I have tried.
Sincerely, I have.
I have tried very hard to quit being so damned snarky.
It's honestly like breathing to me.
In with the, "Did you seriously just say that out loud to me?"
Out with the, "Here comes the word vomit comment du jour."
I went so far as to close my door at work today.
The girl who is trying so hard to be open, positive, and happy, just basically said, "That's all I've got folks."
My boss came in and asked, "Everything okay in there?"
I replied, "Yep. Just feeling grumpy. No particular reason."
It's true. I don't really have a reason to be grumpy.
It's not even so much in my attitude toward others outwardly, but more so in the sarcastic comments I keep to myself. I actually came home, took a long hot bath, and prayed to God asking Him to, "Let me do good."
Who does that? Who comes home and actually admits to God, "Hey God.. I know I have been an absolute brat the past week. I hate that I behave this way sometimes. Could you make me nice?"
That's the problem folks.
Sometimes, I am simply not very nice.
I lack patience. I can be judgemental (without even realizing it AND over the most random things.) Not the big things, mind you. No - things that are not typically offensive, but very odd. (Ask me about open toed shoes and people who wear flip flops. I am fairly certain you will raise an eyebrow.)
The worst part of all of this? I lack patience and I judge MYSELF, more than anyone else. It's true.
If I screw up, even if I make the tiniest mistake, I will just go on and on about what an idiot I am. You will think I am joking or fishing for a compliment. No, I actually mean it.
I think it's called being a wee bit of a perfectionist. I am my worst critic.
How do you deal with making mistakes? Losing motivation? How do you deal with knowing you said or did something that you want to believe is out of character, and you know to be a "not so nice thing to do?"
These are questions I ponder in this snarky mood.