My name is Nicole, and I tend to put too much pressure on myself.
I said it.
I want everything to be perfect.
But I'm too tired to do anything about it.
Except at work.
I'm obsessive and highly competitive at work. I like to pretend I am not - but I am.
This is a good thing for my supervisors and a bad thing for my significant other. Hell, it's bad for my closest friends, because somewhere within me there is this incredible desire to achieve on such a high level, that it totally blows my mind when I am friends with people who strive for mediocre. I used to set these high expectations, not just for myself, but for everyone I allowed in my life. Luckily, I sort of broke free of that bad habit.
Now that I am back home and moving at a MUCH slower pace, I can breathe a little and just be.
My question is - am I the only one?
Raise your hand if you suffer from this?
Uh... I do.
I want to break this pattern... and I will tell you why. I think the main reason so many of us remain hypercritical and as if life is one great big game that we have to win is out of our fear that if we were to behave more calmly or peaceful, we might stop achieving our goals and seem lazy and apathetic...
It all goes back to the glorification of being busy.
I just hate that.
Now I push - push - push in my professional life, but I always make time for me. I do think I do a pretty good job of achieving a healthy work/life balance, but I do have a ball in my court on that one - no kids. But even if I had kids, I know that it is incredibly important to be able to show your children that as an adult, it is important to be well rounded. I often worry that many of my friends and family members lose themselves in the "parent" role and sort of blend into this non-descript identity.
But when it comes to work - all bets are off.
Recently, I came to realize that fearful, frantic thinking (the go-go-go mentality) takes an enormous amount of energy and drains the creativity and motivation from me. I find that I freeze up, with the inability to see things from a fresh perspective - and what good does that do anyone?