Do Not Be Afraid

"The man who doesn't relax and hoot a few hoots voluntarily, now and then, is in great danger of hooting hoots and standing on his head for the edification of the pathologist and trained nurse, a little later on. "~Elbert Hubbard

Amen to that Mr. Hubbard.

Week two of unemployment commences. Hootie Hoo!

I have decided to embrace summer (finally) - since technically everyone told me to do just that last week. I think I was still in such a state of shock, I had to go into "fix mode." Here's the thing, it's been one week. Sure, time is just a ticking into the future, but I have sent out over 20 resumes to some seriously - quality jobs. I actually got a call back for one - but after much debate with the egyptian, I am going to pass on this "possible" opportunity. With his Praxis coming up in a month, and school about to start back (his job,) the cost of relocating is just not worth it.

The sucky part - it was in Savannah. Yep... the city I have wanted to move to.

BUT - I think we have a plan we can both be satisfied with.. and that's what I am going with.

Instead of worrying about jobs this week (though I will spend 1 - 2 hours a day searching) - I plan to have a little fun this week. For instance, the pool. I live in a great apartment community. We have a racquet ball court, tennis courts, basketball courts, 2 pool, a gym, jacuzzi, a 1 -mile wooded trail and a movie theater (seriously.) There is no reason I don't take advantage of all of this crap I have been paying for.

So... beginning tomorrow - Vacation: Nicole will commence. There is food in the frig, gas in the car, and outside of one errand for a friend (picking her up from the train station) and one coffee "date" with another friend - I am a free agent.

You better believe I am going to embrace it.

I have to give all props to the big guy upstairs. I was feeling sort of.. well.. lonely, and a little worthless (one week with nothing to officially do other than clean house and drive the egyptian to work is a little disheartening.) I decided to go to mass. Except I tried another church -and guys - I LOVED IT. Everyone was so friendly (that's saying a lot for catholic churches... we tend to mind our own business..) and the priest was very nice, and it doesn't hurt that the message was dead on what I needed to hear.

The overall theme - "Do Not Be Afraid."  Remember when Pope John Paul II came out with his overall message to the world? It was those very words. Do Not Be Afraid. God is with you.

The gospel today was the story that involved Jesus walking on water. Don't remember that one? Well it goes a little something like this:

After feeding the 5000, Jesus sends his disciples ahead of him in a boat to cross the Sea of Galilee. Several hours later in the night, the disciples encounter a storm. Jesus comes to them, walking on the water. This terrifies the disciples and they think they are seeing a ghost. Jesus tells them in verse 27, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

Peter replies, "Lord, if it's you, tell me to come to you on the water." So Jesus invites Peter to come. Peter gets out of the boat and begins walking on the water toward Jesus. But when Peter takes his eyes off Jesus and sees the wind and waves, he begins to sink. Peter cries out to the Lord and Jesus immediately reaches out his hand and catches Peter. As they climb into the boat together, the storm ceases. Then the disciples worship Jesus, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."

For me, the story says - concentrate on what's important, and "He's" got this. So I kneeled in the pew at mass and just asked Jesus to hold my hand through this. I mean, seriously... if Jesus were to come to Earth, and we all saw him.. and he walked around with me, holding my hand... I mean.. come on.. I would not be afraid of anything. So, I decided that would be my little thought process.

During the Homily, the priest was talking about how God will is what we need to focus on. I sort of smiled, thinking of how arabs, before they even speak of the future, they always say, "Inshallah." Which translates to God Willing. Soo... I will be okay, Inshallah.

As I was going to take the Eucharist (Communion for my Protestant friends..) the choir sang, "Do Not Be Afraid" and all I could think was - THAT'S IT. That's God's message to me this week.

So, my friends.. I will NOT be afraid. This too shall pass. I will concentrate on Jesus and God and not look at the choppy waters around me, and you better believe, I feel like I am in the eye of the Hurricane... it seems calm.. but I know I am surrounded on all sides. Maybe with trusting God to be on my side, I can weather this storm.

Inshallah.

I will leave you with a YouTube version of the song. The lyrics speak volumes.

Where were you a year ago today?

I got to thinking about how much my life has changed in a year. Friends came and went. Money came and went. Happiness came and went...

Luckily, my blog serves as an excellent reminder as to where I have been. Since I lay it all out on the line, and share with you what's going on... I have proof.

Who knew, one year from this post I am cutting and pasting, I would be jobless and on the verge of uncertainty. Who knew everything would blow up?

Well... it warms my heart to see one year ago today... and I am going to share it with you now...

Without further delay.. here is my post from year ago today.

My.. how times have changed...

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August 8, 2010
I am back!

Did you miss me? ;-)

I have to say I had one of the best weekends I have experienced in many, many months. I saw good people.. I ate good food.. I relaxed. Much needed and Much appreciated!

I thought I would simply share the highlights of my trip!

Friday was a busy, busy day! I had a thousand errands to run and a very short window of time to do them all in. Somehow, some way - it all happened! As you already know, I spent most of Friday morning -packing, doing laundry, a little cleaning before I headed home. Ran the egyptian to the mosque - then made my way to Serra Volkswagon to have my oil changed, air filter replaced, plus tired rotated and balanced. Needless to say, when you head to a dealership for something like a simple oil change, expect to wait at LEAST 2 hours. That's exactly how long it took. I found myself watching the Wendy Williams show and the Beverly Hillbilly's with the biggest redneck couple and a Yenta. Funny thing was - excellent conversation and we simply relaxed and made the best of it. Sitting in a VW service center reminds you of several things - 1. You are proud of your VW and no one ever has anything bad to say about them.. and 2. You are paying waaaay too much for parts and service.
(I'm just saying.)

Made it out of there to arrive at my home just a few minutes after 4pm. Crystal drove up at the same exact time - loaded the car and we were off! No sooner did I fuel up - the bottom fell out of the sky - all of the way (4 hours later) to Warner Robins, GA. I am sooo not kidding.That was hell. Thank God I had excellent tunes and we even encountered a rainbow outside of Atl. We laughed and said, "WOW - I think it's a double rainbow! What does it mean?" If you don't understand.. type in double rainbow on You Tube. Ironically the rainbow appeared at the same moment "Let It Be" came on the Ipod. Seriously.. WHAT DOES IT MEAN? hahaha.

Made it to Warner Vegas after an amazing rendition of "Cabaret" by Liza Minelli and found Telisa's apartment. We relaxed on her balcony with Rob (her boyfriend) and her exchange student - Lucas, enjoying the sheesha. (I did not partake.) We got a little bored, and decided to go to some place called - "Bahama Bob's." Needless to say - it was a double wide trailer posing as a bar. LOL. We did NOT go in - but instead headed to some place called the Cavern - stayed maybe 30 minutes - I start chewing a piece of gum.. and suddenly I squeal, "Oh My God.. I lost my crown."

.....

.....

Jokes ensue.. and I take it.. but was totally flipped. Yes, the gum attached it self to the crown in my mouth (on one tooth) and proceeded to rip it from my gum. I was freaked! So freaked - we leave the car. We head over to Kroger around 1am (little bit of trivia - largest Kroger in Georgia) and I call my mom and ask what should I do? See.. you are never too old to call mom, even at 1am. I found some adhesive in the dental aisle for loose crowns and fillings, pic it up - then we proceed to get snacks. I bought a piece of tiramisu, deli Tomato Basil soup, and goat cheese. Telisa gets a 6pack and chocolate molten lava cake, and Crystal gets apple juice and a key lime tart.

Picnic commences at 2am.

Crystal and I make it to the guest bed and .. well.. in perfect IKEA form, it collapses. Oh yeah... we slept inverted.. lol. Apparently the planks gave out - had no box spring for support and it when crash.

Too funny...

Woke up and had the wonderful opportunity to visit some old friends: Amanda, Kaprial, and Dana. Telisa and Crystal joined me and we all enjoyed our coffee and relaxation at Starbucks~!

Crystal and I rush back to Macon, GA and meet my mom and niece at Polly's La Mesa.. had some crappy tex-mex.. and proceeded to experience the Polly's effect. Made it back to my parent's home in Haddock and proceeded to crash on the couch for a while.

We finally made it to the cook out at Bridgett's house. Saw even MORE people i have not seen in a million years. One of the first things someone said to me was - "Hey, you are the girl with all of the sarcastic comments on Facebook." hahhahaha.. I suppose my reputation proceeds me.
;-)

Crystal and I decided to leave the party early and visit my old college campus in Milledgeville, GA. We visited The Brick, had a quick bite to eat and headed home to my parent's home. While there - my sister reads our Tarot cards around 2am.

Woke up this beautiful morning to my dad's coffee and his home-cooked southern country style breakfast. Relaxed.. and headed home. I was lucky enough to stop off near Douglassville, GA and catch my friend Lynn at the gas station before making back to Bham.

Good times...

Want to see it unfold? Enjoy:

Where were you one year ago today?? What has changed???

How do you decompress?

There is nothing as magical as taking a deep breath, free of tension and stress. It is a rare moment that I am naturally that relaxed. But it CAN happen.

Since I quit drinking (this October will be 3 years,) there is very little chemical help to "unwind." (For the record, I was not an alcoholic.)

This post will include the top 20 ways I am able to just chiiiillllllllllll.  They are in no particular order.

Writing and sipping coffee

I spend each morning drinking coffee and writing in my blog. It is a great way to release any thoughts, any feelings, any issues I may have. It has been my routine for almost 2 years now.

These hair massagers are awesome!

I bought one of these from Books-a-Million earlier this year. They are AMAZING. Will send chills down your spine (in a good way.) Seriously allows me to take a deep breath.  I only use this on rare occasions. Like a little treart.

Sound and Look of the Sea

Who cannot relax by the water? I love the sound of the waves, the smell of the salt/floral air, the beautiful displays of blues and greens.. Just thinking of this spot is intoxicating. Obviously, this is the "vacation special" form of relaxation.

Hot Bubble Bath

Each night, I rush to my garden tub, get it full of hot water, and dose it with my vanilla and coconut bubble bath - then I soak and read a good book. THIS is how I unwind each night before bed.

Burning candles

I have numerous candles dispersed throughout my house. When I KNOW I need to unwind, I will light one and say a little prayer. Maybe it's the catholic in me, but every time I light a candle, I announce who or what I am lighting this candle for. As a matter of fact - When I finish this post - I will light my candle across from me (the one from the monastery.)

Having my hair washed/styled

I am not sure about you, but I LOVE a day at the salon. Where I go, they always start off with an invigorating head massage with a peppermint oil. Then I get a head massage as it is being washed. Of course, having someone "play" with your hair is super calming and a nice hot blow out (drying) will almost put me to sleep! I get my hair cut about every 6 - 8 weeks.

Homedic's Back Massager

The BEST thing I EVER bought. I keep this thing near by. I have the WORST muscle tension - and this little guy will pound it out. Cost a total of $50, I use it right at the top of my shoulders. It works out those hellacious kinks/knots that never seem to want to disappear. It's also great to take on vacation, put it on your feet, and you can make those sore tootsies disappear.

Homedics Massage Chair

I bought this guy several years ago, and it remains the "final frontier" when I am seriously stressed. It's a Shiatsu chair, I basically plug it up and sit it on my couch and let it roll up and down my spine. Talk about getting the blood flowing!! It coast me about $100 and I think I got my from Bed, Bath & Beyond.

Listening to music and dancing around

My "alone time" moment. I have my ipod, with my music.. and I dance around. Yes, I dance around. You read that right. I could get totally lost in music.

Professional Massage

Glory Be! I do love a good massage. I got to the point I was going every 2 weeks... but those days are over for now. However, if you can afford the spoils of a massage, I highly recommend it.

Meditation

I have been studying meditation (loosely) since I was 16 years old. It takes a looooong time to get the hang of it, and I simply don't do it as much as I used to.. but it is an excellent way to center yourself. I only break this out when I think I can focus.

Floating in a pool

Is there anything more fun? More relaxing? I LOVE the pool and I love to float. I just feel the tension melt from my body.

Praying

This is really my number 1. What can I say, but talking to God puts me at ease. Try it some time. You might like it.

Aromatherapy - specifically Blue Oil

I picked up a bottle of this back in January, and when I am driving, and I feel tense or anxious - I roll (it's a roller ball) a little on each temple, and at the base of my neck. The effect - focus and relaxation. I am a BIG believer in aromatherapy.

Spa time - a Facial


Facials can be super relaxing also. Nothing like getting the blood flowing in the area that needs it most. I believe they help you look younger and healthier, and it's nice to pamper yourself. I used to go once a month. Again - new situation, time for a break.

Swinging with abandon

I discovered on my trip home that swinging can be VERY therapeutic. Clearly, I don't go often. But now that I know, I will never miss an opportunity to swing, when given the chance.

Herbal Tea - THIS ONE!

I am not a big tea drinker, but I found this one and now I drink a cup about once a week. Last night I did, and I felt sleepy.. seriously. This is the exact brand and exact one. Give it a whirl.

Jacuzzi Time!

Who doesn't enjoy a nice jacuzzi?

Yoga

I used to be a yoga fanatic. Not so much anymore, but I do try some of the poses sometimes to release tension, and without fail- it works every time.

Zumba!

Exercise mixed with dancing is always a good choice for me.


Now what about you?? What do YOU do to chill out? Please share, I need some tips!

Thank you Zumba

I went to bed last night fairly tense. Stressed. Exhausted. Just a little down.

I woke up - forced myself to Zumba Toning- and soooo glad I did.

Coincidentally, we worked on the shoulders/upper back.  If you guys remember, Zumba toning involved weights and basic strength and core training. This is a great class for sculpting. Let me just say, there was one move we did, once we finished - I swear I could feel the tension or toxins or whatever is built up in our muscles just release.

Seriously - release.

Just what the doctor ordered.

I came home, had a great conversation with a friend from home, laughed a little - vented a little... then took a purifying shower. I say purifying because I remember attending a Native American festival once, and the elder explained that in his tribe's daily rituals, showering is seen as sacred. He told me, next time you are showering - Thank "God" or the "Great Spirit" for the water, feel it cleanse my body and spirit.. etc.

Anyway.. I gave it a whirl today. I surrendered to the water.

It worked.

Now I sit here, with you... pouring my heart out.. eating some fresh fruit and drinking my morning coffee. In the background I here the egyptian playing a reading from the Qu'ran on his computer. It's soothing... reminds me of the Gregorian Chants...

I hope each of you has a wonderful Saturday. I am trying... really, I am.

PS - Check out my sister's blog - The Spiral Road. Please follow her, she's a REALLY good writer. She's a single-working-mom... I think many of you could relate.

Need a laugh?

So I got a little off course with my planned/themed days of writing. Sure, I am a little behind on my ideas that I keep in a notebook.
But with my little life crisis, and COMPLETE lack of things to do -it  has caused me to come here and dump.

Dump. Dump. Dump.

I thought in this post - I would Share! Share some of my favorite funny videos of all time.

Whenever I need a pick me up - here is what I watch. I am giving you my top 15!

***warning - Language in some videos*****

1.
Not sure why, but it cracks me up! I could totally see some of my friends and I being silly on a yaught. LOL. Good times...

2.

This cracks me up... reminds of two different guy friends of mine. I sure miss having them around!

3.

I love the "literal lyrics" videos. Hilarious take on videos.

4.

Oh you know we have all been there!

5.

Remember those tags we used to all do?? LOL

6.

OMG - hilarious.

7.

Justin and Adam.. in 90's clothing... lord help me. ;-)

8.

Too cool!

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

Shark Week & Mob Week

"Anger is one letter short of danger." ~Author Unknown

Once upon a time there existed a little land where media was king. Some very smart people decided to promote Sharks and the Mafia. All in the kingdom was satisfied. Media was happy, and so were her inhabitants.

In this same land, lived a girl. She knew how media worked, and was paid to make sure all was well in one particular microcosm in the kingdom. She noticed the promotional weeks happened to take place during a very critical time in her life... and she had to chuckle. It was so ironic.

Because she too had first hand experience with sharks. And she had experienced getting "Whacked."

Damn the irony.

Destination: New Career

Currently, I am reading a wide range of books. I am back on, "The Happiness Project," as well as, "The Artist's Way." I finished reading the first week of "The Artist's Way" and one of the assignments I was given was to make a list of possible careers you would choose, if nothing stood in your way.

Basically it was entitled - "Imaginary Lives." I really like the idea of this one, especially considering what I am going through currently. (PS - the anger tries to seep in from time to time. Not sure who to be angry at - but I figure, I can blog about that at a later date.)

Since I am job searching, I thought to myself, "What a perfect time to to try it out!"

Here are my 10 (yes, 10 - there are sooo many I want to do, and I will put them in order of importance, and then stick to 5) - Imaginary Lives.

Nicole's Imaginary Life Choices:

10. Event Planner - I enjoy planning and activating activities/parties/events. I can see things visually, and usually can make it happen. I am quick, decisive, and budget conscious. At the end of the day, people always say, "You throw a good party."

9. Philosophy Professor - I am super crazy about "deep thinking" and the whys and the hows of the human mind and stream of consciousness. I can totally see me moderating a group of college age students in a discussion on a myriad of topics.

8. Litigator - Yep. I probably should have gone to Law School, and yes - I would throw down in a court room. I could totally see me working for the ACLU, defending the rights of every Tom, Dick and Harry.

7. Holistic Medicine Practitioner/Aromatherapist - I am completely into this naturopathic way of health, and would have loved to go to school to study it. I could see working at a spa, or retreat or rehab center, conducting exercises/activities or treating customers/patients.

6. Therapist - I have always been super-into psychology. I read a ton of books, and always try to diagnose why people do what they do. A little bit of an over-analyzer. Could have done it. Probably should have done it.

5. Documentarian - While studying broadcasting, I always saw myself documenting various cultures through film. Now, I am thinking I need to see if Anthony Bourdain needs a new producer. ;-)

4. Professional Writer - Where all I did was write, maybe a column in a paper or magazine. Or freelance. Just write, write, write. Sort of what I do now, just actually getting paid for it. ;-)

3. Life Coach - ever since I worked with a Life Coach once, I have been fascinated with the concept. I actually found a school I want to take the certification through. But it costs $1,000 - and unfortunately, I just lost my job. Should have done it 6 months ago, when I had the $$.

2. Photographer - I have always been fascinated with photography. I will be the first to tell you, I know very little and have a simple point and shoot camera. But boy oh boy - what I would do with a good camera. Watch out world!

1. Peace Corps Volunteer - still want to. Thinking I need to get serious about it. But I need to time it right, so that Mr. Egyptian could join me.

What about you? What would be your top 5??

Eat Dessert First

Before I ever really got into coffee, I was more of a International Coffee kind of girl. Then I graduated to Starbucks. This is before Starbucks was super popular in the south.

I discovered the Frappucino, then a few months later, the White Mocha. It is basically espresso with white chocolate mocha syrup and I think they put whipped cream in it.

Simply put - it's divine. Like dessert in a cup.

Eventually I put my big girl pants on and graduated to espresso, regular coffee, etc.  But my first TRUE love was the White Mocha.

Today, for old times sake (and I have to admit, it's been years...) I ordered a Venti White Mocha with an extra shot of espresso.

I mean.. why not?

(PS- Thanks Teresa.)

It's only 9:12am and I am not only caffeinating, I am dosing up on lots o' sugar. See, I have been very proud, I have not indulged at all. Remember the post where I tried to eat red velvet cake and watch episodes of Ally McBeal until the wee hours of the morning? Yeah, I couldn't do it. Hell, I've tried to eat my favorite foods - can't do it. It's how I deal with crisis, I kinda, sorta, lose my appetite.

But this morning... I decided, it's time. I am feeling a little sneezy (allergies or cold - not certain,) I am groggy and I have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO.

There for - a Venti White Mocha with an extra shot of espresso it will be.

Maybe it will crank me up so high, I will grab my ipod and dance around for a few hours.

Who knows!

Today is certainly an indulgent day. Thanks for "indulging" me with reading my post!

Looking for a sign

I must admit, this scene from Under the Tuscan Sun is pretty much how I view life... Please take a moment and watch.



I find I make my decisions by looking for a sign. El Segno.

If I trace my steps back over the years: I stay open, I listen to my heart, and then I move forward. Following my heart, my intuition, I find myself in a wide variety of situations. For the most part, I end up on this super adventurous path, full of lessons and bumps and just more to add to my little life story.

This week, I have been wide open to signs...

Here is what I found on Saturday in the mail -

It was nothing more than a rewards certificate from DSW, but the message on the front of that bright green envelope made me smile. I thought to myself, "Perhaps that is where this elusive happiness is residing.. inside my heart."

If you have been following along with my blog, Sunday night was a tough one for me. I felt sad, lonely, ugly - just an overall failure. As I was driving home on Monday from a coffee meeting with a friend, I saw this on Hwy 31, and snapped a quick shot with you cell phone:

Again, just another reminder that I am a beautiful person, inside and out. I am not a failure, nor is anyone traveling down the road of life.

I recovered just long enough to have a crappy Tuesday night. After a terrible fight with someone I love, and no word on any of the resumes I shot out - I was feeling numb again.

Then today, I have another coffee chat with another friend, found some perspective, and later - I grabbed one of the Dove Dark Chocolate's out of my candy dish to discover this:

El segno.

Kindness is popping up in such surprising places. My Zumba Instructor/friend found out about my situation, and sent me the sweetest text message to remind me she was praying for me and that to NOT cancel my classes, to come and come for free.

Then today, I checked my mailbox and one of my other dear friends sent me a hilarious card and inside she commented on my blog post and reminded me that #22 would not do, and included a $25 gift certificate to Starbucks.

Kindness. Like I have never experienced before... ever.

I am looking for signs... El Segno... hoping to find my new path. I DO believe something good can come from all of the roads I have taken, the random, twisted paths.

Here I am, I find myself stranded in Birmingham. No job. No family. Friends I have only known less than 5 years.

I have spent my entire life - working, trying to achieve amazing things. Maybe this is the time to let the universe speak to me.

Maybe it's time to go a little wild... take some random chances... see the signs...


I feel like the quotes in that trailer speak volumes...

Finally....

One of my favorite closings in a movie... and wise words for me... and you.

The Artist's Way

For the record, I am not a visual artist. I wanted to get that out of the way up front.  But I do well in a creative atmosphere, and right now - I have nothing but time.

A while back I got the book, "The Complete Artist Way" by Julia Cameron. It is basically 3 books in one.

"The Artist's Way" - Cameron's original, groundbreaking twelve-step program, the essential first step on the path to creative.

"Waling in This World" - Part Two of Cameron's course of discovering the creative self, which shows readers how to inhabit the world with a sense of wonder and how to use this new found awareness to create meaningful art.

"Finding Water" - For the artist who has established a footing, a text that reveals the tools necessary to sustain artistic vision through the years.

I figured, I could finally brush the dust off this book and give it a whirl. I thought this might be part of that enrichment I have been hoping to have time for.

Also, I finally reopened "The Happiness Project." Somehow, someway - I was able to get over the hump and dive back in. I began enjoying it again. What I find interesting, for whatever reason, I am reading so much fasting and actually retaining more information. I think, and I am sorry to say, but my former job took up soooo much space in my brain, that I must have been mentally exhausted.

That's a positive, for sure.

It's another day, Wednesday morning, and I actually have a friend coming over for coffee. (She is a friend of my husband,) but she and I should have a lot in common to talk about - for one we are both American and both were married to Arabs. THIS should be therapeutic. ;-)

Other than that, I will send off at few more resumes today, possibly organize my shoes (I have TONS), and give myself a facial. I have such a busy day. ;-) LOL

Great News!

Well.. great for me.

I FINALLY got word on my severance package. As my husband says in Arabic - "El Hamdo lelah!" (It translates to Thank God or Thanks be to God!

Sooo.. as it turns out, on the 15th I will get a regular paycheck with my 85 hours of vacation. THEN - I will get one more check on the 30th and that will be the final one.

Heck, it's better than nothing. AND - by then the unemployment should kick in.

All together now - El Hamdo lelah!

I guess for me, the good news is, I will be fine through September, maybe even October. If I stick to the basics, I should have enough time to truly pay rent, car, insurance, and essentials. No extras for this girl! But that's okay, I have been spoiling myself for years. I have been blessed to make the income I was given, and you know - it's money. Simple math.

Money comes and it goes. I have to just be super smart about it.

(Have you noticed this entire time I am only talking about my income?) Because THAT's how I am. I will take care of me. Always have, always will. God willing, except for unemployment, I won't have to ask for any hand outs. (From family, friends, etc.)

Today is my day to do a little laundry, organize a few more cabinents, read a little, watch a little tv... just be me.

I sent my resume to a  television station last night for the Morning Show  Producer position. It's a tricky position - horrible hours (10:30pm - to like 7:30am or so.) Less money.. but I'm good at it, and it could be my entrance back into TV News.

Just. Not. Sure.

O f course, that's if they even accept me! :-)

Today there are two other positions someone sent me online - one at an area hospital (Marketing/Communications) and the other with a very prominent Non Profit (Volunteer Management.) I will shoot out a resume to both and just see what happens.

Strategic. ;-)

As for life in general -Day Two of Ramadan. The egyptian did well yesterday, he looked tired and grumpy (what's new?) But that sort of comes with the holiday. I find it fascinating that my muslim friends get so excited about Ramadan. They fast ALL DAY, then basically eat a big meal at night, and a small one before the day begins.. and pray a lot. They say they love it. I guess I am so used to my Westernized/Euro-Christian Holidays.. where celebrating involves over-indulgence, presents, and lots of songs and laughter. I can see where Ramadan is nice, to grow closer to God. But to me, it's an interesting concept. See, as a Christian, we believe Jesus died on the cross for our sins, and loved us so much he endured the pain and suffering.  To me fasting all day is like suffering. Though, I understand the purification properties, and putting God above our own basic needs...

It's just interesting to me that, in their eyes, it's a joyous occassion. (Perhaps our concept of joy is different. I often concentrate on the earthly joys, when they are concentrating on the eternal joys.) Something to be learned from my muslim friends, for certain. (Though, I guess my 40 days of Lent is similar, but I do NOT look forward to Lent. ;-) )

It is now time to finish up the laundry.

PS - Did I mention how much you guys ROCK??

High School

Okay - enough with the day-to-day... I want to have a little fun in a post. You know how I get on these kicks?
Ok.. I was listening to some music tonight. Just some good-old fashioned songs from my High School Days.

To the left you see my senior picture. This is the one you would see in my High School Year Book. Oh yeah. Prairie dress - Big Hair and all.

Cracks me up.
Just so you can reference the time frame, I was in High School from 1987 -1991.  Middle School 85 - 87. Elementary School - 79 - 85. Oh yeah... good times and even better music with fabulous style all mixed together!!
I thought I would share with you a few (only a few) pics of me from that time period of my life, as well as some of my absolute FAVORITE songs. I know these were my favorite, b/c I popped open my diary from then. 

Enjoy!

9th Grade - (87 - 88)

That's me - second from the left - at school.. I am thinking either 10th or 11th grade.

10th Grade - 88-89

10th Grade Year Book Picture

11th Grade 89-90

















12th Grade 1990 - 1991









That's just a minor example of goodies.. some I saw that I documented in my journal. LOL

What about you - what were YOU listening to in high school??

Busy as a Bee

There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein.

  ~Walter Wellesley "Red" Smith

Tomorrow will be a treat. (Wait, I am writing this late, it will probably be tomorrow by the time you read this.) Tuesday will be better. Monday was BUSY. What happened to becoming a Lady of Leisure??

Just a recap - This morning was a surreal/whirl wind. I gulped down a cup of coffee and left yet another message with my former employer's HR department. Not surprised, I thought that might happen. Would love to know when I am getting my severance. Regardless, I have emailed and called numerous times...

THEN I tackled the Unemployment Website. It was fairly easy.. with that being said, I hope I did it right! According to the website... 3 weeks until I get paid, IF it gets approved. *Sigh*

I had a lunch meeting with a friend of a friend today. She is the Assistant News Director at a TV station in town. She was a hoot! Great personality, wicked sense of humor, and truly a delight to chat with. An added bonus, she asked me to shoot over my resume! Heck, you never know! ;-)

Later, I rushed over to meet another friend, since she asked me to drop her off at the train station. Unfortunately, my car is too small to take her and her 3 kids and all of their luggage. Sooo.. I jumped in her car, and drove it back. Next week, I will pick them back up and get my car back.

THEN - I rushed to pick up the egyptian. Lord, was he hanging on by a thread. It was the first day of Ramadan, and the weather is brutal and he had not had a glass of water since before the sun rose.

With all of the running around, I had to cancel my chance to visit my friend, Laura and her little one. :-(

In other words, I think Tuesday may go a little smoother. I need to update my resume and shoot it over to my new contact at the TV station. Then I need to apply for 2 other jobs another friend sent over.

I know everyone keeps telling me to take it a little easy this week, but how do you pause on job opportunities? I just can't.

In between everything else, I am cleaning like a devil. Reorganizing, and just trying to pull it all together. Maybe that is a side effect of the rest of my life going out of control, I tried to put a little order back in my house.

Tuesday needs to involve reading, the pool, and little me time. I NEED TO DECOMPRESS. I think tomorrow is the day to do it.

Before I close, I want to thank each of you for your kind words, prayers, emails, etc. I know, without a doubt, I can come here and see wonderful, uplifting comments. I wish I could answer each of them, however sometimes I can't type comments on other blogs. But know, I read them, and I adore each of you.

I finally had a moment

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose your own. ~Harry S Truman

I will begin by saying I awoke feeling still a bit tired, but over all a little more rested. See, I finally had a moment last night.

After the egyptian left to go see friends, I started feeling a little tense. So I decided to make tacos and watch one of my Netflix movies that came in the mail. As I was watching "Zodiac," I noticed my muscles were tensing up.. and I felt like I could not breathe, so I went into the closet and pulled out the Homedics Shiatsu massage chair thing. It's like a massage chair, but you actually put it on your chair, works the same. Luckily it worked out the tension in my back, and I began to relax a little.

But I still could not "breathe." You know the kind, it's just an effort - you are so tense, so I decided to pop a Perogesic (OTC med that helps with pain, but makes you sleepy.) Then I went into my room, and FINALLY the tears came. But I was not crying because I can't work at the place I used to anymore. I was crying because, well.. let's be honest.. I started feeling like a failure.

I sat at my desk in my bedroom, it's an old antique desk that I have had since I was a little girl. I just lay my head down, my room was dark, all except for this little Scentsy Warmer.. and I just prayed.

I asked God to give me the strength to get through all of this, because I did not know if I could. I asked for forgiveness for anything I had done that would cause me to be in the position. I asked him to heal the egyptian... b/c right now he is acting like my enemy. I begged for some sort of validation, that I am going to be okay.

I just had a moment.  The hardest part - I just felt so alone. I refuse to show this side of myself to anyone I know... so I had to endure it, alone.

I cried, and felt sorry for myself. I allowed myself to feel vulnerable. I gave myself permission to feel a sense of loss. Then I got a heating pad, put it on my back, and just watched a little TV. Finally, I was sleepy enough.. and I went to bed.

I just woke up about 30 minutes ago, fixed a pot of coffee, and decided to get my feelings out.

I know I am going to be okay, but MAJOR TRANSITIONING is about to take place, and I had to face my feelings and my fears. Some people clam up.. I have to purge. So thank you for allowing me an outlet to do so.

You take my life when you do take the means whereby I live.

  ~William Shakespeare

Have you ever lost a job? Been fired? How did you cope?