A Reason to Celebrate

Itemsbydesignbird.blogspot.com

Let's just pretend for a minute that I have something to celebrate. (Which I do!) Let's also say, just for a laugh, that I wanted to invite all of my faithful blog readers to a little soiree! (Which I totally would, if it were logistically possible.) This blog post is my virtual thank you.

I want to thank each of you that supported me through my entire unemployment process for the past eight months. Either through your comments, phone calls, emails, or even a few silent prayers now and again.

Our prayers have been answered!

I know that when you decided to follow my journey, you probably never saw what happened to me coming, nor did I. I appreciate those of you who stuck in there with me through some of my more bitter posts- mostly dealing with rejection, financial loss, and/or my mal-adjustment to returning to my parent's home after 20 years. Those days are finally coming to a close - officially!

What I have decided to do for fun, is create a virtual party, and you are invited!
Let's start with what am I going to wear?

That's better. Perfect for our little Saturday morning brunch.

gypsypurplehome.tumblr.com

Since this is a fantasy party, I am going to pretend I live by the beach, and this is my porch. ;-) I would invite my favorite readers to join me on the back porch for a little brunch- with an added sea breeze for atmosphere.

Coconut Lime Margarita Recipe

Of course I would start you off with a nice Coconut Lime Margarita. How appropriate is that? Plus it includes my two favorite flavors in the world - Coconuts and Lime! (PS - Each of these pics and recipes have the original source and info on how to make them, just click on the highlighted description.)



marthastewart.com

Then I would serve you a refreshing   Watermelon, Orange, and Feta Salad garnished with mint or parsley. How wonderful and light?

realsimple.com

I would offer an appetizer of cucumbers and hummus - another two of my favorite things..

Zucchini Rolls

The piece de resistance - Grilled Zucchini Rolls with herbed goat cheese and kalamata olives!

Avocado Dip

I might go crazy over the creamy avocado yogurt dip! 

Champagne Popsicles with silverware sticks

Of course dessert is on the menu - Champagne Popsicles with silverware as the sticks!

We would talk, we would laugh, we would celebrate.

Again, thank you all for hanging in there with me on the ride. So many of us have lost our jobs during this tough economy - and the going length for staying unemployed is 18 months. I was in it for 8 months, and I am so eternally grateful for this new opportunity.

Remember:

Wash it all away

I am ready for a little spring cleaning! Internal spring cleaning, that is.

I have spent the last eight months waiting to exhale, and I am finally there.

If all references clear - I got the job I REALLY wanted. Isn't that wonderful news?

*exhale*

Not only that, but it is such a wonderful transition from my former life. Basically doing the exact same thing, but this time, in an environment that supports creativity, embraces diversity, and seeks to educate others. Could it not be a better fit?

With that great news, I have decided it is time to wipe those cobwebs of negativity away. There is no room for them anymore. I have a new lease on life - and I know it will sink in soon enough.

There is so much to look forward to in the upcoming months. New challenges, lots of new information to digest, and of course, my favorite one of all - a NEW HOME.

All of these things will come in due time... I just have to be patient.

While spring brings us a rebirth of a new life, and Easter promises eternal life, how can we be truly open to these amazing gifts?

A karma cleanse.

Join me this weekend in cleansing yourself of old hurts, past regrets, anger towards others, and disappointments.

Happy Tuesday every one!

Taking a Risk

As I look back over my life, I suppose I am a bit of a risk taker. Wait, let me correct that, a cautious risk taker. The best way to describe that is I tend to weigh the consequences, make sure all of my bases are covered, then spring into action.

For example, falling for and entering a relationship with the egyptian.

I knew we would have a bazillion things working against us. He was younger, from a foreign country - heck, not even a foreign country, a completely polar opposite culture/religion. The bumps and bruises we have endured along the way would break any couple. I am soooo happy to report, we are absolutely stronger than we ever were. There is a balance of power (finally,) a sense of teamwork, and personally - that's all I ever really needed.

Most importantly, there is love. Lots and lots and lots of love. We have that same passion we once had in the beginning, except now it is sprinkled with acceptance, compassion, and patience. Thank GOD I did not listen to the naysayers and run straight to a divorce lawyer when times got tough. It's so easy these days to do that. Instead we decided to hang on and ride out the storm.

There is no sense of urgency, or control. I think losing everything ended up being exactly what we needed to gain a sense of balance again. He is where he rightfully should be, the head of the house, yet he is encouraging me to do the absolute best I can do and still try for success. It's a good feeling.

The risk to fall in love with him was great. The risk to stick with him was even greater. Guess what? It worked out in the end.

That's all that matters.

I about to embark on a different kind of risk. I am toying with the idea, and one minute I am like - YES, and the next minute, I begin to think to myself.. hmm....

I think I am going to go into business for myself. I have already decided to start freelance writing, but now I think I might try something else in addition to that. I believe I might start a very small business, one where I reach out to other small businesses and non profits and offer an a la carte service in promotion/marketing/public relations. Keep it simple, keep the costs down, and make it afforadable to the average Joe.

I have all of the tools in my brain. I have all of the connections needed for both Middle Georgia and most of Alabama and Pensacola. Heck, why not?

I am toying with a name, and logo. A mission and plan. A kit to promote and people to contact. It's in the works. Heck, nothing else is happening, and it's something I know I can do, so why not do it?

Risk. It might just work out.

What is the greatest risk you ever took?

Pondering Love

Laura Rowe Photography

There is so much I could say about this subject. So, so much. Considering the fact that I am a tried and true cynic - there is one thing I know for sure, is how I feel about some one.

Especially if I love that person.

Here's the deal - marriage/relationships/love - it's all very messy. If you say it isn't, then good for you. But I would challenge you to ask yourself one question, "Have you been honest with your wants and needs?"

One of my best attributes, as well as one of my worst has always been that I pretty much knew what I wanted in my life. Which is great for making solitary decisions. When it comes to sharing your life with another, you enter a whole new arena of compromise. Perhaps the other person's idea of the future is not the same as yours.. then what? Who is going to give?

I believe that if you love someone, the most important thing is to be together. Truly try to find some sort of common ground. It could be as simple as deciding on a restaurant to have dinner, or picking the film you want to see, or where to stay while on vacation. Or it could be as difficult as whether or not you want children, or whether or not you will live in this country, or even if you allow someone else to pursue their dreams.

I have been considering all of those items for the past week. Even more so since my last call with my husband. Here's the thing, we lived in Birmingham because that's where my job was. It was a good job. Then it ended. I have been working in my field for quite some time, and I don't believe I have done anything that is over-the-top fabulous.

The egyptian, on the other hand, is 8 years younger. He is just at the cusp of making his dreams come true. He sacrificed his family, his friends, and everything familiar to be with me. It was tough. Still is. The question I have to ask myself is - do I stand by his side and help him reach his goals, or do I keep chasing after mine?

The beauty of a possible answer is that we agree on some very key factors:

1. We want to live in a dynamic city.
2. We both want to achieve our financial & career dreams.
3. We both want to work in our respective fields.
4. We don't want children.
5. We don't necessarily care about owning a house/etc. We want to be able to go when we are ready to go.
6. We both want to travel the world. Not the tourist trap world - but live with the locals type of world.

Where we need a little help:

1. Not turning a disagreement on plans into  World War Three.
2. Not allowing our religious differences cause us to point the finger at the other.
3. Disagreeing about having pets.
4. He is frugal - I like to shop.
5. Completely different eating times & ideas of what breakfast/lunch/dinner looks like
6. Amount of time we should spend together.
7. Learning to speak with kindess. We both have fiery tongues.
8. We both jump to conclusions without patiently processing information.
9. Apologizing more.
10. Show each other more respect.

We had a good talk tonight. It was by phone. I can tell he is growing impatient,and is ready to get our normal lives back. Back before the stress of job loss and financial issues. Now that he is driving, and almost done with immigration, it would be a perfect time for us to have our own home, decent financial opportunities, mutual friends.. and just a new life.

BTW - I choose to have it with him.

Sure, things got waaaaaaaay out of hand. You guys have no idea. (No, it's not as bad as it seems... but I did stop it before it could have gone anywhere it did not need to go.)

But at the end of the day - I choose love.

After our talk, he seems to feel the same. We both want to go back to the happier days in Egypt. The ways things were. The closeness of the days of chatting with one another for 5 hours at a time, 2 hour phone conversations, and the rest. Most of the pieces are slowly coming together. We just need to put them in place.

But we both agree we need to move with respectful caution. Slowly, but surely.

We both pray for a better tomorrow. Yet we find ourselves here.

I am so glad we are not giving up. :-) Let the healing begin!

Re~ Organizing My Brain

Late last night, I got really excited (or maybe I should say hopeful) over a few new job listings on Career builder. Several Marketing/Promotions, or Marketing/Communications positions have recently popped up. One or two at some really interesting places. THAT's something, right?

It's Friday, and like the thunder and rain that washed away all of the yuck of the world, I feel like some of my anxiety went with it down the gutters of Birmingham. I am going to embrace my weekend, and try my best to keep the negative at bay. Which means - I may or may not engage in conversation. ;-)

I am not sure if I mentioned, but I am reading a new book and I have to say, it is helping - A LOT. It's called, "Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Your Marriage" by Lee Strobel. He's the guy that wrote "The Case for Christ." Basically he is a journalist/atheist that turned author/Christian. Great writer, excellent story teller, and this book in particular is fascinating. It's not awash with too much Christian Propaganda, but straight forward, and insightful. I plan to share with you guys what I have learned. I think at the root of what is happening in my home goes back to our different social norms. Cultural clashes if you will. The biggest clash of all - our religious "rules."

Something else I plan to do - Homemade Blueberry Cobbler. Yes, I keep baking stuff. It's what I do when I am stressed. Oh how I pine for the days when women were worshiped for their full figures. hahahaa..

Coffee is done. My eyes are only 1/2 open... and it's time to move on.

Have a beautiful day. I'll try to lay low, and rebuild!

Refined

Polished - that's how I am beginning to feel.
 ;-)  I had a really big disappointment,  and one answer left to go. But by the sound of crickets, I am beginning to lose hope on that one also.

Moving on.

If all I have is the possibility of something completely different, for waaaaaaaaay less money and clout, then so be it. I suppose I should concentrate on something I want to do. REALLY want to do....


Like....

Write.

Okay. Now what? I need a plan. Perhaps I was meant to just write for me. Not for a corporation or a news services, maybe just sharing my ideas.

But how does that work... and how do I get started?

I am also interested in Photography. Perhaps I could develop that more. Maybe my dear friend, Laura, will allow me to "apprentice" with her - and she could teach me a thing or two. I could build a portfolio and move the hell on.

Or.... I could FINALLY take that Life Coaching certification class I have always been fascinated with. (I know, yeah right... what is this LOSER going to do with THAT?!) But that's just it! I could learn everything I need to know, in order to strategize MY life, and in turn, share that with others. Maybe through my blog - OR WRITING - or whatever. In the meantime...

Make some money and pay some bills.

Okay.. okay.. kind of like the starving artist thing. I GOT IT.

See? Resilience strikes again. Not to mention, this is what a person with too many thoughts does when she is bored and wide awake - I think and I write. I write, while I think. It's a dangerous combination. Good thing I don't drink anymore. You guys would be in for one hell of a ride!

Okay... now.. now...

I need to check out some books from the library, figure out what's next, and just accept the fact that health insurance and a decent income is a thing of the past. Fine.

It was good while it lasted.

It's just math, right?

I wonder...

I wonder... what October holds. September is always my worst month of any given year, no big surprise, nothing has happened for me. Can you believe I have been unemployed since July 29th?? That's almost two months. 60 days. 8 weeks.. WOW. WTH?

I think I need to find one of these fortune tellers and ask the age old question - "What's in my future?" Will it be a job here in Birmingham? Building my life with my new friends, and various opportunities...

Will I head home - surrounding myself with all of my old friends and family?

Will I patch things up with my significant other, or will he take flight?

Will I pull myself out of the financial hole that is looming around the corner (so far, so good... believe it or not.)

What's up?

The truth of the matter is, it's not for me to know yet. Simple as that.
For the absolute first time in my entire life, I have truly turned it over to God. Sure, I feel some little twinge of anxiety... but like all massive transitional times in my life, there is a glorious adventure right around the corner.

As for my personal life - it is what it is. I actually got some of the best advice this weekend, while driving out to the country, my friend said to me, "You are giving the whole situation too much energy. You need to take care of YOU." She's not the first one to tell me that, I do need to take care of me.

I have wasted almost two months. I could have been cultivating my spirit, instead I sort of did it 1/2 a$$.. which I am notorious of. One day I am focused and ready to roll, the next day - I sort of fizzle out.

I think I put so much effort into the job search and booking interviews within the first month, now I am just riding out the wave of contact. God willing, I get SOME sort of answer... and soon.

Keep Going.

Tonight, I decided to watch "The Company Men," starring Ben Affleck and a slew of other top notch actors. The story line is simple - a company begins to downsize to save money, and people get laid off. Or fired. Whatever you want to call it - you end up with severance and your holiday pay. Either way, you are without a job.

The characters take you through all of the emotions and scenarios of job loss. I have to admit, it hit a little too close to home.

The part that really got me was when people had to move. Tonight, for the first time, I put up my dining room set for sale on Craig's List. I feel a bit numb, but hopeful. The sale of that furniture will help pay for rent. Or a move... which ever is more affordable.

It's hard, you know? There is no sugar coating it. My economic outlook is not so good this month, but I have hope that it will turn around, and soon. I am at the mercy of two possible job offers. It's both exciting and scary at the same time.

Through out this entire journey, I have bared my soul with you. The ups, the downs, the numbness, the false hope, and the possibilities. We are down to the wire.

One of the best "work-related" blogs out there actually asked me to write a post about how to stay positive during a job loss. At first, I thought it was a joke, because though I may be portraying a happy face/written voice sometimes, I may not "feel" that way all of the time. But after I took some time to think about it, I realized there is one thing I do - "Fake it until you make it." If I were to imagine what I look like when frightened, I see a duck in water. That duck looks cool - just gliding along.. but I am kicking up a storm underneath. That's what I am doing.. holding it together, trying to stick to the plan, and kick like hell!

I wrote my story for her, and you can find it at Savvy Working Gal's Blog. It will post at 7am CST on Thursday, September the 15th. I recommend following her blog! She has great advice for the "Working Gal" and hopefully, my little story can help someone else.

It's been a long day, and even longer week. I pray you each find some peace tonight - and I will be back tomorrow!

A Life Changer

This week could be very privotal in the next chapter or volume of my life.

*breathe in.... breath out...*

I should get an answer from both jobs - one is going to make an offer, that I already know. If the other one makes an offer  - then I will have to make some VERY important decisions.

One job is more public relations/media relations and the other is television.

One is in my home town and one is in Birmingham.

One I KNOW how much $$ they are offering, and it is slightly lower than I would like. The other remains to be seen.

One would be a great stepping stone back into my original career interest. In turn, and over time - I could move on to bigger and bigger cities. Lots of hours. Loss of holidays. Not a lot of "me" time.

The other one would be more typical, 9-5 ish, M-F and holidays off. I would attend parties and events and basically write and maybe do a little public speaking.

One would be here - where I am establishing myself. More metropolitan, airport a hop, skip and a jump away... My husband.. my new friends.. my apartment (that I LOVE.)

The other would require a transition to my hometown. With a slight stint on my parent's couch.. before I would have the $$ to move. Closing out a lease in Bham, and waiting to see IF the egyptian would follow. Yes, I said IF. It's not guranteed. He does NOT want to leave.

Decisions ... decisions...

But I KNOW God has a hand in all of it. What is supposed to happen, will happen. Either way - it's a good thing. Transitions, new co-workers, new bosses, new expectations, new challenges and skills set...

It's exciting.

Are you expecting anything pivital this week?



I wanted to take a moment and thank you guys for hanging in there with me. It's been a freaking roller coaster of a month, and the lows are much lower than I am accustomed to. I never thought in a million years I would ever be in this situation, and surprises (especially negative ones) are never easy to digest.

There are things I want to write about - but I am having a hard time getting there. I know I could just pull a disappearing act for a few days, but honestly - I like jotting my morning thoughts down.

Happy Labor Day ~ I almost forgot it was a holiday, until I actually heard someone mention it on TV last night. How crazy is that? I am constantly having to look at my calendar to remember what day it is. "Oh the joys of unemployment."

It looks more and more dismal when I open my Bloomberg's Business Week magazine. Banks crumbling, worse job loss and salaries since WWII, just bad bad bad economy. Then there is me - qualified, educated, tons of experience.. just knocking on doors.

(Insert a hint of sarcasm) ~ My favorite thing to hear now is, "You did such a good job. But we hired someone with just a little more experience." Two of the interviews I had in the past 4 months (even before my job loss,) that's what happened. Seriously? I'm almost 40, and I have remained in my field since I graduated from college.... when do you ever have enough experience?

Two more interviews to go and it is a shot in the dark. I have said over and over that I wanted to get through this week before I begin my job search again. Too many irons in the pot - or whatever you call it.

So the answer is - Nope, I am not landing on my feet right now. I am stumbling and falling. Nope, no door has opened, no window is clean enough to see out.

I don't have a back up plan. There is no back up plan. I was told by someone very close to me that no one is going to support me, that I am on my own. Yeah - that hurt.

I can write. I can talk. I can tell stories with pictures - moving pictures to be exact.
There's not much need for someone like me.

Yeah.. I know.. I am whiney today. ;-)

Photo Journey of the Unemployed

I am sooo busy. Seriously. Doing absolutely NOTHING! Well - not "nothing" - but close to it.
Want to see?

I finally have time to look for the most unique ear rings to buy. PLUS - I can actually get away with wearing these now. It's not like I am in any stuffy meetings anymore.

I even have time to pick out a super cool new wireless mouse.

When people call and ask if I am busy - according to THIS calendar - I am WIDE OPEN!

I even had time to pick out this wonderful new piece from the Michael Kors selection. I am soo looking forward to wearing this soon!

I even have time to peruse my favorite catalogs.... wishing.. hoping...

I spent a little time with the BEST - Emily and Lao

I can even spend a good 30 minutes just painting my nails some fun little color.

I am pampering my sweet peppers that are growing in my sunroom...

As well as my Habenaros.

Then there are the afternoon naps HERE!

    And the time I spend each day FINALLY studying Arabic..

I get to tend to my Petunias...

And watch whatever movie I want!

And bake more....

And get a little more spiritual...

And organize more....

I went from my little mood calendar saying this.... to....

THIS!

I have time to visit with friends...

And even do a little mall walking with others...

Unemployment is not THAT bad. Well.. until the money runs out. ;-)

Do Not Be Afraid

"The man who doesn't relax and hoot a few hoots voluntarily, now and then, is in great danger of hooting hoots and standing on his head for the edification of the pathologist and trained nurse, a little later on. "~Elbert Hubbard

Amen to that Mr. Hubbard.

Week two of unemployment commences. Hootie Hoo!

I have decided to embrace summer (finally) - since technically everyone told me to do just that last week. I think I was still in such a state of shock, I had to go into "fix mode." Here's the thing, it's been one week. Sure, time is just a ticking into the future, but I have sent out over 20 resumes to some seriously - quality jobs. I actually got a call back for one - but after much debate with the egyptian, I am going to pass on this "possible" opportunity. With his Praxis coming up in a month, and school about to start back (his job,) the cost of relocating is just not worth it.

The sucky part - it was in Savannah. Yep... the city I have wanted to move to.

BUT - I think we have a plan we can both be satisfied with.. and that's what I am going with.

Instead of worrying about jobs this week (though I will spend 1 - 2 hours a day searching) - I plan to have a little fun this week. For instance, the pool. I live in a great apartment community. We have a racquet ball court, tennis courts, basketball courts, 2 pool, a gym, jacuzzi, a 1 -mile wooded trail and a movie theater (seriously.) There is no reason I don't take advantage of all of this crap I have been paying for.

So... beginning tomorrow - Vacation: Nicole will commence. There is food in the frig, gas in the car, and outside of one errand for a friend (picking her up from the train station) and one coffee "date" with another friend - I am a free agent.

You better believe I am going to embrace it.

I have to give all props to the big guy upstairs. I was feeling sort of.. well.. lonely, and a little worthless (one week with nothing to officially do other than clean house and drive the egyptian to work is a little disheartening.) I decided to go to mass. Except I tried another church -and guys - I LOVED IT. Everyone was so friendly (that's saying a lot for catholic churches... we tend to mind our own business..) and the priest was very nice, and it doesn't hurt that the message was dead on what I needed to hear.

The overall theme - "Do Not Be Afraid."  Remember when Pope John Paul II came out with his overall message to the world? It was those very words. Do Not Be Afraid. God is with you.

The gospel today was the story that involved Jesus walking on water. Don't remember that one? Well it goes a little something like this:

After feeding the 5000, Jesus sends his disciples ahead of him in a boat to cross the Sea of Galilee. Several hours later in the night, the disciples encounter a storm. Jesus comes to them, walking on the water. This terrifies the disciples and they think they are seeing a ghost. Jesus tells them in verse 27, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

Peter replies, "Lord, if it's you, tell me to come to you on the water." So Jesus invites Peter to come. Peter gets out of the boat and begins walking on the water toward Jesus. But when Peter takes his eyes off Jesus and sees the wind and waves, he begins to sink. Peter cries out to the Lord and Jesus immediately reaches out his hand and catches Peter. As they climb into the boat together, the storm ceases. Then the disciples worship Jesus, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."

For me, the story says - concentrate on what's important, and "He's" got this. So I kneeled in the pew at mass and just asked Jesus to hold my hand through this. I mean, seriously... if Jesus were to come to Earth, and we all saw him.. and he walked around with me, holding my hand... I mean.. come on.. I would not be afraid of anything. So, I decided that would be my little thought process.

During the Homily, the priest was talking about how God will is what we need to focus on. I sort of smiled, thinking of how arabs, before they even speak of the future, they always say, "Inshallah." Which translates to God Willing. Soo... I will be okay, Inshallah.

As I was going to take the Eucharist (Communion for my Protestant friends..) the choir sang, "Do Not Be Afraid" and all I could think was - THAT'S IT. That's God's message to me this week.

So, my friends.. I will NOT be afraid. This too shall pass. I will concentrate on Jesus and God and not look at the choppy waters around me, and you better believe, I feel like I am in the eye of the Hurricane... it seems calm.. but I know I am surrounded on all sides. Maybe with trusting God to be on my side, I can weather this storm.

Inshallah.

I will leave you with a YouTube version of the song. The lyrics speak volumes.

I finally had a moment

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose your own. ~Harry S Truman

I will begin by saying I awoke feeling still a bit tired, but over all a little more rested. See, I finally had a moment last night.

After the egyptian left to go see friends, I started feeling a little tense. So I decided to make tacos and watch one of my Netflix movies that came in the mail. As I was watching "Zodiac," I noticed my muscles were tensing up.. and I felt like I could not breathe, so I went into the closet and pulled out the Homedics Shiatsu massage chair thing. It's like a massage chair, but you actually put it on your chair, works the same. Luckily it worked out the tension in my back, and I began to relax a little.

But I still could not "breathe." You know the kind, it's just an effort - you are so tense, so I decided to pop a Perogesic (OTC med that helps with pain, but makes you sleepy.) Then I went into my room, and FINALLY the tears came. But I was not crying because I can't work at the place I used to anymore. I was crying because, well.. let's be honest.. I started feeling like a failure.

I sat at my desk in my bedroom, it's an old antique desk that I have had since I was a little girl. I just lay my head down, my room was dark, all except for this little Scentsy Warmer.. and I just prayed.

I asked God to give me the strength to get through all of this, because I did not know if I could. I asked for forgiveness for anything I had done that would cause me to be in the position. I asked him to heal the egyptian... b/c right now he is acting like my enemy. I begged for some sort of validation, that I am going to be okay.

I just had a moment.  The hardest part - I just felt so alone. I refuse to show this side of myself to anyone I know... so I had to endure it, alone.

I cried, and felt sorry for myself. I allowed myself to feel vulnerable. I gave myself permission to feel a sense of loss. Then I got a heating pad, put it on my back, and just watched a little TV. Finally, I was sleepy enough.. and I went to bed.

I just woke up about 30 minutes ago, fixed a pot of coffee, and decided to get my feelings out.

I know I am going to be okay, but MAJOR TRANSITIONING is about to take place, and I had to face my feelings and my fears. Some people clam up.. I have to purge. So thank you for allowing me an outlet to do so.

You take my life when you do take the means whereby I live.

  ~William Shakespeare

Have you ever lost a job? Been fired? How did you cope?

Action is Eloquence - William Shakespeare

"Nothing diminishes anxiety faster than action."

  ~Walter Anderson, The Confidence Course, 1997

Oh how I wish I could blink my eyes like Jeanie in "I Dream of Jeanie" and just make everything better.  Alas, it doesn't work that way.

I am staying super positive considering the events in the past (almost 48 hours.) I stayed on task yesterday, knocking out my little "to-do" list, attempting to be the "supportive wife" (lot of good that does) - and just breathing.

I was doing fine until I decided to FINALLY check out the unemployment site. I will receive (if approved) at max of $265 a week. To say that is significantly less than what I made would be an understatement.

Translation - either find a job no later than late September, or move (somewhere) or go homeless.

I just laughed, but the truth is, those are my only options.

I talked to my parents, and believe it or not, they were sympathetic. Of course, they both agree that  someone needs to step up to the plate and take a little more responsibility than they have in the past. ;-)

I am not down. Please know that. Surprisingly I am an auto-pilot, laughing and smiling when I can. I made a long list of things I have to do this next week. It sort of gives me a sense of accomplishment. I thought I would share them with you!

Nicole's "Get It Together" to-do list:
1.  God first. I have no excuse now. I need to spend time reading the Bible, finding inspiration, and turning this over to God. In turn, I felt inspired to make this list. ;-)

2. Call the HR Director at my former job and find out when and how this severance thing works.

3. Apply for unemployment. :-(

4. Make payment arrangements with a certain Power Company. ;-)

5. Double check that I cancelled my gym membership properly (online.)

6. Meet with the Assistant News Director at the TV station I mentioned before. Just check out the possibilities.. and make a new contact all at the same time!

7. I promised to take a friend to the Train station.  (Keep my promises.)

8. Apply for whatever thing is available with my student loans to stop payment for a while.

9. Make sure all of my prescriptions are uptodate, before insurance runs out.

10. Put my Dining room suite up for sell. It's big, it's nice, and I have no choice.

11. Possibly sell the twin/guest bed.

12. Check out Angel Food Ministries. You can purchase low cost boxes of food to sustain a family of 4 for at least a couple of weeks. I figure, if nothing pulls through, may be my only choice for September. (see - thinking ahead!)

13. Use that Ross Bridge Spa gift certificate I was giving for my birthday. I think a hair cut or massage would be nice.  It's for $75 and I think it may be just what I need to feel like my old self again.

14. I am going to organize my closets (again) - but this time, truly downsize, especially if I end up having to move... somewhere.

15. Maybe download some of my cds to my laptop, and try to sell them at Coconuts. (They buy used cds.)

16. Same with the DVDs  - just sell them.

17. I did organize my bills - so I feel good about that.

18. I will make looking for a job, my job. I will check Monster, Careerbuilder, and Idealist.org daily. I will shoot out resumes, and track them each day.

19. Update my resume to include more social media.

20. NOW I finally have to time to study Arabic.

21. I have no excuse not to exercise for at least 1 hour each day (here at home.)

22. I went ahead and stocked up on some groceries to get me through the month. NO EATING OUT. NO EXTRA COFFEE FROM STARBUCKS.

23. I will research freelance writing options, just to pull some money in on the side. Luckily I have some contacts in town.

24. I will finally finish books that have been sitting on my desk for months collecting dust.

25. Finally, I will get to do those things, internal things, that I have needed to do for quite some time. Like focus on me. Focus on my family. Focus on my husband. Focus on my future.

The first step binds one to the second. ~French Proverb