When I was 10 years old, I was this skinny, quiet, straight A student that wanted to be a ballerina.
As you can see in the picture to the left, I had long straight brown hair, fair skin, and wore whatever clothes my mom would pick out for me. My favorite subject was English. I loved Duran Duran. I had a crush on a little boy named Devon. (Though he did not notice me.) I went to Union Elementary School, and my best friend (since the 1st grade) was a little blond girl in my neighborhood named Dee.
This morning, I watched a fun little video about writing a letter to your 10-year-old self. I love this concept. I also thought I would share the video with you, and maybe it will inspire you to do the same. You don't need a blog to do it, and you really don't need to write it down. Just think about what you would say. You might be surprised!
So with that...
Dear 10 Year Old Nicole:
Actually, I should have started this out with Dear Nicki, because you are probably going to throw the letter down and say, "But my name is Nicki." The funny part about this, Nicki, is that when you are 18 you are going to insist people call you Nicole.
The first thing I want to do is tell you that you are a beautiful person inside and out. You ARE worth something. You WILL be someone. Don't let Her make you feel any differently. I know you don't feel very pretty, and you feel invisible, but know that you will one day figure out how to navigate those social waters and it will be okay. The best part? You will exceed your expectations. So just relax..
Another thing - do not be afraid. Just a year before you began having panic attacks. That's what they are. It's nothing to be ashamed of or afraid of. Unfortunately, doctors do not know a lot about these yet, but it's okay. You will be okay. You cannot die from this. You have this thing called an adrenal gland and yours just happens to send a wave of adrenaline through your body at probably the worst possible times. Just breathe. It's okay.
Guess what? You will fall in love one day and someone is going to love you back! It's true. You'll finally hear the words you never really heard at home, and someone is actually going to hold you tight and hug you. This.. this feeling... this is your home. I don't want to lie to you, you will have your heart broken, but it won't break you. You're going to make a ton of mistakes in relationships. Just be patient with yourself. Remember - the most important love is the one you give yourself.
You will achieve many of your goals. Don't wait for someone to recognize the hard work you have put in.. because, I'm afraid kid, it's not going to happen. Just do what is right. Do what sets your soul on fire because it is the right thing, not because you seek validation. Once you understand this, you will be okay.
In the next 30 years, you will be grow to be very independent, you will get to travel across the world, you will achieve some pretty cool things professionally and personally, and most importantly - you will continue to dance. You will one day stop.. and there will be regret there, but don't lose hope. You will be back doing what came so naturally, and well.. time will tell.
I love you, kiddo. You ARE a good person inside and out. You are going to have to trust that everything will be okay, and you will find yourself.
40 year old Nicole