To Cross a Foreign Bridge

I think I have crossed a line, one that never seemed possible for someone as selfish as me.

I am choosing to make the right decision. Well, let me rephrase that, I am choosing to do good.

Let's be honest, I never was a trouble maker, in the literal sense of the word, but I am not sure I was so much a do-gooder, either.

For instance, I am a little stingy when it comes to money. I WANT to give, and I've been told you have to give to receive, but I find that I prefer to hold on to the green stuff- all the while, thinking and hoping someone else, with way more means, will pull off what is needed.

When it comes to donating items to charity, I have a hard time letting go. I have this desire to take old suits to a women's shelter, knowing there is a need for items like that, but I find myself holding onto my suits, thinking to myself, "But I might need this later.."

Yesterday it happened. I did good. I did not react. I did not let the all consuming fire of anger penetrate my mind and cause me to experience a bad case of word vomit. I listened. I let it pass. I responded with compassion.

WTH?

The cynical, sarcastic, hot-tempered Nicole just evaporated.

Do you know why?

It's a book I have been reading. It doesn't matter who wrote it, or what it is about, but there was a key point I gleaned...

"Most people have inner wars. It causes them to spill over - releasing toxic/negative energy."

So now, when people over react, or lose their cool, or even worse- lose their cool with me - I am recognizing the inner war - WITHIN them - and I let it go... I let it all go.

I am not so much a reactor anymore. Instead I want to radiate light.

Instead, I will do good.