Friday, April 9, 2010

There were some good times... but there were some SCARY times..

I have to admit, there have been a few times in my life where I was a scared little monkey.

I am talking about, your heart drops to your stomach followed by it racing so fast you think it is going to literally pop out of your chest.

Another thing I tend to do when I am "scared" is vomit. I know that is a pleasent image - but if I am truly upset, and completely freaked out - I will lose my cookies.

Today I am going to share some of my scariest memories. I am going to try to go as far back as possible to see if I can capture the "oooh nooo" moments. I bet some of you can relate to my list. I would also love to hear about some of your "scary" moments. Now.... here... we... go... *cringe*

1. One day I went with my dad to work. I am not sure if it was because he wanted to show me what he did, or perhaps mom had to be some where. Clearly this is before my sister was born, so I am going to say I was 3 or 4. We were at Piggle Wiggly in Bloomfield, he was a milkman for Borden, and he had to go to the back to load up some milk. He asked me to stand next to the meat section and wait for him there. (I assume he mentioned something to the lady behind the counter.) I stood there maybe 5 minutes, and suddenly freaked out. I thought he left me alone and I was SCARED. I still remember how I felt. I started crying. Needless to say - he came out and was angry I got upset. lol (Uh.. does this count as daddy issues? lol)

2. My parents were the youth leaders at our church. One Halloween the church put on a carnival and had a "haunted house" in the nursury. One of the teens were able to snag a coffin from a funeral home. They used it for "dracula." Well- after the event, the teens thought it would be funny to put the 4 year old in the coffin and turn out the lights. Needless to say I freaked out! The kids got in trouble, and I was traumatized. (I wonder if this is where I got my original fear of death??)

3. When I was in kindergarden, I remember our class was going to spend the night at another kindergarden center for fun. We loaded up in the van and made it to the other location. BUT - I was sitting in the back, the other kids poured out - then suddenly the door was slammed shut. I could not get it open. Everyone was inside. I was pulling and pulling on the door. I was freaked out! (I was 4) I sat out there for probably 30 minutes, locked in the van and terrified. I remember it was hot! Luckily I went to the front and figured out how to unlock the van - then crawled out and ran inside. (Man oh man - those idiot teachers should have gotten in a whole lot of trouble for that one.)

4. When I was 8 I experienced my first panic attack. I was at Westgate mall, with my great grandmother. We were walking through the center looking at a doll show of sorts. I was holding her hand, and suddenly I felt numb, dizzy and like I could not breathe. We did not know what that was back then, so she told me to eat something, maybe I was hungry. LOL  (PS - I have suffered from panic attacks ever since!)

5. Crystal Lake Bullies - I think I have told this story before, but in the 5th grade there was a standoff - between my sister and I against the two biggest bullies in the whole complex. Mean little white trash girls. Guess what?? It worked out just fine, and I learned a very valuable lesson. (Class = Sass)

6. Union School Duran Duran Stand off - 6th grade, each of my little friends and I came up with nicknames based on Duran Duran songs. (Don't laugh.) I picked RIO - but, an older sister of one of the girls literally went by the name RIO at school. She wanted to literally have a standoff over the name. I was terrorized by these "mean girls" for a couple of weeks - finally, the big day came - and NOTHING. (another lesson learned.)

7. Middle School - Geez, I think there was a series of 5 years where some girls were just bullies! I ended up at a different middle school than my friends in elementary school. (They were headed for Central High School, we moved - I was headed for Southwest High School.) Big difference at the new school - I met soooo many kids that came from broken homes, no official parental control, etc. Needless to say - these sad little kids were growing up to be mean little kids. It was a bit frightening to see how low-class and angry some of them were. There was one girl - Lori - that decided to threatened random people. It was like she would pick one girl and terrorize her for one week. For the record - I never met her - but apparently she wanted me gone. lol

8. High School - First day of high school - at the BIG southwest - we had 5 or more buildings spread out all over the place. CRAZY! That first day was confusing and scary - all rolled into one.

9. Driver's Licence - Taking the test. I remember this blond woman with really teased hair that worked at the DMV. She looked FIERCE. I prayed I would not get her. Guess what - I did. Booo... I was sooooo frightened. But I passed!

10. Driving a Manual - I got the bright idea at 17 to buy my own car and drive it home. (Without parental permission.) I did - and the car was a manual - and I had no idea how to change gears. By the time I made it the 5 miles home - I knew how to drive it. But i was terrified all the way home!!

11. Driving alone from college late one night - I hated driving long distances alone years ago. In college, I once drove home from Milledgeville to Macon and my old car was sputtering. I was paranoid I would be stuck on the side of the highway and someone would rape and kill me. LOL

12. The lump - at the age of 22 or so, I found a lump in my breast. I was terrified. I made an appointment to see a gyno and I had a mammogram. Luckily it turned out to be fibrocysitc - and caused by caffeine. But for a brief moment in time - I was faced with something a bit scary.

13. The killing of the car - killing my mom's eclipse in a car accident in my 20s. I was rounding a corner, the tires hit some gravel and I hydroplaned into a ditch. I had a choice - hit a tree head on or try to jump the ditch. Needless to say - the car died. But I survived!

14. Losing my friend to a car - my dearest guy friend died in a horrific auto accident.

15. The call. The cells. - about 2 months before I got married (in 2000) , my doc called me after my regular exam. Turned out the cells in the nether region were pre-cancerous.

16. Surgury one. - Cryptherapy. In office. No meds. PAIN. PS - it did not work.

17. Surgury two - Leep/Cone Biopsy. Out patient. Not asleep. PS - it did not work.

18. Three - and final - Hysterectomy. Cells are cancerous. Removed body parts. Worked for two years.. then...

19. Chemo - what???? - came back but in another form (cancerous cells on the skin.) Given topical chemo ointment (was not even aware there was such a thing) and all is well.

20. The Move/Hospital - packed up my life, moved to another state. Five days later was laying in a hospital bed and told i have meningitus. I was not aware there was any other kind by the lethal one. I started crying. Thinking I would die. ;-)

22. Fly me to the moon - Flying across the big blue ocean alone to a far away land (in the Middle East) and throwing caution to the wind!

24. Airport/Stroke - sitting in an airport in Dallas, finding out my dad may have had a stroke. (Luckily he did not.. but felt helpless.)

25. Where is he? The Big Arrival - Waiting for the egyptian to arrive from Egypt - heart beating wildly... everyone exits the plane, he is no where to be found. Waited .. 30 minutes more - he rounds the corner. I thought my heart would explode.

26. Review - the end - during hard times, wondering if my job was safe. Waiting for the ax to fall.

27. Testing Testing Testing - Checking on items like a tumor on my adrenal gland or stenosis of my artery near my kidney.

28. Laying it out on the line - and taking the heat - This blog. Everytime I write. I lay it on the line. Sometimes I am still sooo far away from saying everything I want to.

The good news is - these little tid bits are so tiny in the grand scheme of things. I know as the issues got bigger .. I said less and less about them. That tells me there are still stories to work through, and issues I am not comfortable discussing.

The good news  - I am still here to tell the story. What are some of your scary moments???


Anonymous said...

You know what makes me sick? Calling people I don't know. My heart gets all racy. It's pretty bad.

Anonymous said...

Also, sorry about the cancer and all that's involved. That's dreadful. I can only imagine.

Nicole said...

Thanks.. yeah.. it's over. Life is good!


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