Saturday, October 1, 2011

Let the sunshine in

I think I need to really tap into that higher power this weekend. I am feeling a massive sense of loss and fear. It's fleeting, but still - it's here.

I have made a point to keep myself busy during this transitional period. That "transition" I am always talking about is more than just theoretical, this time - it's in the form of action.

Every time I walk past my sun room, memories come flooding in. I remember when I first saw this apartment, and I could not believe the fabulous view I had, or how the sun just trickled through the sky lights. The first few nights here, I would simply lay on the day bed and watch the stars.

Or how in the summer time, when there is a full moon, how it shined so brightly through those little windows...

I even remember when the egyptian first arrived here, and one afternoon, I came in from work and there he was, sitting on the day bed, looking out at the trees. He had this huge smile on his face, and he lit up even more when I walked in. He asked me to come to the sun room, and sit with him - he was amazed at how different the landscape looked here, compared to Egypt. We just sat there, and he held me as we just basked in the warm sunlight, and the newness of being together.

I remember my dear little niece sitting on the daybed coloring away on a cold December day. Heck, how many times have I curled up close to the window, soaking in the sun and napping the day away.

How about the hours I would spend sitting in that room, chatting online with my egyptian, as he waited patiently in Alexandria for his VISA.

Most importantly, how many mornings I started out, right here, on this blog, sitting in my pajamas, propped up on my zebra pillow, sipping my morning coffee, and writing whatever that view, that feeling, that magnificent room would give me.

The memories....

They just keep flooding in...


Maeve Frazier said...

Hi Nicole - I can sense the emotions you are going through with your posts. Know that you have such a support system out here and we are holding our hands out for you and have a shoulder for you to lean on when you need it. Take it one step at a time, share with us your thoughts, even if it is just a *sigh*.

Because you are sharing with us what you are going through and you have so many that do care about you - I want to let you know that I have a blog award for you on my blog. It is - 'Blog On Fire Award'. Stop by when you have a chance to pick it up.

Keep going! Little, shaky steps at first, they get stronger as you go along. - Maeve

Anastasia said...

I don't know the whole back story, but transitions are hard no matter what. I hope you find the strength to handle it.

DearHelenHartman said...

Lifting me up in my thoughts right this minute. It's a difficult time but you will rise above it.


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