Saturday, February 11, 2012

I got 99 Problems...

As I was scanning Pinterest this morning, (on 5 hours sleep.. oh yeah...,) I was looking through my favorite quotes on my 'Preach It' board. I ran across this one - the short people problem quote. As soon as I read it, Jay Z's song - 99 Problems started running through my head.

I guess in my sleepy stupor and lack of any good quality ideas to write about, it sort of came to me to write about the problems of short people.

Oh Yeah - I'm going there.

1. A kitchen is a war zone. When you are under 5'2, any cabinet that is at the top, and could possibly contain plastic wear, suddenly becomes a sky with bombs falling from it. Imagine standing on your tip toes, opening the cabinet, when suddenly plastic items come crashing down smacking you in the face. I have learned to always tuck my head when opening a top cabinet.

2. Grocery shopping is better than Yoga. Typically the items I need are on the top shelf. The top shelf IS NOT within my reach. I suddenly become Stretch Armstrong as I go for that box of Suddenly Salad.

3. Dismounting a bike is like playing hot potato. 24 inches is too short, and 26 inches is too tall. Most adults own a 26 inch bike. Once I get on it, I have to keep going. When it is time to stop, I put on the brakes and suddenly jump off, as if I am on a gymnastics balancing board that is scolding hot, and then I just pray I land on my own two feet, typically with the bike between my legs.

4. Becoming an elbow rest. I have tall friends that will stand next to me and prop their elbow/arm on my head. They think it's funny.

5. Pants are continuously frayed. Sooo.. I don't sew very well, actually - hardly at all. It is hard to find petite pants, especially when you are a little on the chubby side. ;-) Most of my pants are about 3 inches too long - hence the reason I typically wear heels.

6. I gain one pound, and it looks like 10. My actual weight on one of my 5'10 friends would look great. At my height, it makes me look like an oompa loompa.

7. Movie theaters are tricky. It never fails, the tallest person in the entire theater will always choose to sit in front of me. I am always thrilled to go to the stadium seating theaters.

8. Concerts suck. Before a concert begins, everything seems fine and dandy. Once the main act comes on stage, everyone bolts to their feet - then my $75 tickets becomes an opportunity to listen to music. Something I could have done at home, with my radio, for free.

9. Walking is an aerobic sport. If I go to the mall with friends, for each of my friend's one stride - I have to take two steps, just to keep up.

10. Risking life and limb on a daily basis. A basic wood chair is my best friend. I use them for so many things. Climbing atop one will not be easy in 40 years.

8 comments:

EmptyNester said...

Maybe I should write a post about the problems of tall people. And lefties. Oh yeah, I'm both. LOL Hope you're feeling good! Keep the faith girlfriend! Your time is coming!

TV's Take said...

Ha! I like the elbow rest reference. How did the interview go?

StoriesAndSweetPotatoes said...

Oh my I thought you were really about to list 99 problems! Seriously, these are things people don't think about. When short people get older they should grow taller while the rest of us shrink into old age just to even things out :)

Joyce said...

LOL! I found your blog through Leanne's 'From Chaos Comes Happiness' blog. And I think I found you at exactly the right post! I too am 5'2" and share all the same problems with it. I needed this laugh, thanks! :-)

idiosyncraticeye said...

Vertically challenged is the politically correct phrase and it certainly poses unique challenges in life. The problem with the petite fitting is not about being chunky but having shape, apparently if you're petite you don't have hips or a bum at all. (I failed to realise this obviously). Oh and bikes? I have a children's bike. My husband refuses to go out with me on it. Ah well. ;)

Jennifer said...

Loved this. I'm 5'2" and relate to all of these. #5 is why I wear men's pants: because they can choose their exact length! Try it! My length is 30". The waist size is appalling but meaningless. Seriously, my pants are pretty much a big square.

Casey said...

This is hysterical!! I am 5'1" and can completely relate to you!!

I found this post when Jaclyn linked up for Lots of Link Love with me this week. I hope you'll consider checking it out, and maybe even link up with my for the next Lots of Link Love on February 25th!

http://www.jaclynsouza.com/2012/02/weekend-love.html

Leanne said...

Ok, I am not very tall (5'7), but certainly not short . . . is it wrong that this post cracked me up from start to finish? For some reason, I cannot get the image of you "jumping off of a bicycle as if on a gymnastics balance board" out of my head . . . you are too funny! And I totally hear you on the "walking is an aerobic sport" thing. I have that same exact problem when I walk with Phil. He is 6'4", and I have such a hard time catching up with him!

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