Tuesday, September 8, 2009

am blog postings can only mean one thing...

It is 1:48am. I am sitting on my couch, wrapped in a super soft blanket, leaning against my two favorite pillows and trying not to blow away from my fan set on cycle 3.

Nothing good could come out of this blog post.

I am feeling needy. I am feeling emotional. I am feeling lost.

I hate when I feel that way. So instead of tossing and turning and making the sleeping dragon (aka the egyptian) irritated, I decided to move to the couch tonight. I can toss and turn, and sigh and moan as much as I want.

I don't know how much I will share - but there is just so much going on these days that I cannot keep my mind calm. Not just with me, but everyone around me. I am sooo very tired. I just need a little mini-break. My dear english friend, Julie is a therapist and as we were splashing around in the pool today she told me - "Nicole, you just need a proper holiday."

She is so right on.

I need a proper holiday. Vacation for my more ameri-centric friends. I need to get the h-e-l-l out of here. I want to hear the ocean waves. I want to put my feet in sand. I want one really awesome book. I want a cool breeze.

Not only do I need this scenario - I need to turn my mind off also. That's the problem - it won't turn off.

I had the most horrific dream last night. YUCK. I can't seem to shake it off. I dreamed Yass and I were in Egypt. He was taking me around to a side of town (in Alexandria) that I never saw. He were in some random building, and apparently there was construction work going on - but it looked like the laborers were being used as slaves. Yass tells me to duck down, I do, then we try to sneak by the "warden" type worker. He sees us, and says "Come back here" = apparently in arabic - but somehow I understood.

We make it to another room - and I noticed we are at the top of the entire super-tall building. There is a narrow corridor with a spiraling staircase. The stairs are very short stairs and their material seemed to be made of what a lot of the walls were made of in Egypt. (Not sure what it was - but thick and had a slick paint.) He then proceeds to tell met to go down the stairs as fast as I can - and he will meet me at the bottom. Of course, I trust him..and I sit on my bottom and slide down these stairs. It turns into a slide of sorts - going around and around in a circle. I pass a few windows as I whisk downward - but I am going so fast and spiraling on. I keep looking back, wondering where he is. Then I finally hit the bottom. It reminds me of a spiral water slide. I look up - waaaay up and there is a "vent" type shaft - he opens it and says - "Good. You can stay there." Laughs - and leaves. There are no doors. Just a tiny room. The stairs are thousands at least - with no where to rest and narrow. I have only one choice to sit, alone, and well - in my mind - die.

I wake up after that. Disturbed. WHAT IN THE WORLD DOES THAT DREAM REPRESENT???

I guess I should attempt some form of sleep now. It is 2:03.. and I might be able to get at least a good 4.5 hours sleep. Maybe.. if I am lucky.

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