Thursday, December 19, 2013

Because this is what it was for

Disclaimer: I'm in a bad mood. Writing it out is how I feel better. Period.

It seems that my "good mood" luck has apparently dwindled down. I am surrounded by a lot of "dramatic" people, and unfortunately it's beginning to take its toll.

So what do I do? Instead of some obscure FB post or Tweet, I'm just going to pound it out on the keyboard and just get out what I want to say.

Then let it all go.

Because that's what those of us who write do.

First of all, two people that I spend most of my time with are going through massive transitions. They are both edgy and vulnerable and unfortunately it affects their attitude and ability to cope. One has some legal issues, the other is trying to rebuild his life. I care a lot about both, but their inability to not "flip out" from time to time, or their constant obsession with their problems, it's all really just too much for me to handle right now. I have worked very hard to build this drama-free protective bubble, and unfortunately, one of them started to let the air out of it.. and I am feeling the residual effects.

This too shall pass.. but for me, it's all just so incredibly unnecessary. Nothing I say or do can make their situations better. Yet I represent a sounding board to them. Lord. Have. Mercy.

Then there is the pressure to finish up a really big project at work. This is normal, but it's important, and when outside influences from my personal life try to distract me, it makes it extra hard to problem solve.

Then there is the sick kitty. He seems to continue to get these upper respiratory infections, and it has me worried. I'm doing everything the vet says. :-(

Then there is the whole.. "Oh you handle media relations and marketing? Maybe you can help me with....?" Uh... yeah.. and maybe you could pay me. (This coming from random people.)

Housework. I never seem to be able to get it all done.

Family? Who has time to visit?

Finally, there is the good stuff. Some really, REALLY good stuff that has happened in my life. I just wish for once I could get some validation from someone.. anyone. I know it's silly, but at the end of the day, we all just want to hear that we did a good job. For whatever reason, I rarely hear that from anyone in my life. Maybe it's the people I choose to surround myself with... who knows. But I have literally rebuilt my life... from ZERO. Not even so much as a, "I'm proud of you," from anyone. I know.. ridiculous I would even say something like this. Me? I know I seem so flipping confident sometimes, but you know what, I need to hear good stuff too. 

Maybe it's this time of year. Maybe it's transitioning and trying to be all things to all people I care about. Maybe it's being surrounded by pretentious jerks throughout my week... (don't get me started on the scene around here.) Maybe it's realizing that ... oh.. never mind, those people may actually read this stuff. Who knows....


I just needed to vent for a minute. To no one. To some one. Who cares... right?


Hoosier Chick said...

I care! I hope things even out soon. I'm proud of you for everything you've done in the last 18 months. It's a hell of a lot to go through and you came out smelling like roses! Misses and kisses!

Kathy Rosenbaum said...

So glad YOU'RE not one of those dramatic personalities! Lol!
Big hugs, deep breaths & a glass of wine, my love...


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