It slammed shut and the sound just about caused me to go deaf. That's right, the proverbial door. They say when it closes, typically you can't reopen it. Apparently, that's true. It all seems like a really weird dream, but it wasn't. It happened.
It happened to me.
If you had asked me a year ago what my worst fear was, I would have told you it was losing my job. I knew that if I lost my job, I would more than likely lose everything. You see, unlike some of my other friends, I did not have a massive savings account. I hardly had an extra cent to my name. (We can thank immigration for that one.) I did not have a ton of credit cards to live off of. I did not come from a wealthy family, so the "loans" that I have seen many of my friends who have gone through the same thing got, were not even an option for me. When it happened, I knew that God would be "lowering the boom".
The door... it slammed shut. I reached back to unlock it, to pry it open.. but it was sealed. I knew after a few months, it was over. My side trip to another state and city had come to a end, and it was time to tuck tail and return home.
This time last year I had been unemployed for almost four months. Not realizing that I had five more long months to go. I had lost my home just a month before. When Thanksgiving came around, all I wanted to do was run away. Where? I had no idea. But I wanted to go.
This year, as I sit on my new leather couch in my new home, surrounded by new things, I can't believe how far I have come - yet again. I mean, I knew I was resilient, but this is insane. Do I feel stronger? Hell yeah. Don't let my kindness be mistaken for weakness. Yes, I seem a bit softer than I used to. That's called humility. When you talk to me, I actually hear you now. That's patience. When you give me something (be it words or an actual item,) I am touched. That's appreciation.
No - things are far from perfect. I have a few more wrinkles to iron out, and as it turns out, there is a high possibility 2013 you will see me flying solo. Not something I wanted. But I feel like yet another door is slamming. I think AGB said it best in the quote above. Perhaps it's time to just move on. To dig in deep and be prepared for the next chapter.
Hell, screw the chapter.
I want to write a new book.
So when you tell me Happy Thanksgiving, I will look you dead in the eye and say, "Yes, I really do have so much to be grateful for."
I wish each of you a delightful day. Until next time..