I am a bit of a romantic. I love lace and pearls. My heart flutters just a little bit during super sappy movies. I crave holidays, just so I can shower the one I love with gifts and affection. But in true Aquarius fashion, outside of writing about it and actually sharing it with my significant other, I don't show a heck of a lot of emotion to anyone else. I am more "private" in person. Funny, isn't it? I share my entire life with you right here - but when you meet me in person, I am walled off emotionally (for the most part.)
Thank God for writing. ;-)
Today I was scanning my FB feed (oh how it has inspired so many posts here..) I suppose it is the modern day "people watching," without actually coming into physical contact with "people."
As I was scanning, I noticed one of my former interns is getting married this weekend. I read her engagement story online, I scanned her pictures, and all I could think was, "Wow, what a beautiful love story. What a blessing!" Then I realized I felt slight pangs of envy.
Then I immediately felt guilty about it. Because, believe it or not, I once felt the same way about my situation.
I fell hard and fast for my love. Things were beyond phenomenal - I experienced true joy. Time and life has tried to chip away at what was once so sacred and the single most important aspect of my life. I think I am a little more resilient than my counter part, and I am patiently waiting for that all consuming love to sweep in and take me away, again.
When I see loving, committed couples - I stop and sort of sigh. I know what it takes to make things great, but you can't do it by yourself. I saw the quote above and it reminded me of my time in Egypt, or even those first couple of months in Birmingham. I have felt this way, and I can feel this way again. All it takes are a few simple words, or a slight brush of the hand - or anything really that shows an ounce of kindness. That's how real love works. No matter what is going on, no matter how bad things can get - you can forgive and melt with one small gesture of kindness.
Many say that I am always trying to hold onto the fairytale, the honeymoon phase. I say, "Why not?" No one said you had to grow cold, or bored, or disillusioned. I think too many people think simply being committed is good enough. Not me - I want passion, I want communication, I want adventure. Perhaps I am being silly and perhaps I am bit of a dreamer.
To be honest, I won't settle for less.
What are you not willing to compromise on?