Tuesday, December 18, 2012

The Ugly Monster

Unfortunately, it seems to have returned.

My panic attacks. Not the little annoying anxiety/nervous stuff - no, instead I have full blown panic attacks.

And it's debilitating.

My anxiety - for whatever reason - is on super overload high. EVERYTHING sets me off. I am easily annoyed and all I want to do is stay home.

But I can't.

I have to go to work, I have to project some sort of normalcy with a social life, I have to function. People like me don't have the option to stay home and just be..


a little crazy.

If you don't understand Panic Disorder, know this - it's terrible. It starts simple enough: You feel like you can't breathe. Sometimes your heart races. You feel numbness in your face. Your thoughts race. You can't be still. You just want to hide and stop doing whatever it is you are doing.

The worst part - there is absolutely NOTHING you can say or do to stop them. They just have to run their course.

Of course, the main issue with panic attacks is the fear that they will happen again. That's the biggest elephant in the room. By having the fear of the fear, you end up creating a "panic" situation. No - I don't act crazy, or cry, or scream or draw attention to myself. I simply try to take deep breaths, I try to focus, I try to remove myself from the situation.

Today was not a good day to stand in line to get my Driver's Licence, and honestly - maybe the pressure and stress of these formalities add to the anxiety.

Who knows?

All I know is I NEED this Christmas break to work on more positive thoughts. I NEED to relax. I NEED some fun and laughter. I NEED to get a hold of myself and control my anxious thoughts.

Sooooo much going on, the sensory overload is not helping.

DO you suffer from panic disorder? Do you know someone who does? Panic Disorder is NOT the same as Generalized Anxiety Disorder, nor is it the same as someone who has a random panic attack.

I suppose all of this is so fresh since it just happened less than 45 minutes ago. I am trying to relax and get a handle on my emotions.

Though.. not a single person can tell.

Interesting, isn't it? ;-)


Ann Bennett said...

I'll certainly send good thoughts your way. My mother had panic attacks when different relatives passed. My theory is your mind has just processed its limit. I do know for some it is a chemical imbalance. If you are separating from your husband. Whoo, you would be super human to not have a few panic attacks. Course, you have been associating with wonder woman. Be good. Things will get better. Your fan, Ann

The Bipolar Diva said...

Panic attacks absolutely terrify me, the thought of them terrify me. Luckily, at least for me, I finally was able to recognize the type that work their way in and I've learned to ward them off, but the ones that come from no where there's nothing to do but ride them out. Sorry Nicole.

Janet7 said...

I have had panic disorder for most of my life, so I know what you are going through - for me, they are connected to times of hormonal shift - ex: puberty, after I had my son, etc. My panic has been under control with the help of medication.

Feel free to e-mail me should you need support with this - I know it is really difficult, to say the least -



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