|Laura Rowe Photography|
Especially if I love that person.
Here's the deal - marriage/relationships/love - it's all very messy. If you say it isn't, then good for you. But I would challenge you to ask yourself one question, "Have you been honest with your wants and needs?"
One of my best attributes, as well as one of my worst has always been that I pretty much knew what I wanted in my life. Which is great for making solitary decisions. When it comes to sharing your life with another, you enter a whole new arena of compromise. Perhaps the other person's idea of the future is not the same as yours.. then what? Who is going to give?
I believe that if you love someone, the most important thing is to be together. Truly try to find some sort of common ground. It could be as simple as deciding on a restaurant to have dinner, or picking the film you want to see, or where to stay while on vacation. Or it could be as difficult as whether or not you want children, or whether or not you will live in this country, or even if you allow someone else to pursue their dreams.
I have been considering all of those items for the past week. Even more so since my last call with my husband. Here's the thing, we lived in Birmingham because that's where my job was. It was a good job. Then it ended. I have been working in my field for quite some time, and I don't believe I have done anything that is over-the-top fabulous.
The egyptian, on the other hand, is 8 years younger. He is just at the cusp of making his dreams come true. He sacrificed his family, his friends, and everything familiar to be with me. It was tough. Still is. The question I have to ask myself is - do I stand by his side and help him reach his goals, or do I keep chasing after mine?
The beauty of a possible answer is that we agree on some very key factors:
1. We want to live in a dynamic city.
2. We both want to achieve our financial & career dreams.
3. We both want to work in our respective fields.
4. We don't want children.
5. We don't necessarily care about owning a house/etc. We want to be able to go when we are ready to go.
6. We both want to travel the world. Not the tourist trap world - but live with the locals type of world.
Where we need a little help:
1. Not turning a disagreement on plans into World War Three.
2. Not allowing our religious differences cause us to point the finger at the other.
3. Disagreeing about having pets.
4. He is frugal - I like to shop.
5. Completely different eating times & ideas of what breakfast/lunch/dinner looks like
6. Amount of time we should spend together.
7. Learning to speak with kindess. We both have fiery tongues.
8. We both jump to conclusions without patiently processing information.
9. Apologizing more.
10. Show each other more respect.
We had a good talk tonight. It was by phone. I can tell he is growing impatient,and is ready to get our normal lives back. Back before the stress of job loss and financial issues. Now that he is driving, and almost done with immigration, it would be a perfect time for us to have our own home, decent financial opportunities, mutual friends.. and just a new life.
BTW - I choose to have it with him.
Sure, things got waaaaaaaay out of hand. You guys have no idea. (No, it's not as bad as it seems... but I did stop it before it could have gone anywhere it did not need to go.)
But at the end of the day - I choose love.
After our talk, he seems to feel the same. We both want to go back to the happier days in Egypt. The ways things were. The closeness of the days of chatting with one another for 5 hours at a time, 2 hour phone conversations, and the rest. Most of the pieces are slowly coming together. We just need to put them in place.
But we both agree we need to move with respectful caution. Slowly, but surely.
We both pray for a better tomorrow. Yet we find ourselves here.
I am so glad we are not giving up. :-) Let the healing begin!