She once said, "Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world."
My dreams have been put on hold. Or so I thought.
I have been letting my circumstances hinder my ability to fly. Here I am, with the perfect opportunity to go out on a limb and change my course, and yet all I am doing is putting myself down with negative talk. It's not the egyptian arguing with me. It's not my family telling me I can't do it. It's not my friends. No one is saying I cannot do something brilliant. Sure, the situation is less than ideal - but this time my friends, it's me.
I come here everyday to scan the blogs. Looking for personal stories mainly. (I tend to open your posts if they seem to have a good message.) Yes, unfortunately, I tend to judge a post based on it's title.
That aside, there are three people who are consistently inspiring me to go after whatever it is God intends for me to do.
For example, when I woke up, I had no idea what to write about. I am literally sitting here in my white cotton pajamas (with little hot pink snow flakes on them,) wrapped in my snuggie and drinking my Dunkin Donuts coffee with the gingerbread creamer. I scanned and found Leslie at Words of Me Project and her post hit home. She said something in her post that just resonated with me:
Of not following through with my heart made plans.
I have this whisper
then this grand idea
and do bit here and thereBut then I just stop.
I don't follow through
I understood Leslie perfectly.
Then she took the words right out of my mouth:
I compare myself to everyone.
And when they may have success at something
then I am certain that they
just took my dream away
and I get angry and sad
and I just want to say WHY can't MY dreams come true
But that's just the thing - I used to be the person that would always be soooo happy for people who were able to go on and do amazing things. It always gave me hope.
Since the episode of the Soul Snatchers (if you are new here, read past posts to understand who THEY are,) my hope supply has slowly been depleting. My passion has fizzled.
Sure, I am pumped up about the Peace Corps - but that is in the future. It takes a long time to even possibly get picked. (Long time as in 1 year to even 18 months.)
I am talking about long term happiness and purpose. Post 27 months in some random village somewhere. I am talking about the here and now.
I have a few friends that it seems things are falling into place. I say seems, because they are sharing the good stuff. I am so proud of them, and I am so jealous of their success. Not in a bad way, I would NEVER, EVER be like that. But in a "I wish I had something to offer the world" sort of way.
Then, on the flip side, I DO have something to offer the world, but I just need to narrow it down, and I don't mean I need some stupid Cosmo quiz to help me figure it out, or some "What Color is My Parachute?" book to guide me on my God-Given quest.
Last night, I opened up the book again. You remember the one? The Artist's Way. Just to tap into some creative energy. That book almost echoed Leslie's voice - it said, "Don't wait to have enough money, or enough time, or the right moments... just go for it."
Some of the suggestions they presented in the first chapter was to start with your morning pages. I think I will get a notebook and do that. I know I write here first thing in the morning, but there are things I might feel more comfortable writing in a private notebook, without getting any backlash from this middle Georgia peanut gallery. (Oh yeah.. some people have been scouring my blog looking for some little nuggets to start drama. I don't play those games.)
For whatever reason, my creative censor is pushing back on this notebook. I read, that's just my inner insecurities pushing through. So, okay - I'll do it.
Second they suggest I take an Artist's Date. Just go somewhere and be inspired. Done. Will take care of that this weekend.
Finally, for this first week, I need to create a Monster Hall of Fame - people who stifled my creativity, plus I need to create a Champions of Inspiration - people who encourage me.
My intention is to do this. Though, like Leslie said above, there is the whisper, and the urge, and I even start on a path - following through is a completely different story.
Hold me accountable? Okay?
I need to follow Thoreau's advice, " Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."
Finally - to my friends and family - here is what I need to say to you:
"I have spread my dreams beneath your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."~ W.B. Yeats
|Laura Rowe Photography|