The sun is trying so desperately to peek through the clouds this morning. It reminds me of how I am trying so hard to be happy and hopeful.
Tonight is the night, the one I can officially claim to be separated. If he has his wish, by the end of the week or the beginning of the next, we will have our papers submitted, filed and in 30/45 days I will legally become Nicole Thurston, once again.
Weird in the sense, this was never my choice and for once in my life, I could not fix something. Weird because this man was the most loving person I had ever met. Weird because I never thought it would end.
It was a brilliant love story. Truly it was. We met in Egypt. We fell in love. We got married. We had a blissful few years. Then one day, he simply checked out. Completely checked out. Now he is so far gone, I never expect him to return. I think America ended up bringing out the worst in him.
So I turn a corner. Okay. I'm ready. Last night it hit me, and I got sad again, but I would not be human if I did not.
I tried to control the few things I could last night. I selected some of the items from the living room I thought he should have, like the plate I bought him with the 99 names of Allah on it.... or the Obama calendar he put on the frig... or the quran framed piece in the living room, and few other odds and ends.
I changed my handle on Twitter to @snicolethurston and not @nicoleabdou. (Apparently nicolethurston was taken - boo.) I even changed my name on my facebook page. I made all of the albums about our wedding or the one titled "my heart" where only I could see them. I'm not deleting them, because most of the pics were taken in Egypt, and basically they were my travel pictures.
Tonight, once I know all of his stuff is gone, I'm going to go in the room he had basically claimed for his own and drag my big red chair in the there, as well as my desk, and slowly turn it into my office.
Piece by piece... section by section.. I will become whole again.