Monday, April 15, 2013

I always hate when I do that...

When I am in bad mood, or something is bothering me, I tend to write-write-write about it. I have never been one to pretend all is well (outside of the "I'm fine" to people I hardly know, because honestly.. it's none of their business.) I realize that for my closest little bloggy followers, you have seen me go up and down and all around. For my close friends, you know even more. For the random people who "know me" (as in we either have worked together, or went to school together or something,) I am sure you are drawing conclusions from everything I lay out here.

I really hate how I am an open book sometimes.

Why I can't be one of those mysterious types? You know.. the one who seems like they have it all together all the time? Yep.. that's not me. For the person reading this right now, if you and I were sitting across from one another, having a cup of coffee, chatting it up.. I would make jokes about whatever is bothering me. That's just what I do.

I think I am handling the issues with my egyptian as best as I know how. The ice is thawing here. No changes have taken place. All I can do is wait and see. Wait and see. Wait and see.

Here's the problem.

I'm in love.

Madly, deeply, crazy in love.

Think of your significant other. Think of all of the times you have argued, have fought. Now be honest with yourself and think about the times this person has really hurt you. We've all been there.
Then imagine this person lacks the coping skills to work on your relationship, and simply begins to detach. How would you react?

If you say you would up and leave and kick them to the curb, then I would have to say one of two things. Either 1. You are not as deeply and unconditionally in love as you claim to be. Or 2. You are lying to yourself.

That's thing about love - it makes absolutely no sense. None whatsoever.

If you knew me well, you would know I am quite practical in most situations. I assess what is going on and I make swift decisions accordingly. Here is one area of my life I am simply a fool. It makes no sense whatsoever.

The worst part? I've shared it all here. All of it. As Ernest Hemingway once said, "There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed."

That's what I do.

The good stuff. The bad stuff. The stuff in between. My passions. My concerns. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Oftentimes, I get embarrassed the next day. It's like I shared too much with you. Then I remember.. wait a minute... that was the point of this blog. To go on this journey. To capture it year after year (and I've been doing so since 2009,) and just go with the flow.

I have no goal. I have no idea where this story will end. When I began this back in August of 2009, I was a newly wed, with my husband only being in the country a total of 4 months. We were blissful. I was doing really well at work. I lived in a completely different state. We had tons of great friends - and the world was my oyster. Since then so much has happened, and the best part is? I captured all of it right here.

I know I hate when I share too much.. but I gotta tell you... I love that I have it all to look back on one day. It's honest. It's me.

PS - I know you guys are sick of reading about this relationship stuff. I am sure with all of my heart, it is going to work out one way or the other. Either we will celebrate the miracle of love, or we will celebrate my new chapter. Either way... it's a win - win.

Also.. SORRY I don't proof read before I hit publish. Just go with the typos.. okay?


Gena said...

OK. Who are you deeply in love with? I must say that was Fast! You recover well. But You Go Girl! Don't ever let another loser take you for granted!

Nicole said...

Gena - I'm in love with the man I am married too. LOL...


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