Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Redefining Yourself

"All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself." ~Ralph Ellison, "Battle Royal"

I know it's all I have talked about lately, but I simply cannot believe how "good" I feel ~ now that I am free to choose a new life. So much so, that I am not allowing any "crap" into my life. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I have laid it on the line with the egyptian, or been a little more careful about who's calls I return, or even who I allow into my home.

These past 2 1/2 weeks have afforded me an opportunity to just BE.

Yesterday, I treated myself to a few things. Since 1/2 of my severance came in, I went ahead and paid all of my bills. Even double paid a couple - just to allow myself some cushion.

After all of the business of "life" was done, I headed over to my favorite Chinese Holistic Medicine place and had a massage. I was complaining about the tension in my actual shoulders (joints) - and the therapist did a wonderful job loosening the tension.  They also did a lymphatic drainage, which release so many toxins. Hopefully I have done a good job flushing. Afterwards, I finally went for a hair trim, followed by color. (Iced Dark Chocolate ~ Whatever that means.)

Since I spend most of my days alone, I decided to treat myself to a coffee and book. I drove over to Barnes and Noble and got a "treat" - a White Chocolate Mocha.. sinful for sure. Then I just wandered the aisles letting books "speak to me".. when I picked two. The complete poems of Emily Dickinson and the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu. I don't think I could have picked two more perfect books to read at this point in my life. *sigh* It was nice to be able to do something for myself.

I find myself at home this morning, just sitting - watching Project Runway Style-a-thon, and just being. Being alone with my thoughts.. with me.

I'm going to be okay!

The egyptian spends most of his evening with his friends (Ramadan - breaking the fast with them.) For the most part, that means less arguments. But recently, he has been wired so tightly.. maybe it's best.

I am trying to decide how to schedule my days, I still find myself a little willy-nilly - floating about. Here are a few items I need to schedule:

1. Learning arabic (30 minutes a day)
2. Exercise (1 hr a day)
3. Cleaning (30 minutes a day)
4. Reading for pleasure
5. Blogging (1 hr a day)

Not sure when and how to do these items. Maybe knock them out in the morning? Or scatter throughout the day?

I am simply not sure. The point is - I am trying to redefine how I tackle life. I want to be more organized. I want to be more focused. I want to be useful and full (spiritually.)

I found a great article on Selfgrowth.com  Some of the pointers they give in organizing your life and "redefining" who you are:

- Be aware of what you eat, and what you use - both on yourself, and in your environment. Choose natural, organic products.

- Live a life of kindness, compassion, and charity - it keeps you connected to your center, your source, that infinite reservoir within you that is your powerhouse.

- Don't judge people, or situations - approach each moment with the knowledge that it contains within it the potential of any number of possibilities.

- To connect with your real nature that is unbounded and invincible, practise yoga and meditation.

How do you redefine yourself? How do you schedule your activities?


TV's Take said...

It must feel good to just be. Sure there are things like tragedy or illness that can define you but I also take an opportunity and run with it; whether handed to me or self created. In my latest chapter (last 2 years) I'm creating my own definition of who I am. More importantly I'm finding that definition will continually evolve and that's a good thing.

Leanne said...

1 hour for blogging? Clearly, not enough. ;)

All kidding aside, your post has me wishing for a little more structure in my life. I love how you are choosing to approach life right now. You are inspiring, my friend. I am returning from my trip feeling very run down and not at all motivated right now, and I think this post was what I needed to read.

Plus, the whole lymphatic massage thing has me very intrigued. I think I need one. Because I feel FULL of toxins right now. Hmmmm . . . How do I go about finding a place to do this???? Hmmm mm. . . .


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