Things I wish I could say to my friends... but have not. ;-)*

*recognize the humor

Okay.. it's Friday. Usually I tell you what you need to see (movie or TV wise.)

How about my vent of the week, instead??? I started to write one of my famous lists... but instead, I turned to my favorite subscription on Youtube to share with you some of my vents this week.

I love this Project Rant (project.) They contain a few things I would like to say.. honestly..

Enjoy!

I dedicate this one to a certain some one. ;-)


Oh my... I dedicate this one to many some ones...


I have about 4 friends that this one could go out to....


This one is dedicated to some teenagers I know, and sadly, some 40-something year olds.


Well...



HAHAHAHA... In high school, I was the drama kid. In college, I was the writer and ended up hating the drama kids... .


You know who you are:


This is a general rant...


One of the MANY reasons I have been traumatized by people who wear open toes shoes.


Finally...

Things that freak me out!

If nothing else, Facebook gives me GREAT inspiration for my "venting" posts.

As I was scrolling my little news feed, I saw a common theme among some of the status updates. I assure you, it is nothing earth shattering, I am just a victim of my geography.

Which brought me to today's post - Things That Freak me Out!

Yes - that's me in the pic, freaking out. lol

THINGS THAT FREAK NICOLE OUT:

1. I must start off with Spiders, Roaches, and those creepy crawly things that look furry.

2. White milk, mayo or grits. Not to forget, clams, oysters, and anything like a liver pate.

3. When people drag their feet walking. Or the sound of the flop on a flip flop. Or when the teeny tiny girls wearing their stilettos on the floor (walking fast) go - click click click.

4. Wooden Popsicle sticks. Or cardboard scratching another piece of cardboard.

5. When people say (or type) gurl, when they mean to say girl. Or calling me honey. Yeah, don't call me honey. I am not a big fan of typing your "southern" accent. It basically grosses me out. PS - for new followers - I am southern.

6. A little too much patriotism can drive me insane. Yes, you are proud to be an American, but please, oh please learn the differences (organic differences) between republican, democrat, the three branches of law, and hell... how a bill even becomes a law, the preamble, the Bill of Rights.. maybe even read the Declaration of Independence - before you start mouthing off about what "we the people" need in our lives.

7. Religious ignorance. If you claim to believe something, try to actually know where your belief system/dogma etc originated and why. Try to learn at least a high level overview of the key main religions of the world; Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Shinto, Paganism, etc.

8. When women flirt with married men. Or when married men flirt with women. If you are married- behave like you are.

9. Women & men in their late 30s - 40s.. that continue to try to do the whole "club" scene. I think it is time to graduate to a more low key establishment. (or at least stop trying to "booty shake" and dress like a 20 year old.)

10. People who "ignore you" so they can prove a point.  Sooo passive aggressive and childish. To me - you ignore me, then you are no longer in my life. Period.

11. People who drive slow in the left lane.

12. Those tacky fake nails. Especially the ones with designs on them. LOL

13. The pants hanging low thing.

14. Putting so much emphasis on material things. I like my things. I like to have nice things. But I assure you, the things do not make you a better person.

15. People who say they don't read books.

16. Farmville and Mafia War freaks. LOL

17. Women who go to bed with their make up on. That's just gross.

18. Women who do not shave their legs. (Just a side note, while in NOLA.. I passed these street performers, and I saw this woman wearing shorts and she had the darkest, hairyest legs I have ever seen in my life. I am normally cool.. but I think I flinched.) hhahaa.

19. Extreme in any religion. Sheesh... chill...

20. Ultra conservatives. Again... chill.

Okay.. those are my tiny little rants of the day. I am sure I could come up with 20 more.
Which ones do you agree with? What would YOU add?

Please remember.. it's all in fun..

Big Reveal

I owe it to my actual readers to try to explain what is going on here - maybe you can shed some light on my reaction and see if I took the proper steps.

Oh yeah - I am "living out loud" today. I have typically refrained from writing about specific situations, but this one is just sooo big and in the end - not so big, I would love to see what you think.

Without further ado.. here is what is bothering me.. (I can't believe I am sharing this!!)

Friday was an excellent day. I went to work, I took the egyptian to the mosque, we had lunch at the Chicago style pizzeria (locally owned) and truly had a good day.

In typical Abdou fashion, we came home that night slipped into our normal routine. I turned on the TV (never actually watching it, and it is turned down low) - and my egyptian gets on his laptop (which he treats like a desk top - he never moves it from the table, unless guests are coming over.. BIG pet peeve of mine.) I was sitting on the couch with my laptop.

I asked the egyptian to come over and "hang out with me." Yes, I was being needy. He said he was busy - and began his 6 hour video chat marathon with most of his friends in Egypt and Lebanon.

Okay.

Soo - fast forward to Saturday morning. I woke up in a foul mood. No doubt about it. Moody, sad, irritable.. who knows why. (Boys look away - I have to share something with the girls - I had a hysterectomy 7 years ago - but I still have my ovaries, perhaps I was hormonal... but.. who knows.. b/c .. well... those things don't happen anymore.. you know what I am saying??) TMI - I know.

Moving on..

I basically pouted most of the day. As I was driving the egyptian to work, he asks, "Is your family okay? What's going on?"

oops.. flood doors erupted.

I gave my dissertation on why I feel he does not give me enough attention. Oh yes, my friends, I went cuckcoo on him. Typical emotional meltdown. But - in my defense, he does tend to spend more time chatting with friends from home, than talking with me. Or so I feel..

He just looked at me like I was crazy, got out of the car and said, "Nicole, you create most of your own drama." I swear- I thought I was going to scream. He was right - this time.

Well, I left and since most of my friends live out of state, and the others were out of town for the 4th - I finally went to see eclipse, alone. I have to admit - this was the first time i ever went to see a movie alone and i loved it! Sorry, I digress...

I get home and open FB. There is a simple message from the egyptian: "I am going to borrow money from my uncle, and I am going home. I am going to Egypt."

WHAT???????????

Needless to say I freaked out. I thought to myself, "Come on.. it was a little meltdown.."

I called him immediately. He proceeds to tell me: 1. He is at work and can't talk right now and 2. It is just for a vacation for about 10 days or something.

Wait a minute.. back up. On Friday, over lunch, I asked the egyptian where he would like to go for our anniversary in November? He informed me he could not take any vacation- so I accepted it and moved on. NOW he is going to Egypt. Then i relaxed.

"Oh, we are going together?"

"No, I need a vacation - from the states, from work.. from YOU."

WTH?

I lost it. Right there. I went into psycho mode and slammed the phone down. (Um..yeah. it's a cell, I 'm old school. I still like the idea of slamming phones. This generation has nooo idea how powerful that feels.)

I picked him up from work, and it was a very intense drive home. He was calm and said,
"Nicole, I am just tired. I have not been home in over a year - I miss my family and my friends. I just want to see everyone."

Here's the thing - I understand that. I told him I understood. I just said that I was insulted that 1. He did not invite me and 2. He made this decision without discussing it with me and 3. He said he needed a vacation from me.

We talked a little, I explained myself a little better (the emotional outburst from earlier that day) and we went to bed friends.

I woke up, and after a nice morning - he looked at me and said, "I am going to need you to help pay for my trip home."

I said.. and my religious friends, look away... I said, "You are out of your mother fucking mind. You want a vacation from ME? and You want me to PAY for it?"

Granted - I should have stopped. I brought up something that we had settled, but the nerve of him????

Then because he and I do not fight fair - he says, "Okay - here is the deal. If you don't help me pay for this trip, I will borrow the money from my father. If I do that - I am not coming back, period."

I flipped out. Manipulation 101 - don't even try it with me. I was torn between trying to keep a cool head and losing my mind. Later, I joked with an old friend about how the old "Nicki" came out, circa 18 - 26 years old. I told him where to go, how to go and what to do when he got there. BURN.

Then the whole fight escalated - I said stupid things... "I told him to go then. Go meet some good little muslim girl, and have babies."

See.. it is a sore spot that I refuse to convert. And the fact that it is painful for him that we will never have children.

Ouch. Buttons pushed. Stupid of me.. I know. But I warned you - I don't fight fair and I am a reactor.

We did not speak to each other for 11 hours.

Last night, we were okay. We were calm, we were loving, we are moving past this fight.

My question is - did it have to go down like this? The request was simple.. if I peel back the layers. He's home sick. He wants to go home. He wants to see his people on his terms, without me clinging to his side. He wants Egypt the way he remembered it. He needs my help to get there, and he is coming back.

Could he have asked me in a different way? Oh yeah.

Why do we lash out in such despicable ways? How do you calm your anger and keep your temper in check?

I know this post was extremely personal. But it was hell. I had to purge. Many thanks for allowing me the space to do it.