Guest Blogger: Telisa Cunningham
*So this happens to be a person I would consider my best friend. I have known Telisa since I was 12 (over 25 years) but we really became close friends when we were 18. Our love of travel and culture created a fascinating friendship. Through marriages, divorces, children, jobs lost, jobs gained, death - you name it - We still remain close friends to this day. This post is very much a "Telisa" thought process. I know your feedback will be appreciated! Enjoy!
What is love and when do you know you’re in it? Why do people fall out of love? Is love necessary for a marriage to work? What about passion? These are all questions that I ask myself.
I knew what love meant when my daughter was born. I thought I knew what it was before, but as any mother can tell you, there is nothing like the love a mother feels for her child. Nothing.
But that’s not the kind of love I’m writing about now. I’m talking men and women, Venus and Mars kind of love. Where do we learn our concepts of love from? Is it television? Is it our parents or other adults we observe? Are our twenty-first century ideas of love realistic??
My boyfriend always cringes when I tell him that I do not think ANYONE is capable of being a faithful spouse/companion for an entire adulthood. He takes this as a sign that I am thinking about my options, but I really don’t mean it that way. I am just being honest. The person you fall in love with is NOT the same person in five, ten, or twenty years. If he/she IS the same person, then WOW, you really need to move on! Under the best of circumstances, you grow together as a couple. Under the worst, you grow in opposite directions. Is it possible to be completely faithful to your partner forever? Should we, as people in committed relationships, just accept that it’s not possible and turn our heads at the minor infractions? All the clichés about married couples are true. FOR A REASON.
I often wish that I was a stupid teenager again. At least then I wasn’t afraid to be an idiot for love. I got butterflies and did REALLY dumb things like drive for hours on Saturday night to see “him”, knowing I would have to drive right back the next morning. I wrote his name a thousand times with squigglies and hearts. We’ve all been there… talking on the phone for hours, LONGING to be together. Don’t you remember those moments? Would any of us adults do that for the ones we love today? What happens when the “new” wears off? When the romance has passed? The typical romantic/comedy movie only lasts two hours and we don’t see what happens after that. Or -God forbid- we watch The Notebook (one of the greatest love stories EVER) and create TRULY unrealistic ideals of love and passion. What we expect in our relationships is so out of reach, so unattainable, how can we ever expect a real person to ever live up to it? What would we give to have that back, even for a day or even an hour?
Is love without passion enough to make a marriage work? I think it can. Can we live without the passion that made us crazy in love to begin with? You tell me.