Tuesday, April 30, 2013

I think I'm going to enjoy this...

"Just living is not enough... one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower."  ~Hans Christian Andersen

I'm not sure what happened, but I am pretty sure God has answered numerous prayers. Perhaps my pleas for strength and your prayers for my healing, I'm actually finding I feel lighter- Is that even possible?

It started on Sunday after the terrible text. (See the post before this one.)  I wonder if since in Islam it is the breaking of the covenant of your marriage, maybe symbolically and spiritually I've been released.  That night I thought I would feel super sad, and yeah.. it came and went, but it got easier.

Monday after lunch time I came home instead of going out to eat and discovered my ex's SUV at the leasing office. It is the end of the month, my concern is he is moving into my apartment complex. (How twisted is that?) It sort of rattled me, but not in the sad way... in the hey-this-is-my-territory sort of way. I think I needed that little bit of anger to sort of seal off some of that sadness.

Of course I've put away more photos and some of the "details" are not quite as painful as they were last week. Slowly.. but surely.

Then today... The first day that I have had ZERO contact, I feel fantastic. Is that normal? I actually walked through the house and sort of giggled at the freedom of it all. 

Perhaps I need to back up a bit.

So I was chatting with one of my closest friends, Telisa, last night and we were joking around about the fact that I need to just enjoy myself for a while. I told her the idea of dating or meeting people simply terrified me. I haven't really dated since I was 24 0r 25. Turning 40 sort of puts me in an interesting spot. Well, for fun I decided to put up one of those dating profile things on one of those spots- just to see if there was any potential for coffee dates or lunch or dinner.. you know.. just making friends. No sooner did I push "PUBLISH" I had like seven responses. Things like, "Hey blue eyes, let's chat." Or "I'm looking for my soul mate, after reading your profile, I think you are the one." And the worst one of all, "Hey .. let's hook up tonight." 

Excuse my lewdness... but are you fucking kidding me?

I literally jumped up from the couch, did some girlie squeal and started saying, "No.. No.. No.. No... " You would think a mouse had crossed my path. I immediately went up to the top of the page, found account settings and deleted my profile. I was simply curious. Now that I know... I think I am better off alone. First of all - there are some scary people out there. Secondly, WTF? Seriously?


This new chapter is actually hilarious. I think that's why I woke up and just felt free. It's all simply ridiculous. I can laugh... I can laugh.. oh how I can laugh at the whole situation.

Because at the end of the day, it's completely (again.. pardon, but it's appropriate,) are you effing kidding me?


And such begins my journey...


1 comment:

Empty Nester said...

Love your positive attitude! I'm so proud of you! And yes, what an ass. Good riddance, I say. And good things for you!


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