Tuesday, April 23, 2013

And then he was gone...

By the time I wake up tomorrow, the absolute love of my life will have left the house. I sat on the couch this evening, watching him walk back and forth, packing his suitcase and taking random things that belong to him from the walls. He still won't talk to me.

He will leave tomorrow.

He won't tell me where he is going to be living.

And that's that.

Who does that?

I sit and watch my life just unravel.. right before me. There is nothing I can do about it. Sure, I've accepted it... but now that it is here, it is so scary. I want to walk up to him and shake him and ask, "Why???"

Part of me hopes he has found someone else, because who wants to think that people just walk away willingly.. with nothing tempting them, or pulling them.

The truth is... I will probably never know the real reason. Does it really matter?

I think the best thing I can do is just remain as calm as possible. But this is a very helpless feeling.
I am a fixer... and there is no fixing this.

He threatened this 500 times. He is finally following through on one of his threats.

I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm hopeful. I'm sick of talking about it... but can't seem to talk about anything else.

I just want to HEAL. I want to not miss him. I want to be able to let him go peacefully. I wish him happiness and love....

I'm just going through the natural state of loss. I'm grieving.

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