Thursday, April 25, 2013

A New Chapter Starts Now

I sort of slept last night. I woke up several times, jumping from sounds I heard or just random 1/2 awake/ 1/2 sleep dreams. 

You see... he left last night.

He packed his bags and he made 5 trips to the car and he left. Never said goodbye. I held it together and waited until I saw him pull off in his car... then the flood works began.

Later he sent me a text telling me an attorney would be in touch with me. He left everything (for the most part,) and said he only wants to be left alone. For me to not contact him... then perhaps... in time... he could be friends.

That's it.

THIS ENTIRE JOURNEY... and that's it.

That's how it ends.


So I woke up, and every muscle in my body is clenched and tense. I know I have to return to work today, and I know I am going to internally scream every time someone says something negative about him or the situation. What good does that do? I don't see the point in bashing someone. I don't. It only shows how poor of character you are. We all make mistakes, and some of us do some pretty bad stuff, but at the end of the day, holding onto anger does absolutely no one any good at all.

I wish his happiness and peace. I wish him the love that he so clearly did not find with me. I honestly do.

I just want to heal. I just want to be able to not HAVE to choke back tears when I see something that reminds me of us... not the recent us.. but the old us.

I'm okay. I really am. Last night was HARD. 

I rearranged my apartment like a mad women (which could explain the muscle tension, come to think of it.) It is me now. 100% me.

There are drops of his touch here and there. 

Luckily, I am not interested in meeting or talking to anyone for a very long time. I won't have to explain all of the Egyptian stuff to people. But one day, I'll have to say, "Yeah. I got that on my trip to Egypt. Yes, I fell madly in love there and married a beautiful man. No... we aren't in touch any more."

Que sera sera.


Anonymous said...

Nicole, you have amazing strength, and not to mention courage, for sharing this part of the "journey". You will heal because you're committed to healing and feeling whole...and you, again. Be blessed during this next leg.

Be Well!

Steven Rosenbaum said...

Proper breeding prevents me from speaking my mind. You deserve much, much better.

Steven Rosenbaum said...

You deserve much, much better.

Robyn Burke said...

((hugs)) Nicole.....


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