By no fault of her own, my roomie said something last night that I wish every woman would quit saying...
"You have a strong personality."
No, we were not arguing. We were discussing relationships with men and personality traits. I was sharing with her that my newest "love" interest (Big Guy,) made a comment about me trying to be the "man" in the relationship. Uh yeah.
Not the first time I have heard that.
Then my roomie gave me the "kiss of death" (as I like to call it..)
Here's what I have to say:
Women, stop telling other women (especially those that carry themselves with confidence,) that we have a strong personality.
That's a girl on girl crime, if you ask me.
Alluding to women who are confident, having an opinion, are full of knowledge, knowing what they want and knowing how to get it, and are NOT afraid to say NO... are often categorized as women trying to be men or having a "strong" personality.
Earlier that same day, I was chatting with a guy I spent some time with (dating/friends.. whatever,) anyway.. and I told him what had happened. He said to me, "Nicole, you never made me feel like you were trying to be controlling, or hateful, or were trying to be a "man." That's all coming from a place of insecurity when someone says something like that."
You're are damn straight.
A confident person would not see a "strong woman" as a bad thing. I have an education, I have experience, I am over 40, I can take care of me... this is NOT a bad thing.
Granted, there may be another situation where there is a lack of balance in the relationship. I am more educated (than all of the people I mentioned in this.) I have more success from a career standpoint. I have experienced love and loss and I won't settle for less than what I deserve. Perhaps that can be intimidating... but that is not necessarily a bad thing.
The good news is, I chatted with Big Guy and it basically boiled down to what I thought, he feels a little bit like a fish out of water in my world. He's a blue collar worker, and does quite well for himself, but he is not used to the pressure and stress of the politics of my world. That's okay. It's not every one's cup of tea. Hell, that's 75% of the reason I enjoy his company, it's refreshing to be in his world. Much. More. Simple.
Striking a balance, accepting who I am and not being ashamed of any success I have earned is something I need to work on in the New Year. (I was even hesitant to type success, afraid it may turn people off... where does this come from??)
I don't like it. I think we should be able to celebrate who we are and everything we have accomplished.
**Nicole steps down off her soap box.**