I've Got A Vent... What's New?

By no fault of her own, my roomie said something last night that I wish every woman would quit saying...

"You have a strong personality."

No, we were not arguing. We were discussing relationships with men and personality traits. I was sharing with her that my newest "love" interest (Big Guy,) made a comment about me trying to be the "man" in the relationship. Uh yeah.

Not the first time I have heard that.

Then my roomie gave me the "kiss of death" (as I like to call it..) 

Here's what I have to say:

Women, stop telling other women (especially those that carry themselves with confidence,) that we have a strong personality. 

That's a girl on girl crime, if you ask me.

Alluding to women who are confident, having an opinion, are full of knowledge, knowing what they want and knowing how to get it, and are NOT afraid to say NO... are often categorized as women trying to be men or having a "strong" personality.

Earlier that same day, I was chatting with a guy I spent some time with (dating/friends.. whatever,) anyway.. and I told him what had happened. He said to me, "Nicole, you never made me feel like you were trying to be controlling, or hateful, or were trying to be a "man." That's all coming from a place of insecurity when someone says something like that."

Huh.

You're are damn straight.

A confident person would not see a "strong woman" as a bad thing. I have an education, I have experience, I am over 40, I can take care of me... this is NOT a bad thing. 

Granted, there may be another situation where there is a lack of balance in the relationship. I am more educated (than all of the people I mentioned in this.) I have more success from a career standpoint. I have experienced love and loss and I won't settle for less than what I deserve. Perhaps that can be intimidating... but that is not necessarily a bad thing.

The good news is, I chatted with Big Guy and it basically boiled down to what I thought, he feels a little bit like a fish out of water in my world. He's a blue collar worker, and does quite well for himself, but he is not used to the pressure and stress of the politics of my world. That's okay. It's not every one's cup of tea. Hell, that's 75% of the reason I enjoy his company, it's refreshing to be in his world. Much. More. Simple.

Striking a balance, accepting who I am and not being ashamed of any success I have earned is something I need to work on in the New Year. (I was even hesitant to type success, afraid it may turn people off... where does this come from??) 

I don't like it. I think we should be able to celebrate who we are and everything we have accomplished. 

**Nicole steps down off her soap box.**

Complication

"A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon."~Arnold Haultain

While watching the Golden Globes (and adoring the beautiful dresses and snide remarks from the actors) I got to thinking about how complicated it is to be a woman.

Just one month from today, I will be celebrating my 38th birthday. As with all things "new" (like New Year and another Birthday) I try to take a moment and think about how far I have come and where I would like to be by the next celebratory event.

When I stop to take stock, and remember all of the moments that took place up until this evening - I realize just how complicated life can be, and how much more we all must endure.

Now, I don't want to single out only the ladies that read my blog, because I actually have several male followers. But I do want to bring up the fact how complicated a woman's life is in this day and age, and in this part of the world. I think I became more aware as I entered another world - my husband's world of the middle east.

Women over there are encouraged to be quiet and virtuous, but go to college and fill your brain with knowledge from the world's leading professors. Then it is your family's duty to help you pick out a suitable husband. A match is made, the engagement happens - then you marry, stay home and immediately start having children... preferably boys.

Now, let's take my "world." I am encouraged to be creative and express myself, and to go to college and "find myself" as well as pick up a degree, get an amazing job and date around as much as possible. Then perhaps, in your mid - late 20s (maybe even early 30s) get married (someone you chose yourself), either have kids or not (does not matter) or have a career.. better yet - juggle both.

Imagine when those two worlds collide. Imagine, picking the career over the kids. Imagine having this ingrained ability to express yourself (and often)... however you have married someone expecting the first female description.

I often wonder how some of the women from my husband's culture are able to accept the role that was chosen for them. I have so many choices (which complicates things even more.) Even here - depending on where you live, there are different expectations. However, for men, it is always the same - Get educated, find a good girl, get married, provide.

Either way.. they don't get a choice in the matter (unless, of course the male chooses an alternative lifestyle.)

Then for women, the added complications of all of those damned bodily functions. OMG. Seriously? We are the ones who go through all of these changes (and frequently) and are expected to give birth. Men? No worries.

Being a female is complicated. Sooo complicated. What do you think is the hardest part about being a woman?