Monday, October 8, 2012

Fool For Love

I've kept (sort of) quiet about my personal life these days.

It's safe to say - things have been less than perfect. Actually, that's an understatement, things have been horrible. Worse than horrible - terrible/devastating/cruel/ridiculous...

Whatever the proper word is... my relationship with the absolute love of my life has suffered.

But damn.. we had so many things stacked against us in the first place.

For the past couple of months, I have tried everything, finally just deciding, "Fine.. I suppose it's the end."

I even took steps to just walk away.. end it all.. and just move on., but each time I tried, a door would slam in my face. I simply could not understand it: my relationship was falling apart at the seams, yet when I tried to remove myself from the situation, nothing was working out.

Then I happened to open one of my journals, out fell a book of prayers called "Healing Prayers." I bought this little book back at the Monastery I stayvisited in Cullman, Alabama. I decided to just pray. Except this time - I prayed for him. I prayed one of those heart wrenching, with-all-my-might prayers. The kind that ask for healing: healing of our relationship, healing of our hearts, healing of our families.. just for us to be able to move on and find happiness.

I sent one final letter to him. (Yes, we had gotten to that point.) This time I did not nag, or place the blame, or threaten.. I just said that I loved him. I loved us. I apologized for things not working out the way we had once hoped. I told him that I chose him, but in the end, I had to choose me. We gave it a good try. I thanked him for allowing me to be vulnerable and showing me the most amazing experience in Egypt. Then I honestly let it go.

I woke up Sunday morning and something changed. We talked. We held each other. We talked some more. There were apologies and there was love. Honest love. The love I remembered... not so long ago. The love that had changed me to the core.

The ice had melted. The sun was shining. The peace, the passion and the pleasantries had returned.

I had my egyptian back.

There is no reason to go into great detail, because the truth is - from this point forward, what happens in my home is between my husband and I. I made some pretty stupid mistakes, sharing too much and honestly.. it caused a lot of problems. Those days are over. I wanted to close that chapter right here. For good.

The best news of all - Love does conquer all. Prayers can be answered. Miracles do exist.

For those of you who have followed my love story from the beginning (back in the immigration days,) just know that all is well in the kingdom. Thank you for your prayers, your support, and your kind emails.

Until next time..


Robyn Burke said...

this is indeed beautiful news. I rejoice with you.

SharleneT said...

I'm so happy for you, Nicole. Here's wishing you many more years with the love of your life.


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