I want to be here.

*sigh*

What I would do to go back to the days of pampering!

Seriously, I used to schedule massages twice a month (every two weeks), I would attend random little "new agey" workshops - trying to learn a little meditation. I would take a trip at least once a month - some place relaxing and spectacular.

But life is a bit different these days. I live in an expensive city. And yes, I chose to live on a more expensive side of town. I have a great apartment. I have an adorable, fairly fast car. However, I am financially responsible for me - AND for my egyptian.

I realize this will change soon. But it is hard. No doubt about it. I can only imagine how single parents or husbands who let their wives stay home feel.

It's not just the $$$ and endless shopping I miss - I miss my time. My lazy leisure time that girls in their mid-thirties when they are single grow accustomed to.

See, I spent about 2 years living alone. Dangerous thing. Because now I am trying to adjust to sharing space with a man who 1. Has never lived with a woman before. 2. Is a foreigner and adjusting to the country 3. Is arab and muslim - which means - different rules in the home.

You can imagine the issues that arise. One - he is not dealing well with me being the sole provider. BUT - we had to wait for a while. We had to wait until all of his paperwork came thru. It did - this past week. Now - he can search for a great job in his field. College educated, tri-lingual - he will do fine.

BUT back to me. (Since this is one place I can concentrate on me and not feel guilty.)

Time. I don't have any. I work long hours in a great job. I work in media relations/communications/public relations - whatever you want to call it. BUT - living with my egyptian means, he still expects me to keep not just a clean house - a perfectly clean house... and cook... and still be successful.

See, when I lived alone - I liked being a bit more lazy. And yes - I could be as close to a feminist as you can get. To be perfectly honest, I needed the extra push to be a little more organized. I have to say I am picking up some good habits.

Yet, I just wish I could be a little more selfish. A little more spoiled.
I am none of those things anymore. And it sucks.

I used to buy what I wanted when I wanted it. Now I have to budget.

I know, I know.. stop whining. I don't have kids.. I don't have pets.. I have no real responsibilities - but realize - I chose that life on purpose. I recognize my selfishness.

Maybe I need to find other like-minded selfish girls to take one nice spa-like retreat once a year to re-energize.

Hmmm..

Who's in??