I am finding myself in a bit of a mid-life crisis.
Oh snap! I said it.
Then it must be true.
I'm 40. (I know you know this.) I have a formal education. I have a great job. I have a home I can afford alone. I have responsibilities that make me look like a true grown up. But... and here it comes... BUT - I am a bit wishy washy these days.
I'm not sure if it's the whole.. well... it is what it is attitude I have adopted over the past five years, or if I am seriously standing at a cross roads. I'm just not quite certain what's going on.
I sort of have a bit of the "it's time to shake things up a bit" mood floating... but I am sure that is just because the dust is settling from the divorce. What I am left with is this big empty spot in my life where I used to fill with me devoting 98% of my energy to trying to make my marriage work. The other 2% was eating and sleeping.
Since the big black hole appeared I have gone on several dates with about five different people. I suppose I have tried to find someone to just enjoy time with. In the mean time, I have developed several great friendships, one slight love affair, and not a whole lot of anything else. Just time fillers... mixed in with a bit of friendship. Nothing life altering to make we want to nest and change my last name again... just... time fillers.
I sort of quit trying to do those things I said I would do now. I need to finish that damned Rosetta Stone course in French I was working so hard on. I need to carry my big behind back to the gym. I need to actually go visit some friends and family... since NOW, I actually have the time. But still.. I don't seem to be doing anything. I'm in a bit of a funk. Hell.. I have not been able to write a decent blog post in weeks.
However, something sort of profound happened today. I stumbled upon an article that sort of sent sparks flying in my cold little heart again - One Question That Could Change Your Life For The Better was the name of the article. If you have a second, go read it. It's incredible. It reminded me that it's all about BALANCE...
Which sounds easier than it actually is- we all know that. I typically get up, go to work, come home, and crash on the couch. I either talk on the phone, text, chat, watch tv.. then head to bed. OR.. I take it to a whole other level with events and dinners and what not. But all of those things I say I want to do.. I never get around to them.
This article recommends I get up earlier. Maybe even as early as 4am. If I did that, I would have four uninterrupted hours of quiet. I would be awake, I could do things - no worries from phone calls, or friends, or events.. I could get so much done. THEN I would go to work, and when I came home - sure, I'd be tired - but I would have been tired anyway. The difference is, I would have actually done the things I said I wanted to do, and therefore, created the life I wanted.
Done and done.
It's a thought.
As for the title of this post.. let me explain:
Fried Chicken - I'm celebrating one year with my Downtown Macon Rotary Club. That's 52 weeks of fried chicken lunches and one year of sitting shoulder to shoulder with true leaders in our community.
Broken Promises - I have an opportunity to spend some time with someone I like a whole lot. We have a wonderful connection. However, he is involved with someone else. I just don't know if my karma card can handle that. (Don't worry - he's not married.) Red flags all around.
Day Trips - So excited to spend Sunday in Savannah with some awesome people. I love the new friends I have made and the old ones I have reacquainted myself with. It's good. It will fill my soul up.
My question to you - how do you balance everything?