I can be a little of a worry wart. I will fret and over think numerous little stressors daily. I always wonder, "Am I the only one?"
I am always contemplating tomorrow - Will things be okay? Will I have enough money? Will my health, and the health of those I love be okay? I could go on and on....
Some of the worries are normal and I have to say.. a little rational. I have watched friends and families over the years deal with a myriad of crisis. But at the end of the day, it's how we react to it.
Yesterday I was chatting with my father. He is typically not a "talk on the phone" type of guy. But my sister and Autumn had taken off to go to Tae Kwon Do and my Mom was at the Gallery.. and he was just relaxing on Netflix. (I gave him my password.) ;-) While conversing he told me that the day before, he had gone outside the pressure wash the side of the house. Apparently a hole in the ground full of hornets were disturbed and the whole lot of them came after him. He was stung well over 12 times. He said that the night before he had a hard time sleeping, because he was in pain.
I told him how I felt bad for him, sort of did that "I feel sorry for you chuckle" and that was that. Then I jokingly commented on his acquiring poison ivy just a few weeks before. The rash had spread in places you just don't want. He then got a little serious and explained to me that after the rash left, he was a little concerned about something else. Something the doctor is sending him to a specialist for.
He believes he might have testicular cancer.
I went straight into my "Wonder Woman" speech about, of all cancers as a man, that's the one you want. It's a snip snip and all will be well. He sort of nervously laughed. I reminded him about my surgery and how things caught early can make a big difference.
After the call, I went into the living room and interrupted my husband chatting on line, to explain what my father had revealed to me. He of course, stopped - reassured me - and said we would make a point to visit home together soon.
Then I went about my business.
Finally the egyptian went out with friends, and I had some time alone. I did what I normally do - I listened to my Ipod and danced around the house, nibbled on some cheese and olives.. then it hit me. All of the things that are bothering me.
I was alone. I was in a safe place. I began to pray to God.
I am worried about my own health. I always feel like I could do more.
I am worried about what the future holds.
I am worried about needing a more supportive circle in my life.
I am worried about aging.
I am worried about having enough to pay my bills.
I am worried about my family abroad.
I am worried about Autumn getting a proper childhood.
I am worried about never achieving my dreams.
I am worried about whether my relationship with the egyptian will ever heal.
I am worried about dying alone.
I am worried.. now.. about losing my father too soon.
Oh.. I just worry. Worry. Worry. Worry.
The good news is, I can turn it off. I can walk away from the worry. But I will be honest, when I am alone, and have time to think - the tears and worry surface.
What about you? Are you are worry wart? What type of things do you worry about?
If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today. ~E. Joseph Cossman