Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Oh No You DIDN"T!

Rejection - The word "rejection" was first used in 1415. The original meaning was "to throw" or "to throw back".

Rejection may mean:

Social rejection, in psychology, an interpersonal situation that occurs when a person or group of people exclude an individual from a social relationship.

Transplant rejection, in medicine, the immune reaction of a host organism to a foreign biological tissue, such as in a transplantation.

Electronic selectivity, in telecommunications, rejection is the receiving of the desired signal without interference from another undesired one.

In basketball, rejection is a slang term for a block.

Rejection sampling, in mathematics, a technique used to generate observations from a distribution.

In zoology, the shunning of one or more animals in a litter.

In Nicole speech - It is NOT okay.

Don't you just love when you realize one of the many things that can set you off. For me - Rejection. If I don't get a job, or if I don't get approved for a credit card, or I don't get invited (or worse - dis-invited) to a party (actually, that has never happened.. but if it DID..) all of the above just sets me off.

What about rejecting an idea? Ouch. The worst one of all, and it happens to be the #1 instigator for most of my arguments. Of course, it is not realistic that you should agree with everything I say. But let me tell you - go head to head with me and blood might be drawn.

What chemical response is happening during rejection? Are sparks firing off our nerve endings in our brains? Why do some of us fight and other turn to flight?

How do you COPE with rejection?

I found a resource, it comes from the Handbook of Social Psychology, and it went on to talk about serotonin levels. Clearly above my paygrade of understanding.. but there is a chemical answer to this. Those little neurotransmitters react differently with each person.

Either way, I did find some excellent tips on the Huffington Post to help those of us with rejection issues. It is titled - 7 WAYS TO HANDLE REJECTION.  Okay, I can handle 7 tips. Let's just hope I don't reject any of them. ;-)

1. Don't take it personally. There are times in our lives when we are rejected simply because of timing. If you ask someone out to lunch but they have already eaten lunch, well they are going to turn you down! If you apply for a part-time job at a department store during the Christmas holidays the week of Christmas, they are going to turn you down because they have enough staff. Some rejections have nothing to do with us. So if you got turned down, do not second guess that you are no good or that no one likes you. It may just be a question of timing!

2. Think positively. It can be hard to think positively when you have been rejected, but try to turn the tables on this. If someone declines your offer for a social event, think about all the times when you have said no to others as well. Also, sometimes, getting rejected is a blessing in disguise. It may provide you with the space for something bigger that is about to happen!

3. Listen to the rejection carefully. It is important to pay attention to the reason for the rejection. This will tell you if you have a second chance or not. If you apply for a job and the Human Resources Director says “Not now, but call me in three months,” you can choose to focus on the part about timing. Try asking a follow up question to understand why you are being rejected now and get creative in coming up with an alternative solution.

4. Be kind to yourself. Being rejected is a disappointment to say the least. It can be very frustrating to put yourself out there for either personal or professional reasons and then, be told “no.” So, be kind to yourself after getting rejected in some way. Engage in positive self talk and encourage yourself for the future. Do not be silly by drowning your sorrows in food, alcohol, cigarettes or overspending.

5. Have confidence in who you are. Learn to have confidence that people will like you just as you are and to make yourself the best “you” that you can be. Engage in hobbies and activities that you. Laugh and sparkle! People will respond in amazing ways and you will get to experience less rejection!

6. Know that everyone gets rejected. There are six billion people on this earth. We are all beautiful, unique and different. There are times we are in demand and times we may get rejected. Knowing that rejection is an emotion that many people go through is a reality check! So get over your victim mentality and move on!

7. Try and try again. A popular sales motto is that it takes twenty “nos” to get to one “yes.” Many successful authors like Robert Kiyosaki and Mark Victor Hansen got their manuscripts rejected several times by publishing houses before they hit big time! Learn from these authors. Do not therefore take rejection as a sign of failure. Instead, press on in your dreams!

There we have it. Positive self-talk by way of the Huffington Post. ;-)

What about you - how do you handle rejection? What sets you off more? Do you fight it out or flee the scene?


Miel Abeille said...

Sadly, I eat my way through rejection. NOT PRODUCTIVE!

Dafeenah said...

I bottle up rejection and after I have collected enough. I mix in some explosive materials. Sometimes it explodes and sometimes implodes. I am always surprised as to which it is. Then afterwards, I have chocolate.

Classic NYer said...

One word: denial. That can't be a healthy response though... sometimes "no" means "no." (Boy do I sound like a rapist right now...)

SharleneT said...

I have lived with rejection from the age of three -- anyone in the arts knows what I'm talking about, everyone can't win every time -- but, our schools don't teach children that, they teach them they just have to believe in themselves and doors will open. A nice philosophy but it destroys a lot of dreams.

I keep myself busy doing what I love best (at the moment, because all of life interests me) until I feel the need to put myself out there, again. Comes fairly often but I approach it refreshed. Great article, though. Thanks for the Huffington heads-up.

Come visit when you can and give me some comment love! Please don't reject me!

Anonymous said...

I also take rejection pretty badly. I need to live by your tips.


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