Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Pain of Health

Lord knows I am trying my best (well, as good as I want to try) to get healthier. But why does it have to hurt so bad?

When did I let myself get to this point? More importantly, how did I do it?

I was a very active, healthy kid. From the age of 6 I took ballet, tap and jazz classes all the way through my formative years. I spent summers swimming for hours a day. I took tennis lessons, skating lessons, and went hiking as a child at summer camp. I rode my bike everyday. I walked around a lake path most days to see friends.

My parents did not allow me to eat junk food. Seriously, no chips or ice cream in the house. No soda. Basic three square meals a day. What the hell happened?

I know that when I started dating this boy in High School, he would give in and buy me my absolute favorite treat - Krystal Cheeseburgars. I think I began eating those my senior year in high school. (Which might I add, is when I started gaining a little weight - like 5 to 10 pounds.)

I went off to college and walked everywhere. I ended up losing those pounds. But something happened by the age of 20. I began drinking lots and lots of beer with my friends. We would drink Wed, Thurs, Fri, and Sat nights. Party Party at the college bars.

By 23 I had put on about 20 pounds. PLUS - I was living on my own, not exercising and eating crap. Ramen noodles, mac n cheese, baked potatoes, bags of chips, fried concoctions at the bar we all went to. Basically Crap.

By 24 - my weight jumped even higher. My blood pressure was high. I started taking meds for it - which slooooowed me down. Made me sleepy, sluggish. Which I wonder- how much of that slowed my metabolism down? Is that possible? If it is slowing my heart... why would it not slow the rest of me down??

By 27 - I was in a super committed relationship to a man who loved good old fashioned southern cooking. Plus marriage. BOOM - more pounds. I guess I am either happy to say or disappointed to say that I have remained the same exact weight for 10 years. At least there has not been an increase. I guess this is my "heaviest" without even trying to do anything about it.

I have gone through stents of exercise, and I even gave Weight Watchers a try once. I was not so serious about it. It is rare I follow through on "life style" change.

However, this time has been a little different. I began making a change with my diet back in November. Not diet as in I am on a diet - but I am making healthier choices. Not always. But more often than not. As for exercise - well.. most of you know that I am now using a personal trainer. It's good for me. Because they are forcing me to really work hard. I woke up this morning and my body aches. That to me says several things - 1. I had a good work out  2. I am out of shape 3. I can't believe I am going back for my abuse tonight. ;-)

I am not a fan of traditional exercise. Nope. I prefer dance classes or something fun and with music. This is yucky to me. But soooo necessary.

I was blessed to live most of my young life at a normal if not optimal weight. I did let my body slip in my late 20s to late 30s. But 10 years is completely reversable. I don't have the excuse of I had a child or two, or that I am too busy because I have kids. I don't have the excuse that I have a pet, or aging parents to get home to. This is it. It's me. I have got to make the change.

I don't think it will come off over night. I did not gain it over night. So, I need to stay focused on that. I am also 37 - the old metabolism is not what it used to be. Also I am 5'1. That's a small frame - time to see that frame!

I have to lose 20% body fat. I can do. I know I can.


Leanne said...

Augh! Nicole, reading your post was like reading something I could have written myself. I struggle . . . every second of the day. It sucks. But, I join you in the healthy life plan. I'm "trying" to live a healthier life right now. I haven't told anyone, because most of the people I would tell would probably roll their eyes. But I hear you, and I just want you to know that you are NOT alone. Be strong! And YES! WE CAN DO IT!

Nicole said...

Leanne - thank you so much! I woke up today SORE from the work out last night. But .. I did it!


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