Not that it helped.

Oh.. I guess I am just bored. And unfortunately, the leader at the meeting had no idea that she just reminded me how empty my life can be sometimes.

Geez.. wish I had some cool neighbors or something. ;-)

6 comments:

Leanne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Leanne said...

Reading your words, I can almost imagine what you are feeling. Sometimes the grass is always greener on the other side. Tonight, in the middle of an overwhelmed melt-down (oh, yeah, it was bad), I longed for the time that you have. But after reading your post, I count my blessings (melt-down and all).

My friend, I wish so much for you. My heart is heavy for what you are feeling, and I wish I could do something for you.

I guess I can tell you I am there - in spirit. So please know that you are not alone.

Peggy K said...

Soooo...I'm guessing one of our e-parties just don't cut it for you, huh??? ;)
Leanne is right...one can always wish for something more/different, but it doesn't mean it will be better!
So along with Leanne, I'm there in spirit, too.

Nicole said...

Oh ladies.. thanks, I think I was just emotional and whiney last night. I will survive. ;-)

TV's Take said...

You are creating new things in your life and they are good. Diving into them may be what you need right now either that or sweeping changes.

Cassandra said...

I feel your pain :-/

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