Since I have been especially moody lately (thanks to personal life upheaval...
Okay.. here it goes.. (also... imagine me saying all of this in a fake-whiney tone.. that way, you won't get offended and will see the dry humor in it all. PS - If you have a bottle of liquer next to you, take a shot every time you agree. ;-)
1. Do not take my tone the wrong way. Then again.... Maybe it IS my tone,however, I just see myself as being matter of fact. For instance, I respond, and the person I am responding to will either roll their eyes, or suddenly snap at me as if I was on the attack.. and all I was doing was making a statement (not even trying to be combative.) Therefore, do not assume I am being contradictory with you just because my tone is not oozing with southern sweetness. I'm just too tired to coat everything with sugar these days.
2. Do not insinuate I need to lose weight. Whenever I mention I hope to get back in the gym, do not respond with, "Oh.. you really should try. It's such a shame, you have such a pretty face.
Seriously????!!! Classic back-handed compliment.
3. If I whip out my camera to take photos, do not immediately squeal that you hate having your photo taken. I assure you, it is not your image that I, nor anyone else, cares about. I just want to capture a moment to help tell a story. It drives me insane when people make a really big deal about me taking photos. I LOVE to snap pictures. Just chill.
4. Do NOT (let me repeat this.....) Do NOT even for one minute assume you know what is going on here at home. I only share tiny tidbits, and from my perspective. I'm not completely innocent in this fight. I have tons of faults, and trust me... they don't help help the situation. I am more of a tornado. He is more of a volcano. Get it?
5. Do not invite me to a lunch meeting, provide sandwiches for everyone, and have the condiments already on the sandwich. I might literally lose my mind. I. Hate. Mayo.
6. Please wash your clothes. I guess because I am no longer in college, the smell of dirty clothes is seriously disgusting to me. I've had one too many college students come into my office and clearly they are not saving their quarters for the laundry mat. One of the single grossest things to me is the smell of unclean clothes. GROSS.
7. Men. This is for you. PLEASE cut your toenails if you plan to wear flip flops or sandals and for God's sake, please cut your fingernails.
8. This is for the young men: PLEASE oh please, quit wearing your hair in that Justin Beiber "do." It's gone. Looong gone. You guys have all acquired some weird little tick now where you whip your head to the side to get your bangs out of your face. You look ridiculous. Trust me, when you are my age, you'll look back and ask yourself, "What was I thinking?" I know.. I did the big hair thing.
9. I don't get the mustache kick. The mustaches on men freak me out.
10. The really burly beards freak me out even more. I can't stand eating across from someone with a ton of facial hair. Oh... it's everything I can do not to gag.
11. I think tanning beds should be outlawed. Every time someone tells me they are going to the tanning bed... I get really grossed out. They are bad for you, and make you look crusty or leathery and like an orange.
12. Stop trying to make me like action movies. No amount of arguing is going to help.
13. When you talk to me in person, do NOT come any closer than arms distance. I think it's creepy when people get too close.
14. Also - don't put me on speaker phone, if you can help it. Especially if there are people in the room. Nor do I want to be in the room when you are on a speaker phone. I don't want to hear your conversation.
15. I really cringe when people call each other pet names in public, like : baby, honey, sweetie.. etc. Don't refer to your significant other as, "My Baby." That's so 7th grade. It's heading right up there with my distaste for mayo. It's that bad. (I think the invention of Social Media has opened us all up to every one's little quirky ways.. and sooo many people do this.)
16. I don't want any advice these days. If I tell you I don't know what to do, just know that's all I am saying - I haven't decided what I am going to do. If I ask you a direct question, which may open up an opportunity for advice, it means I genuinely want your opinion.
17. If you are a fair weather friend, just keep your distance for now. I know who you are, and no.. I'm not in the mood to do you any favors.
18. I get super annoyed by the anti-Obama folks constantly siting FOX News as their source for facts. Look.. show me another source, and I might consider what you are trying to sell.
19. I HATE when people do not respond to a direct text message, voice message, or email. If I ask you something, which honestly will be so rare, have the common courtesy to respond.
20. Finally... I needed to purge the annoyances. These things are the stuff that is driving me kooky these days. Silly.. little vent post.
What is driving you bonkers this week? Please share in the comment section.