Thursday, December 9, 2010

Perseverance and Obstinacy

The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't. ~Henry Ward Beecher

I am going to live by Scarlet O'Hara's philosophy - "Tomorrow is another day." It seems to work for me.

What we have going on here is someone wants perfection, and the other is far from perfect. No mistakes are allowed. No stumbles, no slip of the tongue, and definitely no challenging of the other person.

Guess what? I challenge. (Bet you never saw that one coming... right? *wink*)

My previous post was my reaction to an argument. Good old fashioned argument. He was teasing... playful. I teased back. An ego was bruised, and in cruel style - threatening of no more tomorrows from him. ?????????

Hard core punishment and definitely not acceptable.

Which got me to thinking, there are two types of people in a relationship - the one who tries (and it is sometimes messy, etc) and the one that quits (without even trying.)

So far, in the fresh light of day - all is well. Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows. But it happens too easily. No one should react so strongly with words, even after apologies have flown throughout the home.

Apparently to maintain the level of peace, love and bliss - I must be perfect. I must keep my mouth shut. I must not challenge. I must remain tidy. No mistakes.

That's a lot.

Love is there... just not unconditional love.

Not sure how that works. Not sure what to do. Not sure why it happens so often and why it happens so dramatically and so hard.

Good, honest conversations about anger took place. That was good. Progress was made. Having someone professionally walk us through the process is out of the question for the other person.

I will have to pull all of my tricks out of my bag to patch this little misunderstanding up. But (as of last night) apparently I have lost all my chances. What does that mean? Can a person live with the idea of a future not available to her? Why such strong threats? Why use it as a method to change me?

Just working through the details. Relationships are for the birds, I tell you.

I will bring the peace back. Just need to calm the dragon. ;-)


TV's Take said...

Hmm, sounds complicated. Hope you both find your way.

Bossy Betty said...

Relationships are always full of surprises and complications. I guess that's what makes them so interesting!

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry that this has happened. While I agree with Betty above that relationships are always full of surprises, I don't agree that they are always full of complications. I can attest to the fact that they aren't always full of complications, although when they are, those who are in those complicated relationships must work hard so that the complications do not over rule the love. Of course, I also believe that you should not have to "work at" a relationship in order to have one. You may have to work through issues that life throws your way due to differences of opinions or beliefs, but you should never have to work at the relationship itself.

Leanne said...

Hey lady ... thought of you all morning wondering what was happening. I'm there with Mitzi above. While reading your post, one sentence kept playing in my head, "It just shouldn't be this hard." You should not have to become someone you are not simply for the sake of someone else. And you hit the nail right on the nose about the "unconditional love" thing. N - I'm thinking of you and sending you energy. But I also hope that you don't sacrifice the person you are ... the person you really are ... all for someone else. You are too good for that.

I've said too much.

Love you.

Nicole said...

Bless you all. I agree, I really do. I am just so disappointed.

Nicole said...

Also - I know it is a bit "too revealing" - but I like to work things out with writing.. and know that the whole incident only last 15 minutes - but affected me for hours. Words are powerful my friends. I am sure there is light at the end of the tunnel - I am already seeing the ice thaw. Perhaps my words can help someone else relate, and later, I can look back on my journey. Thank you for all of the advice. I live with a very complicated person. (whom I happen to be in love with) That's all.

Leanne said...

I totally get the journey through writing ... I do the same. So, you keep working it out (as I know you will.) And know that we'll be here to listen, support, (sometimes worry) and to hopefully offer advice to keep YOU focused. I'm glad the ice is thawing.


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