I'm still processing.
Processing all of the good.
My birthday was hands down a reminder how much I might actually matter to some people.
Weird to see that sentence from someone?
I know... I know.
The truth is, we all have things we think, never mind how irrational they may be.
It sort of hit me over the past couple of days how special the friendships I have made over the years are to me.
On a few occasions, one of my friends on the trip said, "Nicole, I can't believe how many of your friends you were able to get to come on this trip. My friend, this speaks volumes." I sort of laughed it off, and just made a little joke about how easy it is to get people to travel when you are going somewhere like Savannah, but then again... it was an expensive trip for most of us.
Then at another time, one of my friends said, "This says so much about you as a person, Nicole. Look around you."
I saw family that drove 11 hours or so down from Ohio. I saw one of my oldest friends pull out her credit card and stopped me from paying for my room, just to take that extra burden off of me so that I could just relax and have fun. I saw friend after friend pull out incredibly thoughtful presents.. and how each one were like, "So what do YOU want to do next?"
I got home.. and saw a surprise bag of goodies waiting on me from my sister. Then, of all things, the egyptian calls me this morning and says, "Nicole, in about three weeks, you will be receiving a delivery - it's a new bed and mattress set."
Yeah.. I was floored.
I asked why?
He said, "Because it's your birthday... and for other stuff."
Tonight, as I left a meeting to meet an old friend for dinner it hit me.. maybe I am lovable. Maybe my friendship is not just a superficial acquaintance for some. Maybe people do view me as kind. Maybe... I mean more to others than I originally thought.
The truth is.. though you see me surrounded by people most of the time, I always feel incredibly alone. I always have. It's just how I see my life.
My perception is a little off.
I actually feel really lucky to have this life. Thanks be to God.