Thursday, January 17, 2013

Why I Could Never Be On A Reality TV Show

I will admit it- I love reality television.

I used to proclaim it was just a guilty pleasure, but I know it is more than that. It's my bittersweet addiction to observing human behavior. It's true. I am a classic people watcher.

Heck, I subscribe to Psychology Today and I never once took a psych class.

With this crazy addiction to reality television, comes the realization I would never be on a reality show. I have tried to imagine myself on everything from Survivor to The Amazing Race to Rock of Love.. so on and so forth. When I was in college, I was a huge fan of The Real World, the original reality show about seven strangers living together in this fantastic house in some incredible city. It used to have a little substance, but the latter seasons ended up with lots of hot tub scenes and massive partying.

In true Nicole fashion, I have decided to make a list of the Top Ten Reasons I would be terrible on a reality show.

Here it goes:

1. I suffer from word vomit. Sure, it would be great for the ratings and be extra helpful to the producers if I contributed to conflict, however, it can sometimes be hurtful and hateful. After seeing how.. well.. (for lack of a better word,) DUMB a lot of the reality stars seem to be, it just wouldn't be a fair fight.

2. I would not engage in sexual activity on camera. Or off camera for that matter. It seems the whole three-way kiss and insane make out sessions with girl on girl and groups in a hot tub is a bit much for me. Too much. Would. Not. Participate.

3. The confessionals. Oh my goodness. I would probably sit down on the stool in front of the camera, look dead into it, raise an eyebrow and ask the viewers, "Seriously?"

4. Eating insects, animals guts, and bull testicles is NOT even possible for me. Actually, I gagged twice while typing the sentence. Blech. There goes my million dollars right there.

5. Not enough crying. I seriously do not believe I would tear up and cry over anything that happens. Not good for ratings.

6. Scared of Heights. I have MASSIVE vertigo. If I had to walk across a tight rope between two high rise buildings, I'm fairly certain I would have a massive cardiac arrest. Maybe good for ratings, bad for me.

7. The giggles. Though I took tons of acting classes, I think I have gotten waaaay sillier in my old age, and unfortunately, if people were arguing or trying to be serious, I would completely burst out in a giggle fit.

8. Panic Attacks on Jeopardy. I consider game shows to be a form of reality tv, and I am fairly certain between the audience, the super nerds on either side of me, and Alex's condescending tsk tsk.. I would totally have a massive panic attack on set of Jeopardy.

9. Smelly people. Survivor would be sooo much fun, but there is one thing I simply could not handle - THE SMELLY PEOPLE. I need to bathe. I need perform. B.O. is not good.

10. Finally... I am not willing to make a fool of myself for a million dollars. I would probably be the most hated "character" due to my snarky comments, and let's face it, I look terrible in a bathing suit.

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