Sunday, September 14, 2014

Where are the signs?

September, September, September. You naughty little b*tch. 

I guess life wants to taunt me a little bit more. 


Let's start with ragweed. Seriously - I am congested. I am coughing. I have sniffles. I have sinus pressure. 

God forbid I get a sinus infection. (No insurance at this point in time.)

Then I noticed my poor little Salvatore (who luckily has gone months without his URI, has started hacking up a lung, also. 


Is it too late to hop a boat and just escape? I'm only about 2 1/2 hours from the ports in Savannah.. I mean.. it is not that far fetched.

Okay, okay.. let me not blame the month and everything else on why I don't feel good. Let's deal with what is really bothering.

This shower I went to today. Okay, not the shower, (because I LOVE who we threw it for..) it is just that subtle reminder that I am alone. So yes, it was a wedding shower. At least two of the girls there were engaged, and every one else for the most part was married, in a relationship, or just starting one. Then there was me.

Let's not forget, even the ole question about the job was sort of.. well.. I got nothing. 

Yes, I am freelancing, and yes the money is coming together nicely - but I have three more months with one contract that really keeps me afloat, and then I am on God's good grace. I've tried to keep my job search to my current vicinity, because I have a room mate, and it affects her also. But I am beginning to get nervous. I need something to come through (and yes, I have some irons in the fire - I've applied to three really good prospects.) 

But when I think about it, really take the time to think about it - why am I still here? Nothing is holding me here anymore. No significant other.  No child in school. No good job. Yes, my family is near by, but I rarely see them. Plus, they'll be perfectly fine without me.

I think Macon provided a nice little reprieve, while I sorted some things out. But honestly, maybe this is God's way of saying it is time to just move on.

This is what I am battling right now. 

Honestly, my whole sense of purpose seems limited. I'm calm - but being realistic. I don't know what to do. I truly do not. 

Everyone around me keeps saying the same old sh*t - "It'll work out." Yeah.. yeah.. I know. But that does not solve my current problem. 

I guess, at the end of the day, I just need something to look forward to. 


robby watson said...

Wbat everlife brings,wetheryou have to leave ( ive told you befrore )i can totally see you living & thriving in a certain coastal destination.....I really wish you exactly what you need..and even though we dont often hang out or even see each other .I truly consider you MY muRIEND & hope thats .mutual..sincerly,Goodluck ..R

robby watson said...



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