This Christmas has been extremely therapeutic for me. I spent last night alone, by choice. Sure, I could have stayed at parent's home, or gone to my sister's home, or driven down to my guy's home, or even high tailed it with my roomie to visit with her family, but instead I chose to spend my very first Christmas Eve night alone.
It was magical.
I enjoyed sipping iced tea (yeah, it's warmish here. I actually have the a/c on today.) I sat in a darkened living room with only the glow of the Christmas tree to light the way. ;-) I baked a wonderful cinnamon coffee cake, ate a few dill pickles, and watched a wonderful documentary called, "Maidentrip." Very inspiring movie, and I highly recommend it.
The movie sort of reawakened an idea that I believe I may have lost somewhere in the past few months.
That idea? Do what you want... for they will criticize you anyway.
I think, in this time I have sat alone, I have figured something out for myself. Something I have always held true, but sort of forgot along the way - I will never be happy until I learn to make myself happy.
There are so many things I want to do, I want to experience, and I could care less about. I'm tired of trying to drink the koolaid and make things work so that I can get what I need. (Be it personal or professional.) I just want to do what is right, what is needed, and what I would like to see.
With all of that being said, this Christmas I am making a commitment to myself to do more of what I need. I will live according to the way I see fit, and honestly, who cares what anyone else thinks.
For me, I want to make sure that people who genuinely want to be in my life know that they are extremely important to me. I want to make my small little world, that tiny bubble I live in, a beautiful and safe place for others to visit. Maybe I can keep my mind straight and just throw away all of the rest.
What do you hope for this Christmas day? Not material things... but for your life?
I wish each and every one of you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.